Hi all. Sorry to post on here again about my mood swings but I am having another bad spell of the blues and had no one else to turn to! I am 4 yrs out from dx but I have mild autism and BPD (dx before BC). I knew it would be a rough ride to accept the new normal but I cope ok until there is some trigger point in this case it was fears about using essential oils as they can act as endocrine disruptors and I panicked as I have used Olbas Oil for years as a decongestant for my chronic rhinitis. One of the members posted a respose to this which helped me a lot. Then yesterday I had a triple whammy as not only did this Facebook page which had shrieked alarms about olbas oil tell me to err on the side of caution, but I got freaked out about the guy in the US who got lymphoma from using pestcides as I know it is in our food and everywhere. Then to crown it all I had notification that the bowel cancer screening is now going to be done for those age 50-60 and my first one is in 2019! I just went into meltdown as I got recalled on only my second mammogram so I am s*** scared history will repeat itself and I go through it all again. I have a fissure which bleeds (which my GP knows about) but I fear this might be picked up as a false positive or even that my coeliac might throw up something nasty. My husband says I am worrying over nothing and in a way he is right but it doesn’t help and I am now in the zone of falling into the despair pit by fearing I won’t ever reach retirement and know the joys of not having to work myself to the bone with no time for anything else, which is what I do now. Sorry for the lengthy unburdoning but just wanted to let out my fears…
Hello again Oldspice,
I don’t think you have any need to apologise for expressing your thoughts and worries. I hope you feel better for it.
I think one thing that may help - stop looking at those Facebook pages!!
Maybe think of it this way… It is brill if they are doing bowrl screening in England from age 50 now. This has been the case in Scotland and I always felt it was beneficial rather than a worry. I think their tests can be quite sophisticated with the type of blood picked up/blood found in samples is not necessarily obvious. If you are worried then contact the bowel screening helpline/nhs info service/your GP and they can give you more info. Also, in the end, it is up to you whether you take the test or not.
Not sure about lymphoma and pesticides - was tge person directly using them in their work rather than someone just eating food. Are you actually in the same circumstances as them? If it really worries you, you could try more organic produce. At least it is cheaper and more available now.
How long before retirement Oldspice? I bet you are a person who needs to keep busy anyway.
Take care abd hope you can put your current fears away somewhere. Have a lovely day ? X ?
Thanks again Chick. I live in Wales which is also bringing in the earlier screening but I will find out more about it from the organisation as to how having fissures or coeliac affects the tests. I have been ignoring FB pages since last week but this latest post was a late reply to my question last Saturday so quite out of the blue. Hopefully I won’t hear any more from them as I have ignored their comments. Regards retirement I am only 58 and I won’t get state pension until 67 as it stands now but that could change. I was looking forward to reducing my work hours at 60 with my Civil Service pension but it turns out I have to have 20 years reckonable service and by 60 I will only have 18. With my rubbish health track record I do wonder if I will ever get to that place. I try to eat healthy but I do enjoy a drink and indulgent food on weekends which maybe isn’t ideal but I believe in enjoying life not being like a trappist monk - it may give me a longer life but it wouldn’t be much fun…
PS - no I don’t work in agriculture or as a gardener I was just worried about eating food treated with pesticides and if it could cause cancer.
Hi Oldspice,
As Chick says, they look for ‘occult’ or hidden blood in bowel screening, not fresh bleeding from a fissure, so try not to worry.
The recent case in the US is related to ‘roundup’ the weed killer, I believe, not anything to do with food production. Apparently, the complainant worked as a groundsman, so had a lot of exposure to this weed killer.
Hope this helps & take care
ann x
Thanks Ann and Chick for your comments. You have helped a lot to calm some of my fears and I no longer feel like I am at the bottom of the pit. Hugs to you both xxx??
Hello Oldspice,
Thank you.
Sorry, I assumed that you were in England as I thought Wales already had the tests from age 50. That sounds like a very good idea to ignore the FB communications.
As Ann says, the pesticide case involves someone using and handling it on a very regular basis at his work. And as you acknowledge you are not in the same situation.
I am in the same boat as you. No state retirement pension until 67. Thankfully managed to access my works pension from 50 due to restructuring and cutbacks. For once, I seemed to be in the right place at the right time. Makes a change.
By the way, I have been using organic products where available for years. Not that it stopped BC, neither did an active, low alcohol, healthy weight, low red meat consumption life style. Such is the lottery of life!!
Mind you, I didn’t find pursuing a so called healthy lifestyle a chore and I really miss being able to do certain activities at the mo. And yes, I totally agree with you, we all need some indulgencies and mine are not up for negotiation either.
? All the best to you ? X
Hi Chick and thanks for your reply. TBH I have never gone all out on the healthy eating thing. I have a weakness for sweets but I do only eat steak or bacon now and then on weekends. I like a few drinks at the pub on Saturdays to relax after a week’s hard graft at work. However I do love fruit and veg so eat a lot of them during the week - in fact from Mon-Fri I am virtually veggy ? It is good that you are eligible to take your works pension soon. I thought I would be able to at 60 too but the goalposts have moved recently and I don’t have enough reckonable service. I have so many things I would like to do other than just work, eat, sleep repeat but it looks like I will have to brazen it out for now as I can’t afford not too…Best wishes to you x
Meh…all going down the shute again. Just had a huge ding-dong with my husband over work that needs doing in the house. TBH I do most of it but whenever I ask for help from him he goes into a mega strop like a little boy. Such was the case today and when I put the case forward that I want order and comfort in the house because of my condition he throws the old ‘well you’re cured now so don’t keep on about cancer’ That makes me sooooo MAD! Mainly as I have told him time and again I am not and am just 'free of ddisease.That was when it was game on and no matter what I tried to suggest so it suits both of us no compromise could be reached. I am now back down in the pit of despair as there are not enough hours in a day to do what I want and I feel so depressed as I can find no solution to make things better. No point in me going to see a counsellor as there are none in Barry where I live and it is a 2 year wait on the NHS ?
Dear OldSpice60
Join the band of women who just despair over husbands who just ‘don’t get it’. It’s either because they are scared of us being unwell, which I believe it is partly, or they don’t like the bl**ding obvious pointed out to them, that they SHOULD look at our situations and CHANGE their ways?
My theory is, that years and years ago, women suffered in silence, and it wasn’t the done thing to criticise the old man. Well the gloves for that came off a long time. I discovered many years back that if I dropped my guard - selectively of course, not with just anyone who care to listen - that most of my acquaintances were struggling with the men in their lives.
I’m 63, been in this second marriage for 25+ years ( I know, second marriage, duh !! ) and this old man sees every request to ‘change a bit’ equated with ’ being told what to do '. Yes he has had his own cancer issues for many years, and boy oh boy have I adapted to those years, that were then followed by his heart surgery.
Well if you think my BC diagnosed in March, surgery for WLE/axillary node clearance in May, followed by 15+5booster radiotherapy zapps has made the slightest difference to his life? Not a jot. In his head, he thinks he’s been a rock, hahahaha. In reality, he is the last person I would ever have depended on in a crisis. ( I am embracing being anonymously honest here! ). My older sister, my closest friends, past friends - I have lost count of how many of us have never experienced true warmth and empathy over situations in our lives.
If I read correctly, you are having to still work re: pension. Well embrace time for yourself whenever you need to - because YOU matter, and YOU count, and your old man is not your doctor to tell you how you are.
I walk a lot - I prefer to be out of the house rather than in it, lol ( husband still involved in family business at 65 BECAUSE HE CHOOSES TO BE ), and this house needs a zillion things done, beyond what I am capable of. He doesn’t want to do it. No excuses will ever be good enough. He doesn’t want to do it.
I go to the park, I talk to so many people I have met just by walking and feeding the ducks and squirrels, I sit in Starbucks with a book or do a crossword, I go in and out doing the shopping as I can’t carry heavy stuff on right side now - and yes, I regularly still try to talk to him, and every time I try, I wonder why I bother.
My biggest nightmare would be to be immobile!! I have 3 grown up kids, the youngest at 23 (our son) still lives at home, and I try to encourage him to move on, not just physically, away from here, because it is not a good environment for him.
I hope you can get some counselling if you feel it would do you good, it most likely will, especially if you don’t have anyone who you can really open up with? ( I have almost seen relief on peoples’ faces when I have mentioned something in my relationship, and they realise they are not alone in what goes in at home ).
I live in London, so I am very lucky in having good access to transport and places to go. Very lucky. London is way to busy and noisy and fast for some, but I have lived around this area all my life.
I have really prattled on, but I want you to know that you are so not alone in the husband/OH stakes - when I read of the lovely ladies on here with wonderful hubbies, I am so happy for them, it must be fab.
I’ll tell you something a bit funny. As I have got older, I will pretty much talk to anyone. Some years back, I was on a London bus going home with my shopping. In the side seats were a very elderly couple - and boy was he moaning on and on, and she was looking embarrassed and uncomfortable. From their interraction, it became clear that he had sat himself on some chewing gum, it was now stuck to his raincoat, and he was in full whinge. And she was quietly trying to appease him and say we can sort it when we get home. I intervened, and he didn’t like it one bit. I said to the wife " best thing is to put it in the freezer isn’t it, then it comes off much more easily " and she said yes,yes we can do that when we get home. And I looked straight at her, with him glaring at me out of the corner of my eye, and said to her " Don’t forget to take the coat off him first though ". She laughed, a lot, very quietly. He glared at me. My job was done.
Hugs aplenty, I’m sure you’ve fallen asleep by now xx
Hello Oldspice,
Sorry that you have hit a downer again. But oh goodness, I have just read Paulus’s reply and it tickled me ? I hope it brought a bit of relief to you as well.
I am with her about going out and just enjoying surroundings and places etc. when possible. However, I do not have another constant half getting under my feet and I am also somewhat restricted in movement at the mo!! The latter is preventing me getting on with any jobs at the moment ?
I hope it gave you some relief just expressing it in writing on here. Are the jobs that you want doing everyday type jobs or one off type? Basically, how important are they? Maybe make a list and prioritise them.
Is it possible to try and sit down again and negotiate responsibilities? Is it possible to sit down and both try and calmly talk about how different things are making you both feel?
You sound like you work hard outwith the home so it’s a bit of a shame if you are tying yourself down to domestics as well when you want to pursue more enjoyable things in your life.
Does your other half also work outwith home? Is there a reason why he considers that some jobs don’t need doing? Does he find it difficult to understand how even after treatment, you still need support? Perhaps you could give him a copy of the BCC Moving On Booklet to read. (You can download or get copy sent).
Also a shame if there are few accessible facilities in Barry. Do you have any Cancer Support Centres like Maggies or similar as they will have services there that you can access. Or if you contact Breast Cancer Care/Macmillam, they could pinpoint you to places. Apologies Oldspice if you have tried these avenues already as I don’t mean to sound patronising.
Wishing you all the best as always, X ?
Hi Paulus, thanks for your reply and don’t worry about it being too long, I really enjoyed reading it and it was lovely for someone to empathize and remind me I am not alone in this 
I agree with what you say and I often think men have had an empathy bypass or believe their issues are always worse than ours (one upmanship?) Yes I still work full time 4 years out from dx and I am still only 58 but not entitled to my work pension yet. I enjoy what I do but I HATE the commute (1 hour each way Barry to other side of Cardiff every day ?) I travel in by car with my husband as we work in same Government building but in different offices - thank God! Public transport is worse and takes longer (2 connecting buses or trains which is uber stressful). The department is due to move to a more central location which would be easier to get to but this won’t be for another 2-3 years. I can’t find work nearer my home as Barry is a deadbeat dorma town with no job opportunity (it’s 3 quarters unemployed or pensioners). TBH the out of work wasters who mooch about the town centre with apparently no stress or worries make me really angry when I struggle with my health but continue to work my socks off out of principle. For the pensioners I just feel mild envy in that I wish I could be even semi retired and have some free time like them to do hobbies or get out of the house. I love walking too and it is an activity both myself and husband enjoy. We go to the Brecon Beacons, Forest of Dean etc when we can but often don’t have opportunity (eg if weather on weekends is bad) If this happens I walk locally bu the same old routes get boring. I recently began going to a sewing school once a week which I really enjoy but it is frustrating I can’t go more often. Saying that my husband moans if I do too much on my own and says I am ‘bad’ to envy those with more free time (uh?) He can be a proper ‘martinet’ at times! Counseling would be good but there aren’t any private ones in Barry and travel elsewhere is awkward as I don’t drive. The NHS one has a 2 year wait - must be this place making people depressed ?I think all I can do right now is pray my ship comes in soon and grab any opportunity which presents. Hopefully I won’t have to wait too long! Sending you hugs x
Hi Chick! The jobs my husband and I argue about are ones in the home (repairs, decorating etc). We both work full time so don’t have any free time other than at weekends. My husband is 63 but can’t retire as he lost his works pension when his former workplace went bust in 2002. Unfortunately there are no proper cancer support places in Barry or Cardiff (a Maggie’s Centre is proposed but won’t open for another few years). I used to go to a local BC group but I stopped when the leader had a serious stroke 2 years ago. I was also using up too much flexi time off as it was held in work hours and I could no longer get credit for medical reason after a year. I will however take your advice and have a brainstorm this bank holiday weekend on tackling some of these issues with the hope of finding some workable solutions. Thank you and Paulus both for your kindness and support and sending hugs x
Hello again OldSpice!
I was just looking at the Macmillans Support stuff - if it is still current and not out of date it says there is a Breastfriends Cardiff and vale Breast Cancer Support Group that meets on 3rd Friday of each month (but not August - we could have guessed that! ) in Mary Lennox Room at Barry Hospital? Might be worth giving the Wales branch of MMillans a call anyway, in case things have moved on and there is opportunity for something else? Just a thought?
And there’s a depression support group in Barry? The Barry ‘SMILE’ group if that still exists?
You need some people who just say ’ you’re okay, I’m okay ’ and some feel good stuff, just to keep you on an even keel? Do you think?
Yes I do. Just having someone to chat to and get some moral support really has helped. The Smile Group folded a while ago and Breast Friends in Barry is the group I used to attend in 2015 but had to stop as the chairperson sadly had a stroke in 2016 and had to give up. The group still meets but only has about 4 members. I stopped going as medical appointment flexi credits from my employer finished 18 months ago. As both meetings take place in working hours it is no longer feasible for me to attend. I don’t want to seem like I am making excuses but the only way I can see things improving is if by some miracle I can find a cost effective way of reducing my working hours or land an unexpected windfall! Thanks anyway for looking into things for me, much appreciated x
SWADS support group in Cardiff, or is that too far to go? seems to have evening things - and people !! and Saturday morning things - with people !! Sorry if I am telling you what you already know, or have tried.
Not heard of this one so will find out and give it a go - cheers x
Just to update I had another plunge into depression yesterday triggered by someone dying from secondaries at only 37 and then seeing a fellow survivor’s post on FB showing their lovely cosy conservatory complete with fairy lights and leafy FB garden while I was shivering in a damp cold office. It just emphasized the long weary road I face to retirement at 67 when I am only 58 and whether I will even reach this milestone with my BC history. At times like this I start to wonder what is the pount in carrying on? I have looked into the groups Paullus suggested - Smile is still going but venue moved however it only meets in work hours so not possible for me to attend, and SWADS is held in Cardiff but you have to commit to joining before they will give any info on where they are based/what they do. However new groups have been set up in my workplace for people with cancer and autism which may be able to offer help and support so I am checking these out next week.