Hello, my name is Rani. My husband was diagonised with breast cancer 5 years ago. He had surgery , chemotherapy and radiotherapy. He was then put on tamoxifen . Early on this year he started to suffer with back problems which gradually got worse. Eventually, he had scans done that showed up cancer had spread to his bones. He was then put on morphine to control the pain in his back and has now had 5 rounds of chemotherapy. They are going to stick him on Arimidex after his sixth treatment. It has been a very difficult time for all of us. It is very hard to watch someone you love go through this. The children help to keep me sane and grounded, they are 6 and 9. I asked the doctor for a prognosis and he has said 2 to 5 yaers. I cannot imagine a world in which he does not exist but I find I am already thinking of the future without him and I feel very guilty !
Hi rani1,
So sorry to hear about your husbands seconday diagnosis.
My aunt was diagnosed with secondary BC in the bones 15yrs after original dx, she has been having bone strengthening drugs intravenously for q uite a while [sorry can’t remember name of drug but it begins with P] my aunt too was put on Arimidex…she hasn’t had chemotherapy so far.
It is obviously a very stressful and upsetting time for you all, it’s only natural after being given that prognosis you are trying to imagine a future without your husband and only natural that you feel guilty about doing so, but try to make the most of the time you have together people have been known to prove onc’s., wrong…I hope your husband is one of them.
karen
Rani I am sorry to hear your news - it is so hard especially when you have young children as well. I find it very difficult when doctors give a time limit to life like your husband’s doc has done. These days it is thought that bone secondaries are very treatable and more like a chronic condition. I hope that is right because I was dx with breast cancer 18 years ago and have had very extensive bone secondaries since 2002. I am treated with pamidronate (a bisphosphonate) which helps to control the pain and strengthen the bones, but because my cancer is not hormonal but HER2 positive I am on herceptin as well. I found that after about 3 treatments of pamidronate the pain eased and I was able to stop taking painkillers and have been relatively pain free all this time. Just recently I have had a flare up and am on morphine and having some radiotherapy to my spine and hip which should help with the pain. Will your husband be given a bisphosphonate drug as well? It is worth asking your doctor this question because this is normal. Also if the pain is particularly bad in any area he can have radiotherapy there as well. I hope he responds soon to treatment and you find you can get back to some sort of normality. I find that so long as I am careful and don’t overdo things life is quite manageable. Do you have a Macmillan nurse who can help you - they are a tremendous help with sorting out pain control and so many other things and will be good for you to talk to them as well. This is also something you can as your hospital to organise for you.
Do let us all know how things go for you - you will find a lot of support and help here. You may also like to post in the Secondaries Forum.
Dawn
xxx
Dear Rani
I am so sorry to hear your news, i think it is so hard for men when they get bc as there is very little support for them!, my son nicky had bc nearly 2 years ago and had spread to lymph nodes,he was only 24 and after mascectomy, lymph removal and chemo/radio was put straight on tomoxafen which he finds really hard as he has gained lots of weight and lost his confidence, and i worry all the time about spread.
My sister in law had bone mets 5 years after all clear from bc but lived for furthur 5 years having transfusions to coat the bones and it worked and she had very little pain.
I dont know what to say, i hate this awful disease and my heart breaks when i read these posts, i pray that you both get lots of support and that he gets to spend many years to come with you and your beautiful children.
Love and hugs
Irenexxx
Oh Rani!
What a very difficult time for you. You and your husband must be terribly worried. But as Karen said, oncs have been proved wrong before.
I was dx in 05 and it had already spread to the bones - spine, ribs, hips, sternum, left humerus. I was told 2 years was good lifespan. That was 3 years ago. At the time, I immediately sorted through underwear drawer and wardrobes, throwing out anything I didn’t want others to handle!! Now, I still drive, can walk unaided (have needed stick until recently), following 5 months chemo in 06 and 5 months in 07 can now go round the larger supermarkets which I couldn’t do before. Flew long-haul last year, and was dancing at my son’s wedding this year. So there IS life after dx!!
Having read all the wonderful and inspiring stories on here, I’m hopeful of a long and happy life. And I hope you and your husband will have the same as well.
We all know exactly what you and he must be feeling because we’ve all been there. Up until recently, I was obsessed with what music to have at my funeral!! Didn’t mention it to anyone except husband from time to time, but it was there in my head all the time. I rarely think about it now because it’s so far in the future and I just know I’ll keep changing my mind about it.
Any time you or hubby want to post here, there’ll be lots of support. Thinking of you.
Good luck to us all.
Maureen xx