I was DX this week and my mood swings… I miss my ex boyfriend so much. He was not only an ex but also my best friend and understood me in each every way…
He is married now and we have not been in touch much…
I am happy for him to find someone who he loves and regreted that i ended the relationship 4 years ago ( I am 30 now). We have been in touch but we neer met up after the break up. I had other relationships later but nothing could compare to what we had. He was my soul mate indeed.
I donot want to distube his life or expect anything more than friendship… But i would feel much better if he could support me in this.
Wonder should I contact him or not?
Hi there
As he is now married, I think you have to consider how his wife would feel. If you have not been in touch alot, I think you should not contact him. If my husband was contacted by an ex girlfriend I would not be very happy, even if she had BC. Now you have BC, you are likely to be reflecting on your life, which is so normal under the circumstances - I think most of us have done this. However, looking back over old relationships is not a good idea as your relationship with this man is no longer what is was and to try to rekindle it would spell disaster for all concerned.
I’m afraid I agree with Cathy,it wouldnt be fair to him or his wife for you to get back in touch,especially as you are feeling a bit ‘needy’.He is not the one to give you support love.I am so sorry.Valxx
I think if you were friends with him and his wife then I would consider contacting both of them but I wouldn’t contact him alone as it almost certainly would unnerve her.
But just as importantly you are going through a really hard time right now and I the closeness that would make you feel better is not available from him and you could end up torturing yourself with what may or may not have been with him.
You must have ended the relationship for a reason.
It’s been 6 months since I was diagnosed and I am in a stable happy relationship and have been with my OH for 14 years and love him to bits and we’re planning to get married next year and on the surface our relationship looks as solid as a rock but since my diagnosis I’ve tried to persuade him that he can do better than me and I’ve often really believed that, this bl**dy disease can send you a bit crazy on some days even when you are in strong relationship so I hate to think what hankering for a lost love would add to it. I wouldn’t do it.
But as I said if you’re friends with both of them and are not trying to get back something you gave up then maybe you should but I wouldn’t avoid her that’s for sure.
You can always talk to us here, we’re all going through it or have been and even with the best will in the world our OH’s can’t see inside our minds but somehow the ladies here really do seem to understand each other and what we’re going through.
The helpline might be good for you too, they have a peer service and the ladies you talk to have had treatment and know what it feels like to be where you’re at right now so that might help you.
I hope this helps, sorry you’re feeling so lonely. Here’s a virtual hug for what it’s worth. The first few days and weeks are really hard because you’ve got so much to take in so fast, it really did feel too much for me but time marches on relentlessly and in time things do heal and change, and there’s some good times ahead too even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.
Lots of love and hugs
Angie
Hi Avonlea,
As Angie has mentioned above I have put below for you the link to BCC’s Peer Support Service, you might find it helpful. You also may find the helpline helpful, they’re a good ‘listening ear’ when one is needed. Helpline number is 0808 800 6000.
breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=4438
Kind regards,
Jo, Facilitator
dont do it,you have both moved on, he wont be able to deal with it,and its not fair on his wife, look to youre family for support please,
Thanks for your all. I know it is not very rational for me to contact him. My family live overseas and I donot have anyone here in the UK. But i do have many supoortive friends.
We were good friends to start with and he was very supportive in the past when I went through bad times. He knows how to help me to calm down and control my negitive thoughts.
I was gald that he moved on and find a lovely wife. When he got married I was genuinly happy for him. I was really happy as if a brother of mine or a very good friend, have found something nice in life. We have not been in touch much since he is married and i donot know his wife personally.
I don’t expect anything esle but i just wish that i could get him as good support source.
But as you all mentioned, it might not to be a good idea. I guess for one thing, we have not been in touch for a while, things are different now. For the other, maybe i should let him live his life and donot distrube him… If i care for him i should not let him suffer…
Avonlea, please, please do not contact him - it would be such a bad idea as this is not the time to seek support from an ex. Apart from the fact he is wth a new woman you can not turn the clock back. He may give you the support you want (like a brother) but what if he was embarrassed, or rejected you? Do you want to be pitied? Blokes are complex and rarely see things the way a woman does, he might be flattered or think you are a bit needy. Rely instead on females, like us as I now really believe it is only those who ave faced these issues who truly understand the range of feelings we experience.
My relationship fell apart recently - the man could not “handle” bc. He has moved on to a new woman but wants to look like a good guy and turned up at the hospital after my op, performed the caring ex for all the nurses, totally humiliating for me. I had secretly hoped he would have sorted himself out, decided I was worth more than my looks and we wouldbe facing this together. However the roller coaster of emotions produced by someone wanting to “do what is rght” so others think well of him makes me wish that he had just disappeared.
Be strong and proud and rely on us girls xxxxx
Hi Tuesday
Sorry about the situation with your ex. It must be quite hard for you to deal with emotional things too. Sorry that your ex did not behave himself. Hope you have many good friends and family to be supportive to you. Of course girls here are very supportive to each other too.
I have called the helpline and the lady was very helpful.
Hope you are recovering well and take care and believe you will find a better guy!!
xxx