I am 63. Recently diagnosed with secondaries in all my bones which was 12 years after initial left sided mastectomy.
I have been married for 40 years and have a very supportive husband and family.
My medication regime is Anastrozol and Palbociclib. Both of which I’m managing so far without too many side effects.
I am in pain constantly. Feels like my bones are grating on each other. Especially in the night. I take dihydrocodien and have morphine on stand by.
My question. Plea for help is how do others manage sexual relations with partners?
My husband is 72. Still has desires and needs whilst the thought of sex fills me with dread at the amount of pain it leaves me in. I have no sex drive at all. My marriage means everything to me
Well, Mounties, that’s quite a delicate question you’ve asked, and I wonder if you need to speak to a nurse on here? Don’t know wether I can help, but having been to a sexual health workshop held at my local Maggies I’ll outline some issues that were discussed:
Is it so painful that you couldn’t participate ( how do I say this nicely…) in a bit of personal / mutual stroking? It doesn’t have to be penetration. That goes for you too! You’re still young.
Is it your new body that’s holding you back? It’s a big step to undress fully and participate in sexual relations after what you’ve gone through. You need to be loved and desired to make it work.
Has your libido disappeared with all the treatments? Hard to think of romance when each day is a battle. Your mind has to be in the mood, not just your body.
The rads have probably dried out the vagina. The nurse who spoke to us recommended visiting our GP to get some soothing cream.
Warm baths, massage and CBD oil were also mentioned as ways of minimising aches and pains before and after intercourse.
Have you talked this through with your husband? Your pain level sounds horrendous , and I’m sure that your husband, no matter his personal needs, will put you first. A kiss and cuddle comes first.
I’m sending a big gentle hug, and hope that one of the nurses here will pick up on this. Best wishes. X
I’m sorry but your husband needs to be more understanding, you are going through physical and emotional trauma. DO NOT participate if it’s painful. There are other ways to “relieve him” if necessary. DO NOT participate even if you can get soothing cream if you aren’t feeling emotionally available, feeling tired nauseous got bone pain etc
I suspect given that you say he “ still has needs” that he is requesting sex even though he knows what you are going through!
“in sickness and in health” were your vows
Please put yourself first, I’m sure you are a wonderful wife and always have been but men can be so childish when it comes to this issue.
xxx