six days to surgery and I am in bits

I have not posted any new threads about my worries recently, because I managed to get some strength and felt so positive about everything. I even had a mental health assessment on Monday and they said I was coping marvellously. Yesterday that all changed. I have sunk so deep into a depression almost over night (I had some vallium in the cupboard from earlier mental health problems) I have taken some because my tummy feels so churned up like its in a vice being squeezed. I am constantly running to the loo with cramps and upset tummy. Hubby keeps saying it will all be ok. It might be, but there is a chance it might not be. I have used the helpline alot and they have been fantastic, but they have been honest and told me from the test results I have had that it could be cancer. The test results which I found out for myself were in a letter from my gp which he copied me. The tests do say that its probably benign but I have just convinced myself that its going to be cancer. I just feel like giving up. Why was I managing to be so positive and now I feel like this, I am so damn scared.

Thanks for reading this ladies.

Love Jules xxx


Sorry to hear you’re feeling so low. I got my hospital admission letter in the post today for surgery next Friday and my stomach lurched - any hope of putting this out of my mind for the weekend is gone. What surgery are you having?


Hi Mischa, I am having a lumpectomy next week (Friday 23rd) to see if the lump is benign or the dreaded C word! I was coping ok until about yesterday and everything went to pot. I have taken a vallium this morning on my hubbys advice, but as I have not needed them for a while there a bit out of date. I rang the emdocs and explained about how I am feeling and hoping that I will get a perscription to keep me going over the next few weeks till after surgery and I get my results. My stomach actually feels like its in a vice and being squashed, does that make sense.

What are you having surgery for hun.

Love,hugs and best wishes Jules xxxx

Hi Jules - I know from your other postings how much you have going on in your life, quite apart from this. It is totally understandable that your lurch from being OK to being incredibly scared, the waiting is just the pits. We will all be waiting to hear how your are, and I hope you know us well enough by now to know that you will get lots of support from everyone here one way or the other. Whatever the outcome you WILL get through this. Good luck - and to you as well Misha. Sarah

Thank you so much Sarah for your kind words, I have really lost it today, I know it seems so stupid, but I have gut feeling that I have BC. I rang the helpline (again) today and they have said that its understandable and that its just the anxiety making me feel that way. I think you ladies are all amazing I really do, and don’t think if my dx is cancer, I will cope anywhere near as well as you all do.

Love Jules xxx

Hi Jules

Still thinking of you and the post-it note remains on the kitchen wall.
Try to hang in there.

big hugs


aawww thanks Magsi your such a nice kind lady, I really appreciate that.

Hugs xxxx

Well I have been to the emdocs today, and have been given an uptodate prescription for Vallium 28 x 5mg! That should keep me calm (er) until the operation. My friend has been round today so had some company which has been good.

oh Jules… poor you. I know how you are feeling - it is frightening. very frightening. but whatever the outcome you will be looked after and you will get through it - I know it probably feels like you dont know whether you are coming or going at the moment but try and hang in there until you know for sure what the outcome is… I dont know what I can say to make you feel any better… just that people are thinking of you all around the country on here and that we are all wishing you well x

woohoo jules,its ur lil mate ere x x aww hun dont be so frightened,u just made me cry readin this new thread x x uve come along away+i know its gettin nearer 2friday,but no matter what,i will always be here if u ever need any1 2chat 2 x x u helped me so much+i would like 2 say a big thankyou 4 everything x x loads a hugs karen x x

Hi Jules - Glad that you have had some company, and also recognised that you needed a little extra help and took yourself to the docs. There is no easy way to get through the coming days (and nights), just keep yourself as busy as you can. Also, remember that you have been told that it is probably benign. Try not be be totally overwhelmed by thinking it is cancer, of course you will think about that but kick those dark thoughts into their proper place!! Even those of us who do have cancer go on to have the treatment and we all get through one way or another, taking it day by day. Thinking of you with love and a hug. Sarah.


Yvonne xx

Awww ladies, thank you so so much for your kind words, I find it so humbling that you are all going through so much, but you still find time to comfort/support me. It really really means so much so thank you from the bottom of my heart. Teasea I am so pleased that your mum is doing so well, she sounds like an amazing lady, thank you so much for your good wishes it really helps me so much.

I have had 5mg of vallium tonight, and hmmm a couple of glasses of wine. I did check with the pharmacist and he said don’t get drunk but the odd glass of wine won’t hurt you. I feel sadly quite sober, and not at all sleepy which is what I wanted to feel. My friend is staying over and is snoring away in the other room! (she has no cares in the world bless her) so easy to get to sleep. She has been a star today and brought me over some beautiful roses and some nice bangles. We normally go out to a bar or a club, but I am not upto that, so we got fish and chips, wine and a DVD and have chilled out.

I feel guilty because I have not rung my mum for two days, but if I do she will realise I am not coping well, and I feel so bad her getting upset when she is in the throws of breast cancer herself. She has her MRI in June to see if it’s spread. My daughters depression has been better the last day or two so thats something positive.

I can’t wait for 2009 because this year has been so pants for my family, and I just worry it will get worse before it gets better.

Thank you again Mags, Yvonne, Jenny , Sarah and Karen your stars and your messages mean alot to me.

Hugs Jules xxxxxx

Had a good day but now I am feeling crap. Just burst into tears for no reason whatsoever about half an hour ago. I had managed to focus on other things, and then I suddenly thought, hey hold on a minute you might have BC. Suddenly I hit earth with a bump.


Hi Jules

I have everything crossed for you.

Its natural to feel stressed about this, and I am sure that your Mom will understand why you have not rung. You are probably both trying not to worry each other.

Hope everything goes ok


Tips x

Hi Jules,
your bound to be stressing the stomache problems sound like a mild IBS thingy, stay positive at least you have got only 5 days till that horrible lump comes out of your body, you will wake up feeling so relieved, honest!!!

Jules I had my surgery 4 weeks ago and it wasnt the best of news The surgery wasnt as bad as I thought I dont have a big scar as it only looks like a scratch and my boob looks like it did before despite having a sizeable lump removed my surgion was great it;'s hard to stay positive all the time your allowed to feel depressed but it will come and go it’s like an emotional rollercoaster that you cant get off you feel as if no one understands you and it’s difficult to understand. It’s the first thing you think of when you awake and it stays with you all day which can be emotionally draining to say the least also you will find that you dont sleep to good so that can have a major impact on you too just take one day at a time sweetheart and think of it as one day closer to being back to your normally bouncy happy self and before you know it you will. I f it is not the news your hoping for look at it this way when you were pregnant you knew full well you were goning to have sicness and feel tired and go through at lot of pain but you did and came out the other end Breast cancer is a bit like that “but with no dirty nappies” but as with babies you have to be prepared which has helped me I’m just about to start Chemo and thanks to these forum I have every medicine you can name that will help with my side effect it also makes me feel that bit safer knowing that I’m doing something for myself as you tend to get the feeling that everything is running away from you and hapening to fast take time out for you do the things you love and screw the washing or ironing this is about you now and your the most important person in the world right now. If you want to talk and have msn you can talk to me there (post edited) it helped me to talk to someone who is just ahead of me on treatment.

Wish you all the luck in the world

Prayers are with you

Hi Jules

Hope all goes well over the next 2 days - I know you go in today to have the wire fitted and then the lumpectomy on Friday. Remembering you in thoughts and prayers…really hope you are not finding it too stressful, it will soon be over.

Magsi x

Hi Jules

I know it’s easy to say but look doll, try and not worry. I got a biopsy and was told it was bc. I then had a lumpectomy and all my lymph glands removed, i now have an appointment to see doc about starting chemo. I never thought that i could have made it this far but i did. i read that you have a good friend supporting you, and that helps. You have friends on this sits aswell and were all behind you, i have had support from the ladies on this site and you will too just like your going to get through this. Take care Jules.

xx & hugs

Hi Jules,
Fingers crossed for you!
Re stomach thing, oh boy do I now how that feels, try ginger or peppermint. Peppermint tea’s good if you like it, or peppermint tablets (Colpermin for example) really does help the cramps. So you burp peppermint for a couple of days, but what the heck.