shell shocked!

Hi on tuesday 27th July I was diagnosed with grade 3 ductal breast cancer, the surgeon said where it is situated behind the nipple, the only option is a mastectomy. Im 41 and at that moment in time my head became a whirl wind of thoughts, but my body felt numb. And today I still feel the same, my operation takes place next friday once the results come back then I will know whether more treatment is neccessary.

Would love to hear from anyone, this is my first encounter with breast cancer and would love to hear your positive stories xx

Hi mum of three

i was diagnosed aged 36 in march with 17mm, grade 3 ductal cancer, no evidence of spread. I had a lupectomy and am having chemo now and then radiotherapy and tamoxifen. I just wanted to tell you that although it feels a long road and tough trek, all the treatments and surgery are doable and you will find the strength to get through it. You are at the worst stage now, waiting for operations, results and a treatment plan. Things will startto settle for you and you will get through it. There are many ladies on this forum who have been exactly where you are now and are doing fine years later. They will no doubt post later, because most of them are out having busy lives now that their active treatment has finished! Be kind to yourself, you have been hit by a big truck and have to adjust to the news

many hugs

I’m not surprised that you are shell shocked.It is very hard to come to terms with a breast cancer diagnosis, as you probably felt perfectly well before. I am 38 year old mum of two and there are quite a few of us around that age on the site. I am still going through treatment at the moment but there are lots of women who still visit the site who are finished their treatment.
There is a section you can go to where women check in years after their diagnosis to say that they are well. It is only new so there are only a few so far but it is still worth looking at.
Good luck with your operation and treatment. Take care of yourself. dx

Hi, what you are feeling is very normal, when I had my dx in feb I felt completely lost, can’t even remember the appointment now I was so shocked. I am 45, my youngest boys are now 9&10. I also had to have a mx due to having multiple tumours (Lobular), just finished Chemo and not missed a day of the school run. You will feel better once you have your pathology and course of treatment. Like said before, it’s very doable and the forums are a great place to share experiences and find support! Good luck and let us know how you get on! X

I completely understand how you feel. I was diagnosed in November with grade 3 ductal cancer , had a mastectomy in Dec and have just finished 6months of chemo and radiotherapy. Am due to have reconstructive surgery next year. When I was diagnosed I was in shock as it all happened so quickly and never thought it would happen to me, still dont think its sunk in sometimes. My children were 13 and 9 at the time and I felt awful that they had to through this too. They have coped really well and have been a huge source of strength to me as has my hubby. Take each day/stage at a time, don’t think too far ahead and accept all offers of help…
Thinking of you,


I’m 42 and was diagnosed last year with grade 3 invasive ductal. I’ve had lumpectomy and lymph node removal, chemo and rads and am now back at work, leading a normal life. It is so tough at the beginning and I well remember the terror of waiting for test results. Knowing a treatment plan really does help, as does this site!

Take care

Julia xx

I am 42 and was diagnosed on the 1st of Feb, a mum to a 17 year old daughter and 13 year old step son. I had my surgery 20th of Feb and started chemo 9th of April - two days after my 42nd birthday. Today I had my 6th chemo, 2 more to go and then radiotehrapy.
I have worked throughout chemo, with a few days off after each cycle. Thats not the same for everyone, but I have been lucky with the side effects and could work from home on the days I felt ‘yucky’.
Its been a rollercoaster, never in a million years would I have thought that I would get through this whole thing, but I am getting there.
My overwhelming feeling is that I am lucky to have found it when I did, relieved that my prognosis is good, proud that my children remain largely unaffected…
I wish you the very best, we all know what you are going through and here when you need us.

Hi mum of three

Really sorry you’re having to go through the mill with a diagnosis too. I agree with Vickie, that the first bit is the hardest - even harder than the treatments. Waiting for a full pathology and coming to terms with having cancer takes a very long time, especially when you’re young and had expectations for your life ahead.

I was diagnosied 5.5yrs ago and now have a recurrence, but despite the fact I’m having much harsher treatments this time, I have to say it’s a lot easier because I got my head around the idea of cancer all those years ago.

Once everything’s underway, it honestly does get easier. A plan of action makes all the difference. Big hug xxxx Jane

Hi mum of three - thinking of you and sending you really good thoughts. All of us on here know just how hard it is - particularly at the very start as you are. Like everyone else has said - i promise it does get easier, eventually you’ll find a way through it and i’m sure the forum will help you lots - you’ve come to the right place.

I am 47, was diagnosed in January this year, had an MX and reconstruction, 4 cycles of chemo and now on Tamoxifen i started back working on a phased return 2 weeks ago. I won’t lie, there are days and thoughts that are very very scary, in particular for me the thoughts around the kids i find the hardest to bear - but they’re not there 100% of the time and you’ll find as time passes it becomes bearable.

Sending you hugs - good luck



Thank you every body for your kind words, feeling really low this morning, think the nerves are kicking in. Am waiting for my daughter to come home from holiday to tell her the news, we have all found it really hard to sound “normal” when we have spoken to her on the phone. My 2 boys have been so supportive and strong, im just not sure how my daughter will take it.

How did your partners take the news?, my husband has been my rock, but i’m worried what he will think of me after surgery. Cant imagine what I will look like with one breast and even whether I will want to look. xx

Telling people you love is very hard, but it was such a relief once everyone who is important knew. I could then concentrate on what my medical team were saying and my family were able to feel like they were helping by looking after the kids, doing bits of shopping and washing for me. I could easily have done it myself but I knew they need to feel like they were helping somehow.

My OH has been great, but I know he has found it very hard going. He describes it as though he is the keystone in the middle of a bridge with pressure coming from both sides and he is afraid he will pop out of the middle and the bridge will collapse. So he has started councilling through the macmillan nurse. In fact macmillan have been great at accessing all sort of practical help- they are not just for advanced cancer patients and I would really recommend them as someone to talk to. You get can referred to them by your gp.

As for physical changes- it really depends on how you see your body and what your options are. If you have a mx then there is generally the option of recon. I have a breast reduction mammoplasty which basically took half of the breast so for now I have 1 small pert breast and one large much older looking breast- my surgeon says he will even them up- but to be honest i was just pleased to get the cancer out and i will think about the surgery at a later date. I havent asked my OH out right what he thinks but he doesnt seem all that bothered. Am having chemo at the moment and have a prickly head and he quite likes what he calls the punk look.

My advice- keep talking to him and keep asking him about how he is feeling. Ask for professional help if you or your family is struggling at any point. Dont think you have to do it all by yourself. Sorry for the long post- just got carried away. good luck debx

I am not sure there is much I can add - my wife was diagnosed in June and she was in the unfortunate position of having a ecision to make on treatment - mastectomy then chemo, or chemo with the hope of being able to save her breast and have a lumpectomy.

Be prepared to have everything thrown at it with your age. Surgery, chemo, rads, hormone therapies whatever may get a benefit.

As for telling people, our policy has been to let everyone know - if people know it is common knowledge, they are less likely to be uneasy around us not knowing if they should know or not if you see what I mean!

We have also been very pleasantly surprised at what good friends we have.


Hi mum of three I know exactly how you feel I was diagnosed on 26th July and get my biopsy results tomorrow I am like yourself terrified and in the same boat with my husband. He’s being a rock but I know down inside it’s really getting to him 2 of my children live away and 1 is nearby but his partnner is due her first baby in 3 weeks time so I’m trying to stay strong for them as weel but lets be positive and be glad of all the support we have on this wevsite so glad I found it are you? kath1954 x

Hi mum of three
I read your post and my heart went out to you. I too am a mother of 3, and I was 37 when diagnosed, my children were aged 9,7 and 4.
I had a grade 3 invasive tumour with 5 out of 14 nodes affected. i had surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and am now on hormone treatment and monthly injections.
It has all been very hard, but I am pleased to say that 2 and a half years post diagnosis i am still going strong, am back at work, and enjoying life with my family.

At first my head was all over the place and it took me over a year after treatment finished for breast cancer to not be the thing that i thought about all the time, its always there, but it doesn’t control all my thoughts like it did…

Good luck, and remember that there are lots of women who are doing well after many many years…
Love M