@sez I am glad you can enjoy Christmas and hopefully you can have your final session as planned 
Enjoy the food and the celebration and hope your neutrophils creep up xx
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Iām completely fed up and wish Christmas would go away. Iām a bit ahead of most of you having started chemo on 2nd September and finishing two weeks ago. I was expecting everything would immediately go back to normal but Iāve still got wispy hair and large areas of bald scalp. I canāt even improve my appearance with mascara cos Iāve got no eyelashes. Iām really embarrassed by my appearance. Iāve been strapped up with kinesiology tape to try and get the lymph fluid moving and thatās going to be renewed every week for six weeks. .Iām seeing the radiology consultant on Monday so thereāll be another decision to make - will I/wonāt I. The only good thing is the weight Iāve put on since 2nd September is coming off quite easily.
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I mean radiotherapy not radiology if there is such a thing.
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Oh @magl that was me last year. Final chemo on 14 December and like you wanted Christmas to go away. My two kids came back home for Christmas and had a quiet one. I donāt remember that much about it as the cumulative effects of chemotherapy was pretty daunting nd I was so fatigued.
Just remember itās just this one Christmas and next will be better. I have been to 2 Christmas markets, bought gifts (not wrapped yet), helped feed over 100 at the local foodbank this week. Iām looking forward to having a big juicy Christmas lunch. Iāve already started on the box of chocolates, I couldnāt taste much at all last year so itās been lovely.
Take this year for you, do what you have to do or donāt want to do.
Thinking of you 
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Youāre not alone, I should be ahead of the x6 cycle, x3 weekly people. I started August but feel like because I started August 28th Iām closer to September starters. I should be finished with chemo too, only reason Iām not is I had two cycles being delayed.
I also feel like crap about my appearance. I have about 12 eyebrow hairs left and SUCK at drawing new ones on (think Groucho Marx), my eyelashes are falling out and I refuse to shave my head now so Iāve got an Einstein thing going on (what little is still there defies gravity and sticks out at every angle, I went crackers and hacked a load off a couple of months back cos I thought itād make shedding less traumatic but actually probably should have left it alone as could maybe have done a comb over type deal). My skin is so pasty and my cheeks have large spots on (that wonāt heal, even with antibiotics) and are bright red (so I look like a clown). Hit a real bad spot last month, so bad I signed up for the makeup workshop thing that in the end got cancelled cos of the snow and now wonāt take place til mid January. I try to avoid mirrors these days unless Iām going out (which is rare as Iām so weak on my feet).
Iām a comfort eater, thatās why Iām looking forward to Christmas, others will be pigging too so I donāt feel like the only one. Also it was a clearer goal when I started treatment, it was like if I can get to Christmas then thatās the first lap done, it made it feel more attainable (especially as everybody goes on about Christmas starting earlier and earlier these days it made it go by quicker for me). Now itās almost here, while lap one still isnāt over, it feels like not too long til lap two. Also, as someone who usually gets new year depression, Iāve surprised myself that for once Iām looking forward to seeing the end of a year.
Iāve barely put any decs up (put some in my front window so my house looks occupied), no tree cos Iām pretty much bedridden so wouldnāt get much joy out of it (plus putting it up and taking it down is a ballache, and my cat will be unsupervised with it all day so itāll likely be destroyed).
I hope next year comes quickly for you so you can move on and start focusing on your next stage to getting back to you.
*I also never remember if itās radiology or radiotherapy either. If anyone corrects me I blame chemo brain to shut them up. 
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Iām glad to know itās not just me NB. I went to a Carol Service yesterday with a big hat on and scurried home afterwards. My husband wanted to go and buy a tree today and go to a party tomorrow but I said no so I feel guilty as well as suffering from a total absence of Christmas Cheer.
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Antibiotics didnāt help my spots either but Iāve tracked down some very good acne cream thatās sold by The Skin Shop that seems to be working. Even the ghostly red marks left by old spots are fading. We do Advent Windows in my village and mine is due to go up tomorrow but I canāt summon up the strength or enthusiasm to finish it. So thatās another thing to feel guilty about.
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I feel like Christmas has snuck upon me a bit which is not like me at all. Having said that I had paclitaxol 6/9 on Monday, was at Radiotherapy appointment yesterday then bloods,and oncologist todayā¦back in for treatment on Monday! hard to feel festive when always in the hosi!
So kids have broken up and I am determined to try to shut off for a bit. Lots of chocolateā¦maybe even a cheeky wine on Christmas day and lots of sofa time! I shall also take my lovely nurses a treat on Monday. They are all very kind and so upbeatā¦ I am in awe of them.
Thinking of you all and wishing you a gentle time over the next two weeks x
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Theyāve put me on lymecycline now, Iāve not been on it long. Iāll be seeing if that helps.
I hope you donāt feel guilty about anything, you shouldnāt because you enough to deal with and hopefully everyone around you can see that and not make you feel that way.
Christmas is a hard enough time without such a horrible illness to deal with.
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I was in on Monday for Kinesiology taping, then on Tuesday for Trastuzumab injection. Back on Monday again. I wasnāt sure what to do about the nurses. There are lots of Thank You cards pinned up from grateful patients but I couldnāt make my mind up whether to give them something at the end of chemo or wait till the end of Trastuzumab injections- ie next September.
Iām still on antibās until Monday. Then if my infection markers are the same I can have my Hickman line removed after X-mas Iām told but would love it gone before. Itās so hard to wash with it in my chest. Canāt wait until antibās are finished and my line is gone as I just worry about it getting infected again.
Then I have a CT on 30th Jan then my op assuming the CT is OK (I have an 8mm node nr my collarbone on the other side which they think is due to a covid jab).
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I donāt know anything about Hickman lines but I agree getting washed is a problem when thereās a bit of you that needs to be kept dry. Since Iāve been taped I wash parts of me in the washbasin, parts of me sitting on the edge of the bath and parts of me in the shower. Itās a grand performance that takes much longer than it should.
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@galdiolus thanks for checking in. Thatās great youāve only one more chemo to go after Christmas. I had my 4th cycle yesterday. Shouldāve been my 5th by now but Iāve had a few delays. I was glad to get it in before Christmas but now Iām in limbo waiting to see how it affects me as I itās my first Docetaxel. So far, just a wee bit tired but Iām expecting pains tomorrow as I had my Pelmeg injection today. Also theyāve informed me that due to the hols my next cycle will be in 4 weeks instead of 3. Fantastic, now itās on my husbandās birthday, and 2 days before my 7 year olds birthday party 
so that might be fun. Twelve 6&7 year olds to entertain. Thankfully I decided to just take the hit and booked a soft play centre party so I wonāt need to do much but mind shoes 
and theyāll provide food and party bags.
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Sorry to hear some of you are having a rough time with your appearance, fatigue, Christmas and all the other issues.
My eyelashes are hanging in but Iām afraid to use mascara as Iām sure theyād disappear when I try to clean it off. Iām going with a teeny bit of eyeliner at present and I do think it defines the eyes even without mascara. I had chemo yesterday so today Iāve got the red face but the green tinted primer is quite good and I do definitely feel better when I put a wee bit of makeup on. Iām not normally a big makeup person, just a light foundation to even things out. I actually have less spots on my chin now as I no longer have the tendency to poke and pluck at the chin hairs since theyāve gone!! So thatās one silver lining
Hopefully we can all find some enjoyment in Christmas, even though itās not the same as normal. Plenty of whatever treats we fancy, a lot of time on the sofa, and someone else to make the dinner is what Iām aiming for!
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I had my 2nd doc 7 days ago and sat here with a temp of 37.7 - exactly the same time as last time and ended up in A&e where they couldnāt find an infection. Iām now sucking on ice cubes - really donāt want to go to a&e again - itās too much of a coincidence - I feel fine . Wish me luck
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Keep everything crossed for you it passes quickly and you can avoid hospital
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Fingers crossed @epic1 hopefully they let you monitor it as you feel well. Im not on Docetaxol but Ive seen others have similar reactions. It seems not unusual x
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Hopefully you can avoid hospital! As long as you donāt feel unwell itās probably just the same as last time.
Speaking of Docetaxel - did you get a white tongue at all? Iāve woken up with my tongue totally white. Had my first cycle of D on Thurs. Iāve now cleaned it with bicarbonate of soda per the Macmillan website advice as I really donāt want to ring the helpline. I phoned yesterday about aches and pains and they wanted me to go to A&E. It seems thatās a common response when people phone for anything. I didnāt go as I felt fine and just had the aches theyād told me to expect.
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I havenāt had the white tongue - is it thrush ?
Temp went up to 37.9 and severe bone pain at same time / not even morphine helps. Then 3am bone pain stops- I suddenly feel all cool - take temp and itās 36.5. Iām sure itās linked but last time they said itās not . Iām not calling it in they will make me go to a&e. Temp fine this morning
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@pod123 sounds like thrush. I always get really tingly tongue and my taste goes. The very first cycle I got thrush which is usually a white tongue. They have you mouth drops for it. Itās really common xx
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