So scared ?

Hi, I’m new to this forum and have seen so much support and help from a great bunch of people who are going through similar circumstances.

I literally am going out of my mind…

I experienced some weird prickling sensation everytime you brush your arm passed your boob, it only feels like that upon touch, and it’s not ever day it happens either ?other than that it doesn’t bother me, no.lump found by nurse on initial assessment.  I was referred to the breast clinic and she said it’s pretty much peri menopause and called it cyclical breast pain.  As part of the process I was offered a mammogram and after 2 week wait they have asked me to have a ultrasound and more xrays.  The lady who I rang to confirm the appointment with said it could be because they have nothing to compare your results too, but obviously couldn’t actually confirm either way…also ultrasound gives more information that’s not detected on xray especially if you have dense breasts…

So of course, I’m so scared…I have the xray and ultrasound on Tuedsay next week, I just dont know what to do with myself.  I don’t know if I’m over reacting or not?! 

Like many others on here I have a young child too.  Part of me is bottling it, other part of me is thinking come on Bluecat, suck it up buttercup!! 

Any support would really be appreciated…

Hi Bluecat

Why should you just suck it up? You’re human, you’ve experienced some breast cancer alarm triggers (I’m referring to the fears around it, not to the actual disease) and you have had a call-back which triggers even more alarm.

First I’d say you are really fortunate to have met with a consultant determined to eliminate all possibilities and offer that range of tests when the early indication is that breast cancer isn’t present. Anything could have cropped up on your first mammogram, some calcification, a slight movement, an area that didn’t quite get squeezed in - you just can’t know. So please try hard to think beyond breast cancer to other explanations, as most lumps (for example) don’t turn out to be breast cancer. So why should this?

However, as all of us who’ve been through this nightmare know, the waiting can be horrendous. People react in many ways - constant crying, panic attacks, numbness - so what you are experiencing is normal in a horrible situation. It doesn’t matter that they aren’t expecting to find anything - your fears have to be allayed and they won’t be till you get the results. Meantime, I recommend that you focus really hard on your emotional wellbeing. It’s essential, even with a young child in tow. Do whatever makes you feel good and clear your head - meditation, mindfulness, walking, running, cooking, anything. There are many excellent YouTube videos that help you relax physically and mentally (my favourite is Progressive Hypnosis’s Manifest healing - she talked me through all my treatment and beyond). There are apps like Calm and Headspace. You need to work hard at this to keep you in a better place so you don’t keep berating yourself for feeling naturally anxious.

I wish you all the best for the best possible outcome. Do let us know.

Jan x

PS. I’ve just read a post from Mrsquincy who has written: “I had completely exhausted myself by letting my fears consume me with the what ifs this week. But with my results I now feel so much more relaxed.” I hope she doesn’t mind me pinching her words but it sums it all up!

Hi Bluecat - first of all a big hug from me too, it’s really good that you found this lovely forum. Sometimes it’s just a lot easier to chat to people who have gone through similar than speak to our family and friends. 

You have received some great advice from Jan (Jaybro). There isn’t much I can add to that, but I didn’t want to read and not stop by to give you some extra support.

Try to take one day at a time, or even one hour at a time, and yes you are right - “thoughts are not facts”. One other tip I was given was to try to set aside a “worry time”, say half an hour between 3-3.30pm. If the worry strikes in the morning you tell yourself (in theory at least) that you won’t think about it now but will wait til worry time. It’s not easy but it does go some way to trying to stop the thoughts eating into every hour of every day. As Jan says, also take special care of yourself, lots of kindness and treats.

Please do continue to chat on here, any time, no question or worry is too big or too small or too silly - we all just get it, and no explanation is ever needed.

Evie xx