started chemo jan 2021

hi folks

My name is Ruth and i started chemo at the christie hospital in mcr on the 13/01/21 i felt terrified

my oncologist has me stage 2  grade 2 with lymph nodes three affected tumour size 37cm 

but my surgeon has me grade 3 im er positive her 2 positive

Had three chemos one cancelled due to allergy to taxo so now on n taxol

ive got to have 15 more sessions of chemotherapy then surgery then radiotherapy then herceptiin

Im a nurse and im scared really scared ive lost two stone with stress 

can i ask do people thimk 3.7 cm is big and can chemo clear the lymph nodes i have bupa cover which has been its weight in gold

westie ruth

Hi @WestieRuth   - so sorry you are feeling so bad, I’m a nurse too and it can be unhelpful to have some knowledge, can’t it? Just in terms of the size, I think that my tumour was 3.5cm, so a similar size. My treatment is different from yours, I had surgery first and am now having chemo. The surgeon said that they got all the tumour out (I also had a DCIS, so had a total mastectomy) with good tumour margins. They didn’t seem to think that mine was particularly big. It is Her 2 positive  which obviously means it is more aggressive. Presumably the plan is for the chemo you are currently having to shrink the tumour anyway? It’s an awful cliche I know, but the only way I have found to manage the anxiety of all this is to take it in very small chunks, otherwise it becomes too overwhelming. The other thing I found helpful was to write down (quickly, without considering it too much) what I was frightened of. I discovered that much of that was to do with my own ‘performance’ as a patient. You may not find this, but I seem to have this sense that, because I am a nurse, I need to be some kind of star patient. Daft of course, as most of us know that being  in the profession usually makes folk worse patients…

Anyway, do look around the forums, you will probably find someone in a similar position to you. I think you’ve posted elsewhere, haven’t you. Hope you find some helpful support. You are at one of the best cancer hospitals in the country. All the best