Single, no children, living with parents and unemployed!

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Hi, I’m 39 and was diagnosed in January. I’ve had a lumpectomy and am now about to start chemo, but the thing I’m finding it hardest to deal with is the total change in circumstances and general life expectations that this diagnosis has brought about, and I’d really love to hear from anyone out there who is in a similar situation.

For the last 5 years I’ve been working contracts abroad but since being diagnosed I’ve had to give up my flat, finish my contract, ditch my social life and come home. As I can’t get a new job here and have no base I’m now back with my parents (who have been wonderful) for the first time in 21 years, and feeling my whole life has disappeared. I’d put the family thing on hold when I went abroad, which I knew was a risk, and was sort of resigned to the idea of it never happening, but now I feel I’ve managed to miss out on everything. I’ve always been OK with my life decisions until now because I had my independence and got a lot of satisfaction from my work and interests. Oh, and even my benefits are screwed as my employer moved offices and didn’t pay my National Insurance for a 3 month period, but I’ve got ESA at least.

I’m so sorry, that was such a big moan. I think maybe I just need to get all my grumbles out there. I am really grateful for the great care and support I’m getting, and I see people here coping with so much. But if there is anyone else out like me, do let me know!

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Hi Szeci

Not quite the same situation as you but my divorce can thru the day I was diagnosed. Me and my new partner were trying for kids but that wont happen now. I am a little older at 42 but I do feel regret a tnot having kids. Its such a struggle as well, managing the household bills ect. I’ve now got a lodger as was living alone, which helps. My folks are very good to me but can be overprotective and overpowering at times. I’ve just finished chemo and due to start rads in 2 wks. Like you I alos had a lumpectomy. You have every reason to grumble! Try to think that this time next year, all will be much improved; I try to hang on to that thought when I’m feeling down.

Love and hugs

Julia xx

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Hi Szeci

My situation is: single, no children, living with my dad and on sick leave. I’m 25 and was dx primary + bone metz in June, 09.

I’m from a different country and may have to give up my status in the UK if my health becomes a problem. Since dx, my life seems to be “put on hold”, but I’m always hoping and praying that life will return to near normality.

I don’t have a very good relationship with neither of my parents because of their over protectiveness and always treating me as ignorant and childish. Both of them have been with me in the UK since dx, they’ve been wonderful in helping me with houseworks, but I was bombarded with information and all sorts of weird and wonderful treatments, which I found every stressful.

I’ve had chemo for 6 months and now on Tamoxifen + Zometa. Chemo isn’t very nice but it’s doable. I didn’t have an op, so it was great to see chemo shrank my lump so amazingly and that give me the strength to endure.

I too get a lot of satisfaction from my work, because it is one of my hubbies. Even on temporary sick leave has caused much sadness, so it must be very hard for you to be unemployed. When I was working, I was thinking of having a long break to have a rest. Now I’m having a long break and finding myself miss work terribly! Am I strange or not?

Moan away… Thanks for the thread as I’m looking for someone in a similar situation, too.

Take care

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Hi, I’m in the same position. I’m 35, was diagnosed in June last year, have had chemo, mastectomy and rads. I live with my Mum and Dad and I don’t have a job at the moment.
I am finding it hard living at home as Mum and Dad are both retired and we all get on each others nerves at times! I feel that they suffocate me sometimes, but I know deep down they are really worried. It is hard, but I wouldn’t have got through it without them.

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Hi there,

I’m in the same situation. I left the UK when I was 23 and was thoroughly enjoying an international career until disaster struck in Feb 2009. I went through my treatment in Munich, Germany where I was living at the time. However once this had finished I decided to move back to the UK.

I really couldn’t handle my global job, living on my own, career girl lifestyle anymore. I’m now back with mum and dad at the age of 41 and sitting here and thinking what the hell should I do now!!

Love Julie

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Hello everyone, I’m afraid I completely lost this thread (I wish there was something to remind me when a reply had been posted, as my memory is letting me down!)

Julia, thanks for your positive advice, I’m halfway through chemo, doing well, and looking forward. I’m guessing you’ve finished rads by now, so congratulations on running the gauntlet. It really is a struggle having to come to terms with all the other stuff, relationships, kids, money. I think I’ll probably be considering the lodger option, once I can return to my own place, still looking for a job at the moment, but it’s hard to find a new employer who’s willing to be that flexible. Here’s hoping!

M1yu, I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through so much on top of your treatment, and I know what you mean about the difficulties of parent’s protectiveness, however well meant it is. I find missing work really hard to, I know I always complained about it when I was doing it, but you don’t realise what a bit part of your life it is until it’s taken away from you. I do hope your status in the UK doesn’t become a problem. If you don’t mind me asking, where are you from originally? And I hope and pray for you to get some normality back into your life too.

Stocky Spider, do you find you’ve become a ‘retiree’ along with your parents? I try really hard to keep my own life going, but some days just find myself falling into their daily routines. It does seem restful sometimes, but I worry it’s not too healthy! How are things going on the job front at the moment? I find it’s really hard having to explain stuff to possible employers, but still looking.

Julie, I’ve sent you a message, but really should have found this thread first, as many of my questions are answered here! You must have felt even more detached from the UK than me after all that time. How’s the thinking going about the next stage? One thing I have found, at least, is that the luxury to stop and think is something I should have taken some time ago. Like you, diagnosis has really made me sit up and take stock of my life, and in some ways I can see this is a good thing.

Anyway, I hope I haven’t lost you all with my rubbishness at following my own threads! Since my first post I’m feeling a lot less upset and alone, and it’s support and understanding from people like you that has really helped.

Rachelx

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Hi Rachel,

Don’t worry about losing your own thread. When we forget to click save, it just get lost in all the other posts.

I’m originally from China (hope you can see my profile and read a bit more). My employer has agreed to continue keeping me on full pay and help me with my visa application when I need to do so before the end of Nov. So, that’s one less thing to worry about for now. I was speechless when he put that offer to me. What more can I ask?

Going through a really rough patch at the moment. Nearly a year on, I’m back to square one again with Tamoxifen failed and progression discovered last month. Now on a new chemo and finding it a lot harder to cope with. My confidence and determination have taken a huge knock but keep telling myself that the “old” me will be back.

Take care xx

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Hi Rachel,
I have found myself falling into their routine, its hard not to I think! Sometimes I love it because I can become a “child” again, but other times it really annoys me, especially when they want to know where I’m going, who with and what time I’ll be back!
I am looking into going back to work, just agency work for a while I think. I’ve found that they have been very understanding about my situation, I think it helps that I have worked for them before though.
How are you getting on? XX