Been trying to forget about all of this for a few days, but it’s pretty hard – at least the anxiety isn’t as bad.
Got ANOTHER letter in the mail, this time certified (ie: to make sure I get it), about the ultrasound appointment and how I haven’t made it yet.
Would this concern anyone else as much as it’s concerning me? She’s verry adamant about this ultrasound.
(It is scheduled, but she must not know, I’m currently trying to get in touch with her via phone but that has proven hard too)
hi W,
It’s nothing to be concerned about, she’s only doing her job in sending the letter. Its most likely the letter was generated unaware the appointment was already made. Not unusual for these things to happen!
Could your RN friend check it out for if you are finding it difficult to ring?
Whatever happens, so glad you’ve got the appointment shortly.
ann x
Yeah it’s just a techy glitch. …you’ve moved away from the standard process in making the appointment a slightly different way. …can you just send a quick hand written note back to your priMary doctor saying date and time you have your appointment. That will save on the stressy phonecall. I did a few letters instead of phonecalls when I wasn’t feeling up to conversation. ?
Hello!
My RN friend had spoken to my GP about me and the anxiety and fears. Dr called me and said she knows my life has handed my bad cards and that it’s hard for me to think this can not be anything besides BC, but maybe this was the one time in life where I would be proven wrong and life would work out positive rather than negative. She said there are other things the lump could be (Though I can’t recall what she said exactly, and I wondered if she just meant lumps in general or mine in particular… I do know she didnt mention fibroadenoma, which is what I am hoping mine is), she doesn’t know if it’s cancer or not, and that cancer is rare in my age group but does happen so she wants to just make sure. She said IF it is something, the earlier it’s caught the better because treatment is very successful. I said it didn’t appear to be the case in younger people especially if it’s triple negative; she said that wasn’t true. She explained the letters were just standard procedure, as you guys have noted. I felt calm after she spoke to me because the conversation was very rational and I was in a state of panic. But of course, with an anxiety issue… as the days pass it takes over again. I have not slept, and I have had full blown anxiety attacks. It’s pathetic, I can’t believe I am falling apart like this. I knew I had a medical anxiety but I didn’t know it was THIS BAD. It’s the weekend now so I can’t call in. Part of me feels pathetic because what if this isn’t cancer? I’d feel like a fool being consoled by you guys who actually have it. It seems rude and insensitive of me. But on the other hand… This lump does not feel right. In fact, I have now noticed it’s a small lymph-node shaped lump on top of a larger rubbery nodule. Makes me wonder if it’s spread to the nodes. I have a firm lymph node beneath my ear/on jawline that feels the same, it’s been like that for years, I think a result of the sinusitis I used to get as a teenager.
I’m just trying to figure out how to brace myself for what could be happening to me. How am I going to pay for the treatment, it’s just going to deplete my funds. How am I going to be able to bear constant doctor appointments and the anxiety that goes with it. If I do get “cured” how will I live in peace instead of constantly fearing a reoccurance? This lump just does not feel right.
hi W,
It’s such a pain when the anxiety monster raises its head again, you thought it was sleeping & leaving you alone, then it roars again.
To keep it at bay, just try & focus on what the dr said, this will soon be resolved & you will move on.
Yes, we’ve had bc & for me, the experience was nowhere near as bad as I feared, treatment was completed within a few months & now back to life as usual.
For everyone, awaiting investigations is the worst part of this, but dealing with it does make it better & time takes care of it.
However you feel, it is still highly unlikely to be anything serious.
take care
ann x
You know woeisme…I’ll reply more fully later bit I wanted to say to you - yes I also HAD breast cancer. When you come out the other side of treatment you actually thank your lucky stars it was found, that you took action yourself, that medical treatments are different than they were years ago, that we live in a modern age, that you have the chance of a long and happy life because of all of those factors. The fear , the ‘it’s not fair’ ’ why me’ and ’ I can’t deal with this’ become ‘well I have to get on with it …what choice do I have’. Honestly, this definitely IS the worst part in the process where you are now…waiting and not knowing. Ok you don’t come out the other side feeling fantastic and whoopydoo, mental healing takes time, but you don’t feel anywhere near as you feel now ! I will come back later when not typing on phone lol
Ann & Charys,
Thank you for continuing on with me.
My mind is pretty blank right now to respond but, tomorrow is my US.
I’ll report back when I get home.
As far as my friend has told me, I won’t know anything tomorrow. She said they just take the imaging and then send the report to my Dr who will in return call me with the results in approx. 2 days.
I’m okay with the appointment tomorrow, just scared of the call back.
hi W,
well done! we all know what waiting for results is like, but it always comes as a relief once its done.
take care
ann x
Hey everyone!
Well, um, that didn’t go to well.
I had a freakin anxiety attack in the room!
It just came over me when I saw the mammogram photos.
I didn’t want to see them. It was an accident.
But I guess my breast tissue is super dense because the whole front area was white
Probably a solid white mass tumor hiding in there somewhere.
hi W,
So glad you’ve done it, excellent!
Anxiety is fairly inevitable when waiting for results, but you will get through it & hopefully, all will well.
take care
ann c
Thank you Carys, ann, and ladybowler! You make me feel proud of myself haha
Haven’t gotten the results back yet but I will check in when I do.
If mine turns out to be benign I hope there is someway I can help the community now that I know what it is like to experience part of the journey.
Hi W,
How are you? hope all’s ok
ann x
Ann, Charys, and ladybowler (And everyone else who is following this thread)…
So I finally got my results back. I was told I would have them on friday, but friday came and went and I didn’t hear anything. Nothing on the weekend, nothing on Monday. I became a bit relieved at this point because I figured they probably put the “likely benign” stuff on the backburner, making me wait so long. I got a letter from the hospital yesterday afternoon, I was shaking so bad as I tried to open it, the report said there were no signs of cancer, but they didn’t say what it was. I read it 5 times because I couldn’t believe it. Then, my doctor called me last night after hours and told me the reports came in and it was a cyst. A cyst??? It’s on the surface below my skin with no layer of fat/tissue over it, I had no idea a cyst could feel this “hard.”
I feel all sorts of emotions now. Ever since my dad passed I’ve had surviver’s guilt, and now making friends on these forums… I feel guilty again.
That was literally the most scary thing that has ever happened to me, I wish I could just take all of the fear and suffering away from everyone else. I can’t just walk away and pretend this never happened knowing many people didn’t have the same outcome as me.
I’m thinking of reconnecting with a lady that I met during my dad’s treatments, she runs an art night for cancer patients and their family. Relevant because I’m a professional artist and could actually contribute. I don’t want to just go back to living the same way pretending I’m invisible and that this stuff doesn’t happen, it does.
hi W,
So pleased for you & thank you for your moving post, it has certainly been some experience for you, from which all can grow.
Although it can be easier said than done, please dont feel guilty, I’m sure your dad would be proud of you. As for the rest of us, well one thing I’ve learnt is getting a diagnosis is certainly not the end of the world & overall, I feel very lucky with it all.
What a wonderful idea to support your friend in using art to support others, brilliant!
Please keep in touch
& big group hug!
ann x
hi you guys!
Just stopping in really quickly here to say I hope you had a merry christmas (Hanukkah, or whichever holiday you celebrate) and a happy new years to come.
I Just got out of the ER! I will be back later with more & to read and respond to your posts. Just didn’t want you to think I had forgotten about you guys