Cathie-The positive points thing sounds good. I’ve been keeping a wee record of how I feel each day-side effects and also what I’ve achieved e.g put tree up,walked daughter to school etc. It really helps keep track of all the things you can do through chemo.
@Maire So glad you’re finding it physically bearable - partly from the selfish reason that I am having my first FEC on tuesday and my anxiety levels are starting to go through the roof! Still thinking longingly of that plane to Goa i have been threatening t oget on for the last 3 months…
I agree with you that the mental side is the hardest - there’s so much fear and anger and despair richocheting around your mind all the time. I keep thinking I’ve got to a place where I’ve really calmed down, and have acceptedthe whole thing, and am on top of it, and then some little thing happens and whoosh!, I’m in pieces again.
Re the isolation and fear of infection thing, it’s been stressed to me repeatedly that infections are potentially lethal, and it does seem vital to stay at home as much as poss during days 7-14 of the cycle. I spoke to a woman who’s already had chemo last week, and she said she hadn’t really taken the risk of infection seriously, and had ended up in hsopital for 3 weeks - that put the fear of God into me…
@Teal Big Hug and welcome - it’s horrible, isn’t it? I was like you, convinced for ages that it was all a big mistake and would go away - I think you go slightly bonkers after the diagnosis, actually. I certainly did. I was more or less demented for a really long time (I was diagnosed in September, op at beginning of October), and it’s only very recently that I’ve managed a) finally to accept that I REALLY HAVE got cancer, and that it’s not going to go away of is own accord and b) stop feeling just physically and mentally BATTERED.
But one of the few cheering things in the whole situation is this forum, which has so much information and support - it is an absolute lifeline. And it’s great having this thread where we are all going to be going through chemo TOGETHER. And in a year’s time, as you say, we’ll be able to look back on all this horribleness as a rapidly fading memory (touch wood)
@cathie I’m on Tuesday, so 2 days ahead of you - think of me as the canary going ahead of you down the mine! I got my PICC line on Friday, so have been getting used to the s***ing thing over the last 2 days - one thing, don’t be alarmed if it bleeds a bit once you get home from the hospital. Mine did, and I noticed when I was going to bed and completely FREAKED -
Aaargh! The vein is open! I am going to bleed to death before the cancer gets me!
- but then I googled it and found that a bit of bleeding into the dressing around the point of insertion is entirely normal, and nothing to worry about!
@Cybele I’m told my next cycle of chemo will be on Mon 31st December and bloods again done on the Friday. The nurse said they could repeat the bloods from the Friday if there was any doubt, via the cannula used to administer the chemo, but then if they weren’t good I’d have had a cannula inserted and not used and have to come back again - this sounds like it could be painful on the old veins. Have an appointment to see Oncologist on 27th too so I’ll check if either the day can be changed to a Tuesday, or I can have bloods done on same day, earlier perhaps.
Thank you so much It is hard isnt it and I think talking to other people who have or who are going through the same thing is good. Though I still feel that ok I may have had the BC but not anymore my surgeon told me he took it all out and the chemo is only in case there are any stray cancel cells in my body. I know I probably sound crazy but all this has been such a shock I dont know if I will ever get used to the idea that I had BC.
xxxxx
Morning crackers ladies,
Welcome Teal - we all recognise your feeling of being trapped in a nightmare. I still keep thinking that someone will tell me it was all a horrible mistake and I don’t have cancer. I wouldn’t even sue them, I’d be too busy booking holidays.
Lisalou - I had cold cap the first time - read back through this thread (I can’t believe how long it is already). It worked for me but they have to get it tight on your head and they often tell you it won’t work cos it is more work for them and takes longer. As for the day you start - just tell them about the birthday - they will book you in the day after - one day is nothing. You need to enjoy birthdays if you can.
Maire - I know what you mean about infection phobia. I am terrified of getting an infection mainly cos I hate hospitals so much and do not want to ba an inpatient. My husband is obsessive about anyone coming near me coughing or sneezing. We will be in the supermarket or somewhere and he will suddenly grab me and drag me away just as I am about to put my hand on something delicous, because he has seen someone nearby who “looks a bit rough”. Avoiding rough looking people where we live is a challange…
On non cancer subjects - really enjoyed my mini christmas weekend, although the winter wonderland was no good as way too crowded on a saturday. They had to shut it for health and safety reasons. But the south bank had a christmas market and a chocolate festival. I am absolutly knackered as a result of trying to cram everything in before the chemo fairy gets me. Chilling out today before going out for an early xmas curry with my former work mates tonight.
Good luck to everyone havng chemo this week - as least christmas will be week 3 for us. Don’t forget your tinsel.
xxx
Oh Cressida, the image of your husband pulling you away from rough looking people really made me laugh-that’s made my day!
I was at mass on Sunday and the man behind me was coughing and sneezing all the way through then the woman on my left stuck a sinus thing up her nose and later blew her nose into a snotty hanky. I just kept thinking “I have to shake these peoples’ hands at the ‘peace be with you’”. Not the right frame of mind to be in at church!
Hello Teal, sorry that you have had to join this group, however I’m sure you will find that the ladies here are very supportive and many including myself can relate with exactly how you are feeling. I also have 3 daughters, mine are aged 13, 11 and 7 so quite similar. I also have difficulty telling people what’s wrong with me and tend to whisper the words ‘breat cancer’ as though its a dirty word you musn’t say!!!
Maire, I think I will be exactly the same when I start chemo with regards to contact with people who may make me ill< must be so difficult not to overreact. Glad to hear you are doing well though xx
Well my morning has been a bit up and down. I had a lumpectomy and axillary node clearance 5 weeks ago and although I dont get official results from consultant until Friday I found out today in a phone call to my nurse that there was clear margin and only 1 lymph node affected, which really pleased me as I was becoming anxious as the results were getting nearer. Also there has been a cancellation and they may be able to give me an appointment this Wedneday with the oncologist instead of 31st December, but I may not know for definite until Wednesday morning!!!
Then I went to the hospital for my first physiotherapy appointment in good spirits and confident that they would say I wouldnt need to go back a I’m doing so well (wishful thinking). After asking how I was doing I proceeded to wave my arm about like a lunatic to show her how much movement I had. Well the disappointed look on her face told me all I needed and if I hadn’t already got the message the shaking of her head made sure I knew. She told me she was very concerned that I am unable to straighten my arm or lift it above my head and keep it dead straight. Whilst she was massaging my arm I was told I also have cording and the wound area is very tight, let me tell you the massaging and her stretching it bl**dy hurt. She made me do several exercises and pointed out each time what I was doing wrong and gave me an extra two exercises to do alongside the usual nine three times a day and told me to get someone to massage my arm twice a day, which is a bit impossible as I am a single parent and don’t fancy asking one of my girls to do it for me as it hurts me and that will put them off.
I was also told that I should not be doing housework as this will make it worse. I like this bit of advice 
.
I understand all of this is to help my recovery and I will take it all on board and follow it through, I was just a bit disappointed that I wasn’t doing a well as I thought and that contrary to my own belief, I am not Superwoman!!
Good luck to all those having chemo this week xxxxxx
Hi Christmas crackers!
Looks like I will be joining you lovely ladies- was diagnosed with triple negative BC in November and have spent the last 3-4 weeks trying to grow some eggs so I can have some embryos frozen. Had a scan today and they think there are 10-12 in each ovary! So looks like I will have the egg collection this Friday and then start chemo on the 19th -a lovely Xmas pressie! Think I am in denial at the moment have been so focused on having some embryos stored ( had just started trying when this all began!) that I haven’t really had time to think about chemo- although it is all starting to become very real! it’s good to know that I’m not alone and it is reassuring reading the posts- although I have to admit I have become paranoid about infections and have started to shut myself away already! Will keep you updated!
Xxx
Welcome Superchick,
You will get loads of suppport here and, hopefully, a laugh too. I have 2 days before I have to go back to the chemo suite (why do they call it that - it’s not exactly the best room in a luxery hotel) so I am off to do some non cancer stuff. I am sure the other crackers will welcome you soon,
Cress, xxx
Hi Ladies, I was admitted into hospital yesterday. I had fluid around my new reconstructed breast and under my arm. I had it asperated this morning. The pain is less now and my consultand strictly advised me to have a duvet day. Which is really hard as i like to be on the go.
I feel physically exausted and had a good cry yesterday.
Bless you that is not good but hopefully you are sorted now
hugs
wendy
Hi Wendy, thank you. Im at home now and well and truly on the settee and under a duvet. I was given tramadol - and now get the side effects.
But on ward and up wards on this journey. I am trying to keep my chin up.
hi caroline60 & all the christmas crackers,
so sorry to hear you had to go to hospital hope you are feeling a bit better today, it does you goot to have a good cry sometimes, i was a bit down yesterday for a different reason, feel a bit of a baby really as i had really long hair and my hairdresser came round yesterday and cut it quite short, but had to wash it first so it was a horrible thought it would be the last time for a long time i will have to spend about half an hour trying to get all the conditioner out of my long locks, but she done a great job and i look like a different person, thay all loved it at work, think it will take me a bit longer to get used to it, going to try the cold cap, hope i get on with it,
Going to hosiptal tomorrow to have a Echocardiogram, i take it that means a ECG, didnt even know i had to have one so that was a bit of a shock, still wating to have an appointment for my picc line to be put in, all this waiting around is doing my head in, just want to get strarted.
well thats enough about me, hope you are all baring up and wish you all the best, what ever stage you are at.
Caroline, sorry to hear this. Make sure you rest now as much as possible and I hope you are over the worst of it very soon xx
Welcome Supachick and good luck with the embryo freezing xx
Hi Lolly, you’ve been very brave. If I am definitely having chemo I will get my hair cut short beforehand too but am very scared of what it will look like as I am mixed race and have been chemically straightening my hair since I was 13 years old, which means it doesn’t do well in damp or wet conditions so I will probably end up with a lovely short curly afro!!! Not a good look lol xx
hi just a quick note, just had a call from the bcc unit and i have my ist date for chemo which wil be on the 31st december, had a bit of a melt down as was expecting to start next week, as i was lead to beleive, but i was told tonight that i am a non urgent case which made me feel so un important, but i then put it in pospective and thought there must be worse cases out there than me, and are in need of treatment urgently, goint to find out tomorrow when picc line is to go in as she thinks that will be done before x mas.
sorry to go on but needed to share x
lolly
x
Butterfly, you look like you would suit any hair style looking at your photo, such a lovely picture, i didnt feel brave at the time i cryed like a baby, but i loved my hair it was my best point, never mind all my work colleges says i look younger 
so there the good point of getting my hair cut short.
Hi Lolly
Just so you know an echo is where they will put cold jelly on your chest- to do an ultrasound of your heart, it takes about 20-30 mins compared to the ECG which is lots of stickers all over your chest- its quite normal before chemo-I’m a cardiac physiologist so do them all day- well until all this rubbish started!! Hope all goes well. Know how you feel the plan is for me to start on the 19th and just want to start so at least I will know how to feel/ what to expect!
thanks supachick, was wondering what to expect, it thought it was the sticker one, so thanks for the info.
good luck for the 19th, its not good just before christmas, but wish it was me as christmas this year seems to be the last thing on my list, can’t even to be bothered to write cards out this year, my husband is the same, this is such a strange time of the year to try and get motivated and not be all doom and gloom. hope it all goes well, are you going to try the cold cap?
Christmas is definitely going to be different this year! My husband has said if we need to move it a couple if days until I feel better so be it- he has even offered to cook Christmas dinner! To be honest I think I will give the cold cap a miss and just embrase the baldness! I think I will be more disappointed if I get my hopes up of keeping my hair with the cold cap and it doesn’t work rather than accepting I will loose it from the start. Not sure if to get a wig or not I can see two sides one it will allow me to go to tescos without everyone knowing I’m having chemo and will allow a sense of normality, bit I’m yet to find one I like!! What have you find best work for you?
xx
Hi everyone I saw my nurse today who happens to be friends with my parents, I took them along and she explained everything that I did not want to hear last week now I understand what type of cancer I have and treatment etc, had my ECG and blood taken and am hoping (though that is the wrong word but you know what I mean) to have my first chemo treatment next week, I just want to tick that one off the list then 5 more to go. I feel better today. I am not going to have the cold cap treament as it is not 100% and i want the chemo to zap every cell in my body, plus when they put it on my head last week to try it out it was so cold I dont think I can put myself through that as well - I am a complete whimp!!! I even make a fuss when I have blood taken, so god knows what I will be like when they put the chemo in. My husband has bought me an ipod so I can listen to some music while having treatment. Told my girls they can have that after I have finished with it. this made them very happy. Am going to take them along when I try wigs on, trying to get them involved they will like that, told them that they can have the wig when I have finished with it to dress up in. Lets hope my dog does not get it first like she did with the halloween wigs!!!