Single and live on my own

[tessie86]

Morning (half 4 wake up after treatment meeting and worrying).

Lots of the stories I read on here are women that have partners and have children.
But I am 39 and single and live alone, and living my best life travelling and doing things most weekends with friends and family and I love my Events job.

I was told yesterday at my treatment meeting that I am Her2 positive and will need to have Chemo before I have my lumpectomy, just now got to wait for my tag to be put in and wait for my meeting with the oncologist. And during that time make a decision about freezing my eggs.
I have amazing supportive friends and family, but I live alone. Im scared how isolated I will be when I start chemo, how much time I will need to take of work they have said it might be alot but I love my job, not being able to do much socially. I know it is going to be a blip in the whole scheme of my life but I just don’t want to be alone.

Also who the hell is going to want to date me. Its a struggle meeting someone and doing the online dates when I am healthy, and now I will be going through all this treatment, and maybe lose my hair and who I will become after all this.

I guess I am over thinking it all, and I need to focus on this thing I am going through, but I dont want cancer to take my independence and freedom away from me too!

[louise15]

Hello @tessie86! Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but I’m sure you’ll find a lot of help and comfort in these forums, I know I have.

I am 44 and also single, I split with my long term partner at the end of last year and my son moved in with his girlfriend in spring so I was just adjusting to life as a solo lady and empty nester at the start of this year, loving life, travelling, gigs, social, focussed on fitness and then bam - in July was diagnosed!

I had to start with chemo too as I am HEr2 positive, that started early August and I’ll be finished next month. Not going to lie, it can be hard living alone but if you have a good circle around you lean on them. My son and brothers come to stay with me the first few days after chemo, my friends pop in/arrange walks etc the other days. My life is obviously not like what it was before but I have my people. I have also started reaching out for support from local charities - younger women with breast cancer support group, therapy through one of our bigger Scottish charities and my hair dresser linked me up with her best friend who had breast cancer 3 years ago. The support of other women who understand is proving to be so helpful to me. This forum has been helpful to me. Also my breast care and oncology team - don’t know how often I have a cry to them!

In terms of work, I also love my work and was worried about losing that alongside all my other things but so far, I have managed to work between treatments. My treatment is a Friday, so I take off until the following Thursday/Friday and work from home, that works for me so far but I’m on new drugs now and don’t know how that may impact.

Cancer has taken a lot so far from me, but I look at it as being temporary. Some of the things it’s taken I’ll get back, some I may not which may not be all bad and obviously this is changing me but I am hoping it’s for the better. One thing I don’t think it has taken too much is my independence - freedom to a degree yes, but I’ll get that back.

I can’t speak on the dating thing as I wasn’t at a point of wanting to date, but once you’re through this, then start thinking about that. Don’t give yourself more to worry over just now!

When I first was diagnosed, so much was out of my control so what I focused on and what I continue to focus on the manage my fears and anxieties is what small things are within my control.

This will be really hard, but you will manage through it

I hope some of that is helpful.

[brox]

Hey @tessie86, sorry to hear about your diagnosis

I’m 34, single & one of those 30 something year olds living at home (all of this has delayed me finally buying a flat this year). Also HER2 positive, & found out I needed chemo after surgery in May.

I also work in events, however have been working from home since June. I worked through 6 rounds of chemo & only stopped working 5 weeks ago to focus on getting through the final 2 rounds & look after myself. I was definitely using work as a distraction & it helped me massively to feel a bit normal & not let all of this consume my mind. I’ve really appreciated being able to slow down, focus on recovery & next steps in this wild journey.

I’ve also been having the whole “who’s going to want to date me” mind games with myself! I’m so independent & would actually say this whole thing has made me so much more independent & stronger in my mind. I’ve had my wobbles & will continue to have them but just trying to take one step at a time.

Always here if you need a chat or rant!

[waveylocks]

Sorry to hear your diagnosis. Thought Id respond as a survivor of bc also Her2+ & estrogen + of over 11yrs since dianosis. Treatment has changed re chemo but I was one of the earlier ones to have Herceptin…I want to reassure you that life goes on afterwards. Im currently on holiday in Cyprus. On my own. I had the full works - for me that Was chemo, Her2 injections, masectomy radiotherapy delayed DIEP reconstruction & 7yrs of Examastane (estrogen inhibitor). The treatment being on my own I will afmit was hard at times. My son came to stay for a little while. You get through it and grab life back… I am different to how I was its true but in any case am 11yrs older. Take one step at a time. Dont listen to horror stories. Everyone responds differently. I’ve met people who sailed through treatment. And you may well do the same. Put plans for support in place incase, (plan for the worst hope for the best!) go to the local bc support group…who can help. Download the workbook “Workng with cancer” read and share with your boss. I was surprised at how helpful mine was. And theres lots of ideas to help with managing work in the workbook that you can discuss. .Line up cleaners and stock your fridge freezer… Then take it one step at a time. You will go travelling again & life will resume…hugs xxx
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[Seagulls]

I have just read this and I am so sorry you have had a breast cancer diagnosis in your forties.
I had a breast cancer diagnosis in 2003 and I felt shocked and sad and angry. I was lucky my employer gave me every encouragement as I had to have two operations and radiotherapy .
You are covered by employment law that says you should have adjustments made for you under disability at work legislation.

I chose to work through radiotherapy as I could walk from where I worked to the hospital that did the radiotherapy sessions.

I also chose not to talk about breast cancer at work as it gave me a break. I managed to sort out a few staffing issues while I was relieved of normal duties which made me really happy and I think helped the staff themselves and their teams.

I fact that was a really positive time in my working life.I had a much better work life balance afterwards

It’s tempting to think you will be lost without work and work will be lost without you but I would use this as a way to put things in perspective I got married after breast cancer aged 58 and it didn’t make life any easier! Just different. We are still married and I am now 70.