I too had to have my dog put to sleep whilst having rads a few months ago. I am still devastated and break my heart most days over the loss of her and my other dog. She was 16 but still my baby, such a loving and loveable character and the only comfort is that she is now reunited with her companion and I can think about them playing happily together again.
My heart goes out to you GrannyScouse and Jenny.
It’s so nice that many people on here understand about dogs being family - lots without pets just don’t seem to have any comprehension of the joy they bring to your lives.
BTW I don’t find it peculiar about the box by the bed as we did that with one of ours too…until she couldn’t manage that so we had to pick her up and put her on the bed. She used to stand up with her paws on the bed and turn around and look at me as if to say ‘come on Mom, help me up’. Ours weren’t big dogs and they always slept on our bed. I don’t care whether people think it’s disgusting.
I’m so with you and my heart just breaks for your pain. I was diagnosed on 3rd Jan last year and had to take my beautiful Minx, 18yrs old lab cross border collie to be put to sleep on 9th and like you I was with her to the end - I felt like a traitor, even though we knew that it was for her benefit. We have another elderly collie who was so lost and needed a lot of attention and she has taken some of the ache away, it eases with time but hasn’t gone away yet. Plus was that I was numb from dx and it opened the flood gates and I cried solid for hours. All the best to you and your family