Sex Drive - serious lack of!!

Hello ladies

I’m needing some reassurance! Please tell me I’m not the only one who has no sex drive? The thought rarely enters my head. Since being diagnosed in May 2007, having chemo, rads, on herceptin, tamoxifen and zoladex, everything done below has gone to sleep. My partner and I have tried but it hurts too much as I’m just so tense and don’t feel sexy.

It is worrying me. My partner is great and understands that it’s my hormones. At 36 I should be at the prime of my sex life?


Hi Jenny
I was diagnosed in june 2007, never had chemo had rads then tamoxfen now aremidiex and i’m feeling exactly the same just nothing happening not feeling it one bit, which is unlike me.And upsetting i’m 46 and was still enjoying things till last year. My BCN gave me some liquid silk but to be honest i’ve not tried it as just not feeling sexy.

I’ve read a few other comments on here, and think it’s quite a common side effect.
But the answer i don’t know, any help ladies would be appreciated…


Hi Ladies, I am 39 and 7 weeks post surgery and 2 weeks post first chemo. My OH and I always enjoyed a varied and healthy sex life but my drive was always lower than his. I don’t believe my drive has changed but my image of myself has and I find that I prefer the thought of sex more than the reality of it. I always felt sexy because I saw myself reflected in my OH’s eyes. I find now that I am projecting my image of myself onto him and thinking - he can’t possibly find me attractive - when he says thats not the case. I am still mentally fragile and unable to feel sexy without my OH but I am willing to try and regain the image I had of myself in his eyes and therefore my desire to act on my sex drive.

What I am trying to say is - where did your sexuality come from? What made you want him? For me (and my OH is no oil painting to the outside world) it is my heart and deep love for him AND the fact that when I am with him he makes me feel like the sexiest woman in the world. That may have suffered in the last 7 weeks, probably more in my mind, but I am determined NOT to have it affect the rest of my life so - at the moment its planned, (ie NOW before op, chemo, hair loss) at the moment its not spotanenous and sleep seems more attractive, and yes now I get very emotional but its not an area of your marriage to be neglected in my eyes - no more than the kids, housework etc.

In a very crude way what I am trying to say is - use it or loose it - you may not feel like it but you have to ask yourself - how much effort are you putting in - if he wasn’t washing the car, hoovering, making tea etc I am sure we would make the effort to sort it out, treat your sex life with as much respect.

Hope no-one is offended but I am trying to help, xxx

I was diagnosed in June 06, mast with TRAM recon, 8 FEC, 17 herceptin. I took Femara for 2 weeks and had the most horrible side effects so that was it as far as I was concerned. Finished Herceptin at end of March and since I started chemo in Oct 06 sex life has not been great (understatement). Lack of libido, painful. You know what it’s like.

Didn’t seem to get much better after herceptin finished. But last week certainly put a smile on my face. Perhaps time and patience is all we need. B****y long time though.

Hang in there

Marilyn x