Seriously need help

Hi friends

I am on my fifth cycle of Tax+Carbo+Avastin with three more cycles to go. Aside from the usual physical and psychological ailments, I’m finding it terribly difficult to cope with my chemo sessions. Every time I go I dread the session as my mind stays focused on the dreadful times when the disease will eventually take the upper hand and then do me. 

These thoughts keep getting worse each session and I find it intolerable to cope with the sessions. Counselling won’t help as I’ve tried it before during my primary BC and it was a fiasco. 

I keep telling myself that I’m very lucky having found out about my disease and this has surely bought me some more time with my loved ones. I’m also better off than many people on this planet who die of huger and civil wars. My friends keep helping me but it’s the sessions that I find most unbearable and dreadful. Sometimes I can’t help crying my head off. Other times I get the same feeling that I’m in my tomb. Some other times I keep thinking of my body as a weak object that is disconnecting me from my loved ones. In other words I feel that my body is like an old faulty car that can’t keep me going. 

Any suggestions how I can cope with the remaining sessions. Please note that words don’t help so I hope that you can help me with practical methods.

sorry for the long post but I’m afraid to start panic attacks as now nurses are scared to take blood samples and suggest that I do them a couple of days in advance as they’ve seen me cry when they were not able to locate my veins. 

Hi Momo

I really feel for you, I was ok during chemo but before my mastectomy I was a mess having nightmares that I was gone, my psychologist got me into meditating I now do something called head space daily it is a free app I know it does not work for everyone but it certainly helped me with the demons.

Hope this helps

Sending big hugs

Karen xxxx

Hi Momo,


so sorry you are feeling like this. I get my bloods done a day before so that I dont have two lots of hunt the vein. So that might help.


i was having panic attacks with my chemo…till the staff nurse said she had noticed that the antiemetic(

(antisickness) med had that effect on several people and suggested we leave it out…have been fine since then.


have you tried Headspace. Its a free online meditation, where the guy talks the meditation through whilst you do it?  Maybe you could have that on an ipad or soneting on headphones?


i now, myself keep repeating a mantra or prayer all the time they are hunting for a vein…seems to help.


the other thing to think about is EFT. The tapping technique…i got myself through several exams with this tecnique and its freeley explained on the internet…i used it on Thursday evening on my way to a nervwrackng event, and it really worked. You can learn it for yourself in minutes and practice tapping on the points whilst saying yo yourself exactly what your fears are, in time the fears go away or are at least manageable.


You said no ords, but im going to be thinking of you,LOVE AND HUGS




PS will put a couple of links on for you. - Headspace Free Trial‎‎



How to do the EFT Tapping Basics - The Basic Recipe | PART I For Everyone: The EFT Tapping Basics | Official EFT Tutorial - Emotional Freedom Technique › eft-tutorial › how-t…



hope these are helpful Momo, at least thry are worth a look. You could try both…



Hi Momo,
I agree with Helen there are all different kinds of counsellors Some more qualified than others… Maybe you need to see a psychologist instead. When my daughter was suffering from very severe debilitatong anxiety we took her to see an NHS psychologist and he was nothing short of marvellous. Best wishes xxx

Moijan I go the day before for my blood test for day one.but on day eight the chemo unit test my blood so only one visit and one canula .xxsharon

Hi mojo

That is good news if you can get into meditation it really does help, I also have a port yet they don’t use it for bloods

Big hugs

Karen xxx

All the other suggestions that you’ve had sound great epecially any form of meditation that you can do in the chair. I used to imagine the chemo as pac man chomp chomp chomping away on the bad cells it helped me and Im still here thriving and surviving with secondary breast cancer 5 years and 8 months down the line. Another great help is the Macmillan counselling service, you could book up and see someone prior to the session if your centre is based at your hospital. This is a free service and excellent to help with your mental health. They also offer other free complimentary services that would benefit like relexology, healing etc. all free and a great support. Sending you lots of love and light xxxxxx

Very similar to what I used to do except I thought of the chemo as Rambo …killing all the baddies !!!
Carolyn xx

Let me share what I say to the chemicals themselves. I repeat to them several times that I thank them for curing me, that I am so blessed to have them as my friends who are going to help me fight that stupid disease. For the time being this is working. I have not heard it from anywhere, it is the way I feel things should go. I have heard before that people are talkting to water, so may be that is what provoked me.

Hi Mom
I tried meditation and found it very relaxing and helpful so I am sure it will work for you. Regarding your portacath, I don’t understand why the nurses refuse to use it to take blood. My nurses are always happy to do so; it is so quick and easy

Momo, even?

Hi MomO, Avrelia, Sarah Louise, Carolyn,Helen,


Sharon at my hospital, when I was discussing the portocath, they explained that bloods wouldnt be taken through it routinely…apparently each health prof needs to be certified competent to use it, up until recently…

the dyes re Ct And MRI werent given via the port for the same reason. 


i go to the blood room for my bloods where the phlebotomists get my vein first time! i did ask the chemo nurses if they could do my bloods and leave in the cannula…the reason they dont is becaus Eribulin takes 4 Hours to make up.(that was what they said) and they didnt want to leave it in all that time…but also I guess as the unit is very busy, they may want to use all their time giving chemo…which they do give thru ports.


Momo great that you are trying meditation, and great about the Tai chii, that is quite powerful.i cant find a local therapisttho.


 I think Avrelia you said you used visualisation, that is a very powerful technique and im glad it works for you…


I keep telling myself to use it but seem to forget…however, I  do a kind of meditation when they are cannulating…sometimes I can make my arm seem dissasociated from my body, so that I can relax…other times I repeat a prayer/mantra and just close my eyes.


Would be good if you guys felt like mentioning  these strategies on the ‘shared tips’ thread as there are lots of new ladies who might find them very useful too. 




Momo thats realky great…a few new ideas there for us to try…Yes 

I have a group of friend praying for me and i find it really nelps me!


glad you are ferling great




Momo, how does one get a meditation coach, please?

Hi Momo I just read your post and found it really interesting.I love all holistic healing and had a Buddha meditation cd the other day which was quite good.Have you got any good books to share? I enjoyed The Power of now .What do you have as your secondary Momo? Best wishes Deb x

That book sounds good too, sounds like you have been foing a lot of research. Hope you dont mind, but have put the book on the shared tips thread?


love Moijanx



I take 4/5 things to do while I am in the chemo room, a quizz book, games on my phone, reading book and my cross stitch sewing, as most of my chemo session have been 7+hours long and I find a variety of things are needed to take the focus of the drugs, I try to have the drip slightly behind me so I do not have it in eye sight. 


One lady at our hospital puts her sleep mask on and her music on and sails of to another place in hear head. 


I go on my own as trying to be polite and strong for someone else is hard work and I just do ot have the energy for that.


Wendy! Another great tip, would be good to go on the shared tips thread!!


i love that Idea of drifting away to. Music with sleep mask on.