This is a very awkward post and please be gentle, I am trying to play a neutral part here and my family are all pulling their hair out at the moment trying to work this out.
I need some guidance and help with my sister. A year ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had chemotherapy once then decided against it. She then started reading books like about how to eat to cure cancer and she reads these things as gospel. She is literally turning a blind eye to medicine and also believes that she can pray herself better.
I have no idea as to what she is going through, none of my family do. I know she feels scared, upset, angry, bold, so many things. I can’t help but be quite frightened that she is putting all her hope in god and money making books. I can’t talk to her without getting upset of angry which I feel incredibly guilty about.
I just wondered if anyone is going through the same thing or if anyone can advise on what to do. It just feels like she in unintentionally giving up and we will end up with should’ves and could’ves. Mum is so upset about this and never talks about it. I thought about some sort of group session but I don’t even know how to bring it up with her.
I know it’s hard for the family too and you obviously care about and love your sister.
I just don’t know what to say to you or how to help. I just wanted to send you a hug.
Remember that the lovely BCC advisors here and Macmillan and Maggies are there for family too. Maybe you could find some support, comfort, answers… I don’t know, through them?
As crabbit has mentioned BCC do offer support to family members so if you would like to talk things through with a trained member of staff do give the Breast Cancer Care helpline a call on 0808 800 6000.
Here you can share your concerns with someone who will offer you a listening ear as well as emotional support and practical information.
The lines are open Monday to Friday 9 to 5pm and Saturday 9 to 2pm.
Hi Teacakes,
It must be terribly hard for your whole family at this time, and very difficult to know what to say or do for the best.
All I can say, as a person with a strong religious faith, is that FOR ME part of how that works out is believing that God (deities/higher force/whatever your sister trusts in) gifts medical professionals with the understanding and insight that leads to surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy etc. I am contact with people of different faiths and worldviews many of whom see diet and/or prayer and/or crystals and/or rituals as helpful, but most see them as part of a bigger whole in which medical care plays a central part.
I wonder why you sister has chosen not to continue her chemotherapy? I am sure she won’t be the only person to do so. It is no failure on your part whatever she decides, so please hold on to that. Knowing that you love her and repsect (if don’t agree with or understand) her choices will I am sure be a great comfort to her.
Crabbits’ suggestions are really useful. It may be there is a chaplain that your sister could speak to - they have their heads screwed on and are accustomed to handling situations like this. Sadly, there are some religious nutcases out there who, though usually well intentioned, lead vulnerable and hurting people to make very bad choices.
Hi Teacakes, this must be so difficult for u & your family as well as your sister. She sounds as if she’s in denial about things a bit & you’re all obviously very worried about her & want her to have the best treatment. How old is she? I have 2 sisters & i know i would want them to have the treatment advised. She must have found the chemo very hard to stop at one dose.
Ringing the helpine is a really good idea, they’ll give u great advice, i believe they also have a buddy type system where they can pair people up via phone so they can talk to someone in a similar position. Maybe that sort of thing would help your sister & u. Course she’s scared, it’s a very scary place to be, i’ve found this forum to be a lifeline since i was diagnosed, i don’t know how i’d have managed without it, it makes u feel so much less alone. Would your sister join something like this?
You’re obviously a very caring family who just want the best for her & i really hope she does something about her treatment. Take care & let us know how u get on. xx
Hi Teacakes. I am wondering if your sister has any support from a faith group or whatever… or whther she is just reading these books and going it alone? As RevCat says, most faithgroups would work WITH medicine… and you might be able to get some support from there if she is connected…
Did your sister have radiotherapy do you know? The reason I am asking is that some people are borderline for chemo. I know a lady who made the decision to stop chemo as she felt so awful and was borderline in the first place with only a minuscule benefit. Her prognosis was very good either way. However, most people who don’t need, or are borderline for chemo, will have radiotherapy. Do you know anything about the size? And I assume she had surgery to remove it?
I know what it’s like to have a sister you worry about - mine is a nightmare and has caused years of worry and sleepless nights, but I’m finally accepting that she’s her own person and won’t listen to me!! In fact, she does the opposite to anything I suggest.
I would tread carefully as it sounds as though she doesn’t take kindly to you questioning her choices and decisions. Could she be taking tablets like Tamoxifen and just be hiding this from you as she enjoys the controversy she’s causing? (something my sis would do!)
On a positive note, in the olden days all they used to do was remove the breast - no chemo, rads or tablets. And many of them survived. But obviously not as many as with the advances in medicine.
Are these sudden changes or has she always been religious and into diets? She must have believed in medicine when she was diagnosed to have had the tests etc and to have embarked on chemo. Maybe it was all such a horribly scary shock that she had to find different ways to regain control?
hello… it must be so hard for you all to sit back … watching … but not feeling able to do or say anything…
i believe everyone diagnosed with a life threatening or changing condition seeks comfort and guidance … im more a weddings and funerals church go,er. but believe me … i said my prayrs and begged to be cured …as ive no doupt many many others have done … if your sister finds strength this way … and if it gives her peace thats fantastic…perhaps you could get in touch with her local minister or the local vicar and have a meeting with him/her … express your fears,? perhaps they could visit your sister ? and give her some guidance ?.there is no reason why religion and medicine cant compliment each other and you may find if this is mentioned by the vicar/ minister your sister may decide to have medication as well as faith … as for the eating of different things … mmmmm i believe there are certain things that must be very good for you , i also believe there are a lot of crap things offered as cures that should be avoided at all costs … your sister is in a very horrible place at the moment and she is obviousley scared and worried and perhaps in denial … if you seek the type of guidance your sister is looking for you may just get the help you need to help her … i hope everything works out well for you all angie xx
How terribly difficult for you and your family. Did you sister have any other treatment such as radiotherapy and/or surgery? Chemo for me was absolutey dreadful and I can understand why someone would find it hard to continue. To me though, no matter how hard it was worth it.
I have looked at diet in great detail looking at academic research as well as many of the books out there. One thing that has stood out to me in all that I’ve looked at is that there is no strong and conclusive evidence that changing diet (adding in and/or taking out things) can cure cancer. Anecdotal evidence just isn’t worth anything as anyone can make anything up. (I believe in the importance of diet and have made a lot of dietary changes to try to help my body but only alongside treatment).
It sounds very much like your sister is frightened and to a very large extent in denial. Could you say how hard it is for you to cope with and that you’d like her to help you to understand her reasons for not having conventional treatment. Perhaps if she can begin voice her fears, she may be able to overcome them and at least talk through options with the Oncologist. You could also ask her to have her cancer monitored and reassessed. I also think Angie’s idea to get the minister or priest involved could be helpful.
I would certainly recommend the BCC helpline, they are so knowledgable and may have some ideas.
take care, Elinda x