Well something I haven’t really shared is probs with partner who basically puts socializing before family. So tonight finally it’s over. On my own with three wee ones but it’s for best.
I have been suffering mental and physical abuse and had police involvement for some time now.
Anyway thoght I would explain why I may have come across as tho not coping with the cancer. I am in fact coping with a lot. Feel quite relieved but scared too facing this uncertain future on my Tod well sort of with my gorgeous babies x
Signet,
Sorry you haqve been having bad time in all sortsw of ways. Sorry to hear about your break-up too, but it sounds as if it might be for the best. I don’t have any children so can’t offer any advice about coping with cancer on your own with kids but I’m sure other members will come along who can.
Keep being strong but also be gentle with yourself.
Love Julie
Hi Signet
Well reading between the lines, l think a lot of people realised you were having to cope with the cancer by yourself, although you spoke of a partner! he was often out drinking or with friends, that is no way to support you and your children.
So good for you for putting you and your children first, i hope you have some good friends and family for support, and if not you sound a fighter, so well done!
Hugs to you and your lovely children
Sandra xxx
Hello Signet,
I’m so sorry to here about your problem.
I understand that it is another big thing to be worrying about, just when you need all of the support you can get. I hope that you have close family to help you through all of this terrible time your going through.
My daughter and SIL have just split up last week, a bit of a difference, but it is a great worry. They also have three small children, it’s so upsetting, so in a round about way I can see what your going through, all be it from another angle.
Thinking of you and your children at this time.
really feel for you. Went through a break up with the father of my 3 kids 5 years ago and sounds a little like yours. He was both emotionally and physically abusive and ended up with police involvement. Even after we split up he kept coming round and I had to take an harrassment order out on him. I went through a whole raft of emotions but now am so glad he is out of my life.
I wasn’t going through cancer at the time but when i was diagnosed had just starting living with a man who I believed was my soulmate. He said he would be there every step of the way and then walked out 3 days after 1st op !!!
My kids have been my saviours as have to get up each day to be there for them although I think mine are older than yours given the picture but all kids need their Mum’s !! Have also got some wonderful friends.
Feel free to rant anytime and if you want to pm me please do so.
Thanks all x I will be fine. The psychologist at the western tried to help and basically he lied thru his teeth again so that’s it. It was his chance to get help but he lied again. No surprise really x
Signet, so good to hear you sound more positive, I don’t think anyone needs a partner who is abusive and who only thinks of himself, you have enough to cope with without that - you can now concentrate on you and your lovely babies.
I divorced my son’s dad twenty years ago when my son was ten and brought him up on my own. It is scary at the time but its amazing what our kids can get us through.
What a courageous lady you are, splitting from a partner is a big step without having to deal with secondary BC and three young children as well. I hope that you have family and friends to rally round to help you and that your partner wasn’t one of those possessive sorts that has distanced you from your support network. I hope you get maintenance payments sorted out, if your partner can afford to go out socialising regualarly, he can afford to give you money to look after the children. How are children coping with the split?
Oh Lynn I am so sorry you’ve got this to deal with as well. It’s not easy at the best of times, & with the cancer as well…my heart goes out to you. Sounds as if this might actually bring you some relief though, it certainly seems as if things will be more peaceful for you without him. But still, the split will bring its own stresses & stuff to deal with, I guess he will be having access to the kids etc. And there will be practical/financial issues to cope with too. I hope you have people around to support you, & if I can help at all just say. Please pm me anytime, I’m well practised at this splitting up stuff, done it myself, & had it done to me.
well done for having the courage to get out of this terrible situation despite all the other things you are having to deal with. I have dealt with domestic violence at work and it only ever gets worse. You have made a brave and good solid decision for you and your children and should be very very proud of yourself, well done
Although I don’t have any children, I am in an abusive relationship, both physical and psychological. We are splitting up now and you can’t imagine how relieve I feel to think that criminal won’t be beside me any more. It has been a long and unhappy relationship and I wanted to end it when I was dx and shortly after dx but … you know, I am still so ashamed of recognising what I have been trough with him … that I have never told anybody about it till recently that I have contacted several organizations to help me with the accommodation and other issues. During my treatment he was absolutely rubbish. I remember dragging myself to the pharmacies to look for my steroids. How he detached himself from my treatment and how I refused to share any information about it with him and it was a journey on my own.
Now that I am dealing with this I have some of the feelings I experienced when I got cancer, the lost of control of the situation is quite strong. As I said I have always felt quite embarrass recognising this problem and I have tried to keep in in secret and I haven’t been able to do it. This has affected, like cancer did, to my performance at work and also to my assistance so my bosses have being informed and … once again I had to suffer judgemental attitudes like the once I felt I suffered when I got cancer (when people wanted to know if there was something running on my family if I was having risky habits, like smoking, drinking … , I mean, there is always an attempt to blame the victim).
But although my situation is easy with no children I have to say I feel very relieve, even when I think of recurrence, which is my biggest fear, I have now, a much more relax approach to it, I think I feel more confident now.
I don’t really now why we woman put up with all this crap from men. I have read so many post of woman complaining about the lack of support of their partners during treatment and this is what I would like to say:
We don’t need to understand their reasons, to justify their behaviour, they are not children and they need to do that themselves. We just need to care about ourselves, about our well-being and treatment, there is not justification for nor supporting your girlfriend, wife, partner fully and 1000% when they are facing cancer!
I too had no support from my husband through my breast cancer.
For 27 years I was on the receiving end of emotional abuse until I reached rock bottom and had to ask for help. My GP referred me to a counsellor who completely turned my life around.
Of course my husband is a bully and once I stood up to him he backed down. We now have a very distant relationship, I don’t tell him anything and so I don’t expect anything from him. Sad really but I’m much happier.
Don’t rule out counselling if you are still affected by the abusive treatment. Your GP can refer you.
Signet,
I really feel for you but you can do this! I got out of a very abusive relationship 5 years ago which left me to bring up 3 children on my own. I found a “lovely” man 2 years ago and was very happy until he walked out 7 weeks ago - apparently he found MY cancer treatment stressful!!!
Im now on my own again and actually feel very powerful and in control. We are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for - All the very best of luck for the future. Just keep telling yourself “I can do this!!”
know exactly where you are coming from. My wonderful new partner walked out 3 days after my first op !!
We can all get through this and to all of you going through it now it does get easier.
I remember the day I told the kids their Dad was leaving my eldest just said “well it’s about time” and my middle 1 was more concerned about whether we could keep the trampoline in the garden !!!
They are much happier with him gone. My eldest has no contact at all telling him “I didn’t speak to you when you lived here so why would I want to now you’ve gone” The younger 2 see him but my little girl keeps saying she doesn’t want to any more.
Keep smiling girls and remember no man is worth putting up with the abuse for. (Wish I had told myself that many years ago !!)