I am heart broke to hear these struggles, and I don’t know if anything I say can be of comfort or guidance but I try. Today I just want to share my appreciation to you all.
I am the “black sheep” of my family. Adopted and unaccepted by the siblings and adopted mother, it was my adopted father who really made the choice for adoption. So, after decades of abuse and neglect I can tell you I want nothing more than to have a family rally around me in support in this journey. But I disowned them 10 years back for my own sanity,my two brothers were the only ones to reach out and work on building something but no one else did. After diagnosis I was numbed, very angry. Why after years of suffering does this too get dumped on me? What did I do to deserve this? And all those questions.
I did most of this on my own, I have a daughter who is wonderful but I dont want to unload my burdens on her, or anyone, and if I pull away maybe when I’m gone it won’t be so hard on her. It’s flawed thinking but it’s what it is, I don’t want to hurt anyone. Sometimes I feel like a cat who is dying, they will typically isolate themselves, that’s kinda how I feel especially since I never had anyone before.
Then came that breaking point I think we all have where everything is all so overwhelming and heavy on our shoulders, I reached out to a brother who is partially friendly… somewhat… and let him know all that was happening. He decided to rally the other 6 siblings (sisters the other brother has died) to support me and what I got was a text from a sister who said, “You better appreciate whatever support you get” another messaged me saying “Seems like people get what they deserve” and the rest were silent, nothing at all.
So being reminded why I stay away from them I went searching for a new family to help me stay sane in all this and came upon this site.
Wow! It is so great to be able to read other people going through the same things, different perspectives, not always agree for sure with what some say but I appreciate that they are sharing.
This place has fast become my family. You don’t know me, but I feel supported being here. I thank you all for your kind words, encouragement, and for sharing your journey.
Thank you
