Hi i have been told this week that i have breast cancer i am 34 years old no age !!!. Anyways had mammogram ultrasound and biopsy done on tuesday had results on thursday. I have ductual cancer in my breast near my nipple i also have cancer in my lymph gland under my armpit. Next week i have to go to ent to have a lymph gland in my neck tested just below my ear but on the opposite side to the breast that is affected. I have so many questions has anyone else had anything simalar at all i carnt stop crying in complete shock cold and shakes for two days any advice would be greatly appreciated also i have two girls teenagers how to approach them with this is so hard and devestating xx
Hi
Sorry you have had this bad news. I was 38 when diagnosed last march and I know how devastating it can be. My children were 2 and 4 at the time, so I can’t imagine what dealing with teenagers must be like. The good thing about this site is that there will be lots of women who have experience with teenagers who can help. Please post any problems are request advice ot experiences. For now you need to concentrate on you and look after yourself a bit. Be honest about how you feel, good and bad. Also be prepared for your medical team to give you information a little at a time. It tasked a while to get the full picture, but that is the same for everyone good luck debx
Hi Allycat,Your right you are too young, it’s not fair… I am 43yrs old and thought that was too young…
My advice to you is take each day as it comes, you will learn to be patient having to wait for results I found was always the worst.
Once you have been given a treatment plan you are then able to cope better, mines a year next month and I still get the shakes… All this is perfectly normal…
I would imagine you will be told the same as most of us, take a year out of your life, this is how long it normally takes for treatment… sounds scary I know but god time fly’s… When your having fun !!!
As for your teenagers, how old are they… I have two son’s who still live at home with me, 22 and 24 yrs old… At first I tried to protect them and keep things from them, but this made it worse for them so I think where possible honesty is the best policy.
I had a large aggressive tumor and 16 lymph nodes infected. They removed the nodes and the tumor but didn’t get all the margins, ive had chemo and rads now have a very mild chemo every 21 days, plus Herceptin as mine was hormone positive. I also take Tamoxifen which i will be on for 5 yrs. It sounds alot but believe me it’s all very doable ! Chemo can be sh…y at times, and some days i felt like crap… But you do it, because we have too.
Make sure you have good support from family and friends, this too is important, stay positive, easier said than done I know.
And be kind to yourself…
Love Teresa xxx
Hi,
I’m really sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I was 34 when I was diagnosed in March. Deb is right the most important thing it is to take care of yourself right now. I promise you this all gets easier once the news has sunk in and you’ve told people. For me the turning point was starting treatment, I was desperate to get on with it.
My children are still small but I have 5 cousins who I am very close with and see most days who are older, the youngest is 12 and the oldest 22 and the others all range in the middle. Their reactions were all different and they were much more informed than I expected for people of their age. There have been ups and downs with them, but then to be honest, in a normal year we have our fair share of ups and downs with them, well they are teenagers after all. I talked to one of them alot about the facts as she was very nervous and got angry as she thought I was hiding things from her. The older boys were very quiet about it and just wanted lots of reassurance. I worked really hard to make sure they didn’t keep their distance.
I’ve read alot of posts on here from women with teenagers and so I’m sure there will be lots of them along soon.
Take care
Joxx
Hi alleycat and welcome to the BCC forums
In addition to the support you have here from your fellow users please feel free to call our helpline where you can talk things through with one of our team in confidence, the line is open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2 on 0808 800 6000.
BCC have published a resource pack which has been designed for those newly diagnosed which you may find helpful, you can read more and order a copy via this link:
Here’s a link to some information about talking to your children too:
Take care
Lucy
Dear Alleycat
I am so sorry about your news. It must have come as a big shock. I had a very similar diagnosis just over a month ago ( 14th Oct) and have started chemo (will have my second FEC on Friday). Your reaction, crying, shakes etc is exactly what I went through initially. You will feel very angry at times too. Don’t feel you have to be strong: lean on friends and family as much as possible. There may be times when it doesn’t feel real: I felt like I wasn’t me as if it was happening to someone else and that I had gone away somewhere. I can promise you that it does get better. If you are having trouble sleeping do go to your GP for something to help you get through this period; my GP gave me something to help me with lack of sleep before my diagnosis .
Posting on this site means you will get support from others too, as you have already. I posted last week and had lots of very kind replies. The Breast Cancer care people put me in touch with a peer counsellor, the same age as me when diagnosed ( 40) who had similar diagnosis and treatment . She helped a great deal and I look forward to talking to her again. There are also younger women’s forums which I plan to attend. The helpline is open until 2 and they are great listeners. It really helps to talk about it sometimes.
It is a small consolation at the moment but as soon as I started chemo ( I am having chemo first) I felt I was beating this. Once all the tests and scans were done I felt very positive- still angry sometimes and I still cry- but it is getting better.
You may well feel once your treatment commences you are on the road to recovery. As Teresa said – it is a year out of your life- but you will stronger once you know what needs to be done and start treatment. I was very impatient to start beating this and nagged various departments to hurry along test appointments and the chemo start date.
There are some publications on talking to your children that you may find useful. It will be scary for them and the breast care nurse can give you advice on all of these areas. You may find your girls will be a big support and will help you get through this.
My 4 year old keeps me strong and my husband has located some domestic skills within himself (even if it’s bringing home some fish and chips). Ask people for help as much as you can: friends to come to appointments with you, ask people to send you ‘chin up’ texts,
When you don’t feel strong this is a great place to get support.
I’m sending huge hugs: you can do this and I promise it will get better.
Lots of love,
Sue x
Hi Allycat
I am so sorry that you are now a member of this site. The next few days/weeks are the hardest time and we have all gone through so many stages of grief, anger, postive thinking, negative thinking and lots of tears. At this point as you wait for your treatment plan it really is a matter of taking it one day at a time and the best thing is to try and keep as busy as possible and fill the time with all your favourite things. I especially found trying to work out what to eat and when was just beyond me so we made full use of the local fish and chip shop, chinese takeaway and went out for pub meals. I have 2 teenage girls and actually delayed my start on the conveyor belt as i call it until my eldest was home from uni for the summer. They both reacted in very typical but different ways, 1 got very protective and needed reassurance that the treatment plan would work, the other got very angry towards me and everyone else which was actually harder to deal with. Both have had support from the bc and chemo nurses and the school have given my youngest very good support so let the school know as soon as you tell them. They have now both acting as they were before, just typical teenagers!
I had a WLE as it was a grade 1 tumour but it was found to be in the lymph nodes so had clearance of them. I am due to have radiotherapy after which my consultant has said he will treat my neck area as well because so many of the lymph nodes were found to have cancer in them. I was worried about movement and the lymphoedema risk but have been reassured by bcn that as I am very healthy otherwise I am a lower risk. I now have full movement although some numb patches around the armpit and back of upper arm and although the lump was on the inside upper of my breast all the scars are around the nipple so I can still wear my v neck tshirts. Went out and met up with a few of the girls from work last night and had a great time so you can still enjoy life while undergoing treatment (had 5 of 6 chemo so far) and you will be surprised by the friends who offer great support.
As to how I explained it, I told my girls I had a lump which was cancer and next week there were going to be further appointments to work out the right plan for me to get rid of it. I explained I would need surgery which for us meant we had to cancel our holiday and that although I would be able to do lots of the things I do now, for a few weeks I might need some help at times. Gradually as I knew more so I told them but please understand although chemo is tough at times you will not be ill for the whole time.
Try to take some time over the next few days to do some nice things and any other questions just post,
Ali.
xx
Hi alleycat,
So sorry you’ve had this s#!y news I’m 36, with2 teenage boys, told them as soon as I got the dx, was truly the worst thing I’ve ever had to do, they reacted differently the eldest went quiet, the youngest cried, but 8 weeks since dx, they are back to being ‘teens’, although the first thing they do when they come home is ask how I’m feeling, unusual for boys! I’m sure your girls will be a big support to you, and help to keep your spirits up.
Thinking of you at this tough time xx
Hi alleycat - big hugs your way - this is sh*t, and of course you’re going to be scared and feeling every emotion under the sun.
Along with everyone else I can assure you that once you know exactly what you are facing, and what your treatment will be, you will somehow find it easier to deal with. The treatment may be awful - but just knowing that you are now fighting back, and not just waiting, makes a big big difference.
I am 41, have four children, two of them teenagers, and it wasn’t easy to tell them - but to put it from their perspective, when I sat them down and told them we needed to talk… the first thing out of my 15yo daughter’s mouth was “Oh my god, don’t tell me you’re pregnant”…
My son (16) took the news stoically, and would much rather not discuss it - he didn’t even take in that I was going into hospital for a mastectomy until he wondered why I demanded a hug from him before he left for college… when I came home, he was hugely helpful, but discussing bc is not for him, and I respect that. I know he will ask if he needs to know, and he does talk to his friends.
My eldest daughter, once past the pregnancy anxiety, was devastated and cried for ages - but I’ve been totally open with her, let her talk when she wants to, and she’s wanted to know what’s going on - how the drains work, what the wound looks like, she’s helped me adjust the stuffing in the cumfie prosthesis so I look more balanced… she’s been a star. She’s told all her friends, with my blessing - I think it is hugely important that they felt they were ‘allowed’ to discuss mum’s left breast…
I use the word ‘cancer’ frequently - hoping that using it a lot will remove some of the taboo feelings about the word, and I make it very clear that not everyone dies from bc, that there is treatment out there, and I intend to be around for a long time yet.
I hope this is of some help - my very best advice would be to tell them asap - no matter how oblivious teens seem to be, they are very good at spotting when something is wrong, and liable to jump to the wrong conclusions, stress themselves silly worrying about what is up - at least when they know, they can begin to learn to deal with it.
Sophie xx
Hi once again think i am slowly getting over the shock !!! Girls took it better than to be expected and its an open subject so i have had loads of questions about it which makes it better along with the hugs !!! Back at hospital this week for neck nodes biopsy as they are enlarged and also a cat scan. Will keep you posted. The kids main fear was me dying i told them thats not going to happen and that im gonna kick cancers ass. They know its gonna be a hard slog and to be honest im more concerned about chemo than losing a breast hate the kids seeing me ill. I am still shocked that i have it at 34 years of age with no family history at all. I would really like some adivce on what to expect masectomy and chemo wise as very nervous about them both. Thanks to all for your kind replies sorry for the delay needed a few days to get to grips with it xxx
I no its c–p news for you and your family the waiting is the worst theres one thing you will learn out of this horric ordeal is patience trust me on that i was always a y/day person it does take time for you to absorb things as there is just to much information all at once no one will say its pleasent they say its doable and there right you can do it to stay strong today is my last rads it has been almost a year since i was diagnosed i never thought it would end but here i am and happy to be here take care and keep us posted
Mastectomy was much less of an ordeal for me than I’d have thought. I’ve had very little discomfort post mx, ten days on my left arm is a little sore and I still get tired easily, but it’s nothing major. The drain you come home with is a pain, makes showering/bathing a challenge, but it’s only in for about a week, usually, and such a relief to get rid of it - mainly because hauling around a body length piece of yucky plastic tubing becomes a real drag.
Expect to be exhausted after a general - I hate sitting still, am really very bad at it - but I did spend most of the first week sitting in the comfy armchair staring at the telly - too wiped to even summon up the energy to root through the dvds for something better to watch! That did surprise me. I felt a lot better after I’d gone out for a walk - three days of being indoors and my head felt ridiculously woolly, so I would say try to get out for a bit of fresh air as soon as you feel up to it.
You will not be able to hoover/carry wet washing/get casseroles out of the oven (even if you wanted to!), so make sure you have plenty of help at home, if at all possible - and just put your feet up. It is a major op, even if you don’t ‘feel’ ill, and if you push yourself too hard you will pay for it. You need to heal, so you must rest. (I must be the world’s biggest hypocrite). I’m sure your kids will rise to the challenge - my eldest daughter (almost 15) has been a little star - making me endless cups of coffee/toast/soup, and sorting the younger ones out when my OH has had to go to work.
Chemo is just looming up in my future, so I’ve got no advice there, I’m a little anxious too - but the posts on here will give you a good idea of what to expect, and above all, reassure us that chemo may be nasty - but it is do-able, and it does come to an end.
As for the losing a breast thing - it really has not been that big a deal for me - start looking at your breast as a bad thing that is currently trying to kill you - and then hopefully your over-riding feeling post mx will be of relief - that’s the first step to beating this out of the way.
Big hugs to you, you can do this - we’ll all get each other through.
Sophie xx
Hi there
Sorry to hear your news, but one thing I can assure you is that you will get is the most amazing support from amazing people who this site.
My “children” are 19 and 21 and each of them has coped with it differently, however, the main thing that I have felt is important is that I have told them everything all along the way. Mainly the facts but what I have given them the resources to look into it further - eg this website, MacMillan, and I answered any questions as honestly as I can.
My thoughts are with you, but it does it get easier once you know treatment plans etc.
Hugs
SJ xx
hi im back again specialist took a look at my neck nodes and camera up my nose and down my throat there doesnt seen to be anything sinister there but just to make sure having an ultrasound and a biopsy done on lymph gland in my neck. Mri scan booked for 6th dec cat scan booked for 27th nov its strange now i just want them to hurry up and take it off. I am still extremely teary and get upset out of the blue. I am also extremey nervous and feel stressed out about the future trying to be positive but that one negative little bugger keeps creeping into my mind!!!. I have also now got to tackle my cigarette addiction. I feel more scared of chemo than anything else oh and waking up in the middle of an operation which my lovely brother thinks is hilarious to keep planting in my mind. How is everyone else ??
Hang on in there, alleycat - it’s good news that there is nothing sinister apparently lurking up your nose or in your throat - although it is a complete pain having to wait from appt. to appt.
Have you been given an idea of surgery dates yet? And do you know for a fact that you will actually need chemo? A lot of us manage to avoid it, and just have rads/hormone therapy (‘just’,lol, nothing is ‘just’ when it comes to bc, forgive me, girls) - I was hoping I’d avoid chemo too - but now I know I have to have it, it’s not as scary as just wondering… if that makes any sort of sense.
There are loads of threads on here about coping with chemo, and what it is really like to endure - they all made it through, and so will we, you’ll see - you’ll have us supporting you all the way.
And hush on the cigarette addiction… one thing at a time girl, don’t you have enough stress in your life at the moment? That’s what the NHS stop smoking adviser said to me on the phone… so that’s one less thing to think about at the moment. There’s always a chance that chemo will make me feel so cr*p that I don’t want a ciggy, but if I do, I do. Plenty of time to quit… next year.
Just kick your brother, that’s what they were put on this earth for.
Sophie xxxx
Hi Alleycat.
I can only echo Sophie’s sentiment Please don’t worry about the ciggies: whatever gets you through this. And do kick your brother, very hard where it might smart a bit.
This is the worst time because of the uncertainty. Once you know exactly what you are dealing with and have a treatment plan you will feel a lot better. Waiting for the tests and test results is very hard ; it was harder for me than waiting for the dx as I had already been told to expect bad news.
If you are finding it stressful do lean on people here and your GP could give you something if it is stopping you from sleeping. The in between times are hard but once you start treatment you’ll feel like you are beating this b****** already.
Good luck with the scans tomorrow.
Sue
Hi all
Chemo today!
On the ciggie thing, I decided that I would give up, as I was going to be home for a while…no work stress. Have spoken to 4 different people and asked for the tablets (as I am true addict, allergic to the patches, and the gum - well!!), and have been told you have enough stress without worrying about the cigs - aaarrrrhhhh. Everytime I have been to the quacks for the last ten years have been told that every (relatively) minor illness has been due to the cigs - torn tendon and al!!
When I visited the onc, he told me to give up!! I nearly died laughing!
We shall see how it goes - hoping all these bad tastes everyone talks about has the effect I want…
See you later - thinking of you Alleycat
SJ xx
hi sj how did the chemo go hope all is well x As for my cat scan its frustating that i have to wait once again for more results i am really not fond of needles but according to the cat scan operator i will love em after the next 12 months are done !!! Mri now to look forward to not looking forward to the feeling of peeing myself again. I was completely fine until i got into the scan room and then shook like a leaf all the way through didnt help with the no eating thing and feeling like i really needed to go to the loo. Fingers crossed all is ok with it ?. How is everyone else doing at the mo looking forward to xmas. Take care and keep me posted on how your all doing.
Penny xx
Hi Penny,
The results waiting bit is very hard, but it will get easier. The MRI scan was a bit weird for me. As I’m having primary chemo they wanted to measure both boobs. Lying face down with my boobs in two Perspex containers was a bit awkward but I think every health care professional I have met with only one exception in all this process has been so able to put me at ease. You will be ok.
As for the cigs. I quit for the last time 3 years ago. I still chew a few odd pieces of low strength gum. No one seemed to mind this. Do whatever gets you through. I imagine can’t if I had to face facing quitting on top of everything else.
Really looking forward to Christmas also. Will be half way through chemo then.
Hope your brother is behaving himself. He’s probably finding it hard to handle and is upset. My brother took me to chemo on Friday and he was upset by it all. He travelled across country on Thursday to be there for me. My OH tries hard. He does more nursery pick ups and housework. He jokes than when I have a reconstruction I should ask for a bigger boobs. Nice eh?
Each test will bring you closer to treatment and once you are on that road you will be beating this.
Lots of love,
Sue
hi sue how are you finding the chemo hope your not too ill xx Yes my brother handles emotion with humour bless him.I do hope it does get easier as it goes along as im so up and down at the mo. My OH is trying really hard to make me feel better about everything and the kids too its when im on my own im struggling sometimes. I just feel like im walking round looking like a wet weekend all the time. ive not really had alot of experience with hospitals and im really trying to stay positive. I decided to have my hair cut thinking it would make me feel better temporary release it worked!! xxx