so scared, waiting to go into hospital

I was diagnosed with breast cancer on 23rd June. I have to have a mastectomy of the left breast and removal of some lymph nodes. I am sooo scared. I keep waking at night worrying about it and the fact that now my life will never be the same. I am too scared to go through with the re-construction. It’s not the op I’m scared of because I shall be asleep but it’s the waking up and having to face everything else that scares me. I’m a wimp, I cant stand dentists/hospitals anything like that. I’ve never had an op or stitches. It’s on my mind 24/7. I have 2 children aged 14 and 16 and I’m trying to stay sane for their sakes. Also I would like to hear from anyone that has opted to just have the prothesis and never have the re-construction at a later date. How are you getting on with it?

Hi Tabbykaz,

I found waiting to go into hospital one of the worst times, worse even than waiting for results. Walking across the hospital car park I was hit with so much fear I wanted to throw up but I had not eaten anything and all I could was burst into tears.

When is your operation - what are you having done? Have you seen the leaflet on this site - Your Operation and Recovery? It gives alot of info about what to expect . Also your hospital may have a leaflet. If you know what is going to happen it makes it a little easier to handle.

Best Wishes
Misha

Hi Tabbykaz,

So sorry you are going through this too. I had left mastectomy in May and no reconstruction and it really is not that bad. I felt the same as you too about how I would be afterwards and It has taken me a while to get used to my new “look” but the fact that the cancer has been taken away is what keeps me positive. They give you a “comfy” boob post op which I am still wearing today but I am now ready to go for my fitting for the prothesis. I have found some nice bra’s (which are “normal” and pretty) and so am getting on with it OK.

There was mention that I could have reconstruction after all my treatment (I a having chemo now and then rads after that) but to be honest, I’m not sure I can be bothered to put my body through another operation when I am coping alright with what I’ve got. My hubbie has been very supportive too and he was my main worry, would he still find me attractive etc. but he says it is just part of me…bless him.

I wish you all the very best my love. Do let us know when you op is as you will find you get lots of well wishes and support and many people to hold your hand and help you through this scarey time.

Take care and chat soon,
Hayley x

Oh thank you so much for replying, Misha and Hayley. You have both made me feel a bit more relaxed about what is in store for me. I haven’t got an actual date to go into hospital yet but they have said it will be around the end July/beg Aug. I will let you know as soon as it has been confirmed. I was pleased to hear you are getting on alright with the softie boob Hayley, I’m hoping I will find it ok to live with permanently, without the need for going back into hospital for re-construction as I really can’t see me putting myself all through it again!! I have small boobs anyway and dont wear low cut tops or strappy tops, etc, so as they are usually covered anyway I’m hoping the prothesis will do the job.
Look forward to chatting with you again soon xx

Hi Tabbykaz
I had a mastectomy of the left breast and a sample of lymph nodes on taken in mid December and opted not to have a reconstruction.
I am a size 34A and am quite happy with just a comfie. I was given a prosthesis but found it too heavy. I am quite happy using the comfie in a mastectomy bra or more often in an ordinary under wired padded one from primark.
I am still able to wear all the things I wore before and have got a strapless bra so I can wear strappy tops if i want to. I also wear the same swimsuit as before with the comfie inside it and we don’t part company in the water!!!
Keep in touch and ask lots of questions its the only way of finding out what its really like.
All the best Tabbykatz
M x

Hi again,
I meant to say the same as Magsi - I still wear all the same clothes as before and im a 32DD! I do feel a bit lop sided when braless but think I will benefit with proper prothesis as they are weighted (as Magsi said). If you wear the right sized bra then falsie is secure and not going anywhere. ( I had been wearing 36C for years and was properly measured last week to discover I was conpletely different size) I haven’t been swimming yet so good to hear that Magsi’s has not gone a floating, did wonder about that.
Keep us informed love
Hayley x