I’m a 30y/o male who has a hormonal issue, so I am taking testosterone injections. Along with that I developed gynecomastica, so I have some breast tissue. Anyway, I found a lump behind my left nipple. My friend, who is a RN, convinced me to get it checked out. I saw the doctor yesterday and she noted that I had a “Small, soft, rubbery, mobile lump” around the 5 o’clock position. (It changes positions based on my stance or location of arms, etc). She said with any lump they order an ultrasound and/or mammogram to rule out breast cancer. She comments that it could possible by a lymph node but we need to make sure it is not cancer.
Anyway, I’ve accepted that i’m “ok” with it being cancer, it has been a fear of mine for years, ever since i developed the g ynecomastica that people said was a “rare” side-effect of the hormone therapy. I think I just assumed if it was cancer it would be an early stage and I could have it removed and carry on with my life. But after finally visiting the doctor and knowing I need these tests, it’s sort of scary. I imagine myself being told it’s far progressed or something, I dunno. I know that no one can tell me whether it’s cancer or not by feeling it, I know I need the tests, I just feel like I need to talk to someone. I haven’t told anyone because I don’t want people to worry or make a big deal of it.
So glad you have felt able to post here, it’s a timely reminder that men can be affected by this too.
This stage always feel scary & inevitably anxiety goes with territory, thankfully, you’ve done the right thing & you’re now in the right place to get to the bottom of it.
I certainly understand that feeling of not wanting to make a big deal of it, but at the same time having dealing with the anxiety of it all. Mostly, all turns out to be well, but do get support if you need it, let us know what happens.
No i haven’t had the ultrasound yet, I’m supposed to schedule one but just haven’t yet… I’m not really in the emotional mindset to deal with it if it is cancer… I just lost a very dear pet unexpectedly and I can’t take anymore pain right now.
I know logically if it is cancer that since it’s mobile it probably hasn’t spread much and I know the treatment for early detection is almost an 100% cure rate. My medical anxiety/expecting the worst still floods my mind with the thought of sitting there and being told it’s spread. The strange thing is I am not fearful of dying, I just don’t want to go through it all.
But to answer your question, she didn’t check my lymph nodes in my armpit region, although I did have a raised temperate of 99.9F and the lympth nodes under my jaw have been swollen on and off since the same time I found the lump under my nipple.
hi woeisme,
sorry to hear about your loss & this on top of it is going to exacerbate these feelings.
When going through this, the fear & anxiety is always worse that the actual reality, no matter what the outcome. It always feel better when you know what it is & chances are all will be well. Not knowing just prolongs it.
do take care & very best wishes
ann x
I know it might not be anything serious… but lots of people have had soft mobile ones that turned out to be cancerous. I don’t think it’s a lymph node like she said it *could* be, I noticed it over a month ago now, and it’s still there. I am still sick, too, but the lymph nodes under my jawline have receeded back to normal.
Sigh. I know the only way to know is to get the ultrasound, but for now “ignorance is bliss.” I just really don’t have the mental capacity to deal with cancer right now. Too much **bleep** is befalling me, this is the last thing I need. I got my dog’s remains today and I’m having a really hard time with it. he wasn’t just a dog, he was my friend. I live in a very secluded area and I’ve spent the past 9 years with him, every day (work from home). This sucks.
hi w,
It’s good to hear from you & so sorry about your dog. Losing a beloved pet certainly feels like losing a family member. Our young cat was attacked & had to be put down a week later, whilst I was having radiotherapy, so, ironically, we were both going to hospital on a daily basis during that awful week.
I’ve nothing more to add than I’ve already said, other than sending my very best wishes to you.
ann x
“It has been brought to my attention that you still have not scheduled your breast imaging tests. We had discussed a referral for further imaging. Based on symptoms and your examination, I highly recommend you get evaluated for this medical condition”
I don’t even know if I care, idk… I mean would I rather the cancer be removed or just live with it. Idk if i’m making a stupid decision, I just want to “enjoy” life for a bit longer without having to deal with that diagnosis. I have too much medical anxiety. I don’t want to have to go through all of that like, “Oh it’s cancer, it’s in all of your lympth nodes” etc
Based on what I can feel of the tumor, i’d say I’m probably stage 2 or 3. It feels like it’s about 2cm. It’s definitely not stage 0 because I feel a tumor. With my bad luck it’s spread to my liver already
hi again,W
I do find your response to this issue somewhat puzzling.
You say you don’t want to know if its cancer, but you have preoccupations that it is there, you say you have medical anxiety, but are not doing the very thing to address this anxiety by getting it seen to.
It is not possible to self diagnose cancer & statistically it is highly unlikely you have it anyway, so my response is DO make that appointment.
take care
ann
When I say i have medical anxiety, I don’t mean over this particular issue; I mean in general. You know how a lot of people freak out with going to the dentist? I am that way with the doctor, it’s full of bad memories and bad news, and I hate people attaching wires etc to me. I hate hospitals, they creep me out.
Talking about it here makes me feel better about going, and I guess if it is cancer I can come back here and have people to talk to. I really don’t want to tell anyone in person because I don’t want people to treat me differently, it’ll just make things worse
The thign with anxiety is that it’s irrational to everyone else but the person suffering with it. That’s probably why it seems like I’m saying different things. Some days I think, “It’s probably an early stage, I can do this,” other days it’s “I don’t even want to know if I have it or not.” Now it’s progressed to the point I am absolutely convinced I have it for sure, and not only am I convinced it’s cancer, with my luck, it’s not an early stage.
I’ve done more investigating, I don’t have much breast tissue so I was able to get the lump between my fingers as opposed to just feeling the top of it against my flat chest. It is mobile, however, I can feel the top of it, the sides of it, but not the bottom. The bottom isn’t adhered to my chest or anything, but it feels like it probably grew into the breast tissue. Which means it’s at a more advanced stage. Also, I fear mine is a triple negative. Why? Because that’s the type of **bleep**ty luck I have. Life can never just be simple for me, life experience has trained me to be like this. When I was 23 my dad was diagnosed with an incurable bone cancer, and for 5 years I watched him wither away. I am only now getting over it. I’m just so emotionally tired of all of this bad news.
I don’t mean to come here and burden you guys with my anxiety, but I do realize it’s severe. I am literally terrified of hospitals and I am more terrified of having to deal with everything that comes with it than the actual cancer itself.
hi W,
So sorry to hear about your dad, so tough to go through.
I’m not going to repeat what I’ve said below, however, I’m so glad to hear that you plan to see your gp about going to a therapist.
It is so difficult when anxiety interferes with decision making, how it makes you feel & the inevitable catastrophising of thinking that goes with it.
You owe it to yourself to move on with this.
all the very best to you,
ann
Thanks you guys. It is helping, tomorrow on Monday I’ll call to see about getting a therapist, I can’t live like this. I’ve cleaned and put my stuff in order to prepare for the diagnosis. Yes, i’m in the US (sadly lol)
As for that ignorance is bliss comment… well, it is sometimes because I had forgotten about the lump for awhile, until I got the letter. Now the anxiety is full force. I’ve made myself physically ill. My friend said even if I do have cancer what type of life is it sitting in my room in the dark being sick, which is true.
The thing is, the “not knowing” stage is so bad because well… I feel i DO know. I know I can’t be 100% sure, but I’m just trying to get ready to receive the diagnosis. I’m sick thinking it’s already spread, I’ve no idea how long the lump has been there. Sigh.
And this is how I know my fears are fueled by illogical anxiety that needs professional help: Yesterday I spent, literally, 12 hours, googling and reading stories and statistics, touchign the lump and trying to assess it, etc. I had no long I had been doing it until I looked at the clock and saw it was 4am.
What’s scared me though is the lump feels perfectly round from the top skin, but when I grab it from the side it feels almost like it’s got an edge on it, a bevelled edge. I’m going to go now because as I type this I realize how delusional I am
Well guessed about the US link Ann…I hadn’t worked that out! Yep your friend is right, this is no sort of life making yourself ill and spending life googling checking and being fearful…let’s presume you DO have cancer…you can’t just sit there and ignore it forever. You either ‘GET IT’ now or eventually…maybe years away…it gets you. Yep it *** sucks, (see I prob ably would have got the US link from that phrase lol) …your world feels turned upside down right now…but it won’t stay that way !!! Keep chatting to us x
Oh and the ‘it’s spread’ …look…there are women here (moijan springs to mind and carolyn) who have had secondaries for years and years. Their life goes on and theirtreatment keeps it under control. In your very very worst scenario, the massive IF, it still doesn’t mean you can’t carry on living your life
.
Yea… I had sorta forgotten about it while dealing with the death of my dog, but now my anxiety is in full force. I went to the hospital today and saw my friend who is a nurse there, she scheduled my ultrasound for december 14th.
I’m scared… My whole world may change but you’re right, even if it is cancer I just have to approach life a little differently.
I read something about how with people under 30 the cancer is usually aggresive, I read a scientific study about people under 30 and under, vs people 30 and over. It’s scary
Well done, W, I’m so pleased for you & also quite relieved!
Good luck with it all & hopefully all will be well.
It’s probably best to step away from google as it can feed the anxiety.
Let us know how you get on,
very best wishes
ann x
I’m still a little scared, of course, but ignoring it doesn’t make the cancer go away. I’ve noticed the “single bump” is actually 2 bumps, one on top of the other. I’ve accepted my life may change big time 14 days from now… So for the next 14 days I’ll just enjoy my normalcy.
I’ve stopped reading the bad statistics on people under 35 cause it was just making me sick. If I have it I have it, nothing I can do but accept that.
