Hi,
I received my diagnosis yesterday that I do have BC. They have advised as I am young (36) that I have chemo first to shrink the lump, so that surgery will perhaps not be so invasive.
I will be meeting with the oncologist next week to start the process. This seems insane. It’s only been 10 days and my whole world has flipped on it’s head.
Has anyone is a similar situation got any advice?
Also, I am finding it very hard to tell my friends, any tips?
Thanks girls x
Hi JosieJo
Sorry to find you here. As you were only told yesterday it’s still trying to sink in for you which is why you’re finding it difficult to tell friends. I was in shock first time around but found it get easier to tell people the more you talk about it ( as it starts to get straight in your own head) so don’t give up telling those you need to tell as it will help you too.
We’re all here to help you with your journey & the helpline is excellent for some one to one chats & advice. The posts here even find some humour in our darkest hours!
Hugs to you
Twinky x
Hi JosieJo75
Im so sorry to hear your news and i wish you all the very best on your journey.
My MIL told us this week that she has secondary breast cancer so from a close family members point of view the only real advise i can give you on telling people is that whilst it is extremly hard for you to get your own head around and ultimatly you are the most important person in the situation i am finding that honesty is what i need to help me understand what this all means and what the future holds in order to be of support to her.
And what i mean by honesty is talk about feelings, fears worries etc and always tell them what your consultants say even if its not what anyone wants to hear. Since finding out my MIL news i have been on the internet making my own assumptions which is terrifying as every case is different so actually talking to her and getting real facts about her case only has helped me.
I do wish you all the very best
Lou xx
Hi JosieJo
I’m sure others will be along soon to share their experiences of telling friends and family.
In the meantime, I thought you might like to consider picking up one of our Resource Packs. It’s fFilled with information to help you understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. Here’s the link to the page where it can be ordered:
Best wishes
Louise
Facilitator
Hello JosieJo,
Sorry you’ve had to join the club that nobody wants to be a member of, but you’ll find loads of good information and great support here. And once you have your treatment plan sorted and it all gets underway, things will become easier to cope with.
I was 31 at diagnosis 9 years ago and my advice would be to take it one step at a time and keep breathing. Focus on each individual treatment as you go through them, rather than thinking about your treatment plan as a whole. Then you can celebrate as you complete each stage.
As for telling people, could you ask one of your more trusted friends who already knows to let others know what you’re going through? That’s what I did when I was first diagnosed and I found it really helped take the pressure off a bit, as I just wanted to break down every time I had to put it into words.
Take care and take time to get your head around this news. Hugs, Angelfalls xx
Hi JosieJo,
So sorry to hear of your diagnosis.
I am 37 and was diagnosed with IDC 1.3cm + at least one positive node in January. It felt like my world had caved in…I was planning my funeral and even looking for someone to be stepmother to my three little girls.
But…
I’m now 4 weeks into chemo (I, too, am having my chemo first), and I’m feeling so much more positive about everything. It does take some time to get your head round this crazy shock, but once you start treatment and get to know the team of medical professionals and you will begin to feel more in control of what’s happening.
Regarding telling people…well, that’s so hard, isn’t it. I found that every time I told someone new I cried again. Seeing their shock and sadness made me relive my own shock and sadness over and over. But I knew we were going to need a lot of help (my kids are 3, 5, 7 and 18 and we have no family nearby), so I knew I had to be open about what was going on.
I wrote a long status on Facebook, saying what I’d been diagnosed with and briefly summarising the treatment plan. That way I told most of my friends and family without having to do it face to face over and over. I also wrote an email about what was going on and it was sent to all the parents in my daughters’ classes at school. Personally, I wanted to eradicate the potential for speculation and gossip by just being open about it.
I have found that people are amazing - we have had so many offers of help and support, and the huge outpouring of love sustained me through those very difficult first few weeks. I had so many people wanting to do something useful that I ended up making up a list of things that people could do or buy or make - whattogive.com is a great way of organising a list like this. Friends sent dvds and colouring books etc for the girls, organic hand and body cream, hats, books, and all sorts of things to help me get through treatment…even a water filter! The other parents in my daughters’ classes have drawn up a food and playdate rota to help us during my ‘bad’ weeks. People are so keen to help, and it truly DOES help! So don’t be shy about asking for what you need.
I’m sorry to go on so much, but none of us should feel we have to go through this alone. I’m not one to normally ask for or easily accept help, but these are extraordinary circumstances. If you do decide to be open about what you’re going through, I have no doubt you will find yourself being taken good care of.
Love and strength,
Carrie x
Hi Josie,
I was in exactly the same situation as you. It all moved super quick for me too. I too was 36 when diagnosed and they are giving me chemo first.
I have a grade 2 invasice ductal carcinoma which is 5 cm by 4cm. I had a sentinel node biopsy and it has spread there too.
I had my first juicing (chemo) last Friday.
How do you tell people - thats a toughie. as when i have tried face to face i seemed to inexplicably burst in to tears!
I did the same as Carrie re: Facebook and did it as a status update, lots of people in one go.
I also told some work colleagues over e-mail (so as to explain my absence and for them not to second guess where i was).
For me thats worked…
I have to say some people will surprise you. YOu will get support from the unlikeliest of places. I know i have.
I know right now your world probably feels like its been turned upside down. But we are here to listen and hold your and on the journey. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. I’m more than happy to share.
Rae
x
Hi JosieJo,
I had WLE first and am starting my chemo at the end of April, but wanted to share my experiences of telling people.
I told one of my closest friends right after I was diagnosed, and asked her to tell our mutual friends - now I don’t think this was such a good idea. I should have told everyone myself from the start, as now it’s a bit hard to have a serious discussion with any of our mutual friends, it always seems as though it should have been reported through the first friend I told. It also would have stopped any misinformation.
I rang friends I’ve known for a long time but who aren’t necessarily people I see regularly. I was absolutely bowled over by their support. Other people I told, I tried to tell face to face and, again, everyone was really supportive. I told one person in a text message, which was fine - and it actually meant that when I saw him next, things were easier because we’d already discussed the salient points about my diagnosis.
The people I’ve really struggled to tell are male friends - even if I’ve known them for ages, I’m mired in body image and fertility etc. Also I’ve struggled with telling people in the periphery of my life, and haven’t worked out when/how/if I’m going to say anything to them.
But - this is my most important point - NO ONE has said anything weird, or inappropriate, no one has made me feel mad, sad or bad, and I have had all sorts of offers of support - and I feel a lot less alone as a result.
I like Carrie and Rae’s Facebook idea. It’s not really appropriate for me because I have 150 friends on mine and can’t imagine anything worse than them all knowing my business! If you do choose it, is there any chance it might appear on random people’s news feeds? You know, when “friends in common” all post on one status, the third party sometimes sees that status? That might not bother you, though. An email might solve that problem.
Lots and lots of hugs,
Livia xxx
Thank you so much for all of your lovely messages.
It’s been a whirlwind couple of weeks and there is so much to take in. The plan has now changed as the consultant I saw first had not taken fertility issues in to consideration. (DUR)
I shall now be having a WLE on the 11th and my boyfriend and I are meeting the fertility guy on Monday. I am feeling better about the plan to operate first as it gives us time to see about putting some eggs or a mini us on ice. Do any of you without kids have any experience of this process? It’s all so daunting.
I have managed to tell everyone now I think, I told close friends by phone, e-mailed some others and asked others to pass the news on. I am lucky to have so many lovely friends, but it means updating lots of people all the time, which is so tiring, especially as the plans seem to change daily.
Thank you all for taking the time to write. Xxx
Hi josie,
I was the same and have been through the fertility treatment before starting chemo and now have embryos frozen. I don’t have children yet, my bf and I were trying when I got diagnosed. If you have anu questions feel free to send me a message. I am more than happy to share my experience of it all with you.
Rae. X
Josie, you could check out the website caringbridge.com. You can have your own page where you put info and updates about your treatment etc and then can give anyone who might want to keep updated the address, and they can follow your progress. I started a blog (the address is in my bio if you’re interested in reading it). I tend to share a lot via FB, but I try to stay quite positive there, whereas I feel like the blog is ‘my’ space where I can say whatever I’m thinking. It’s kind of therapeutic, too. 
It sounds like you’re doing really well and great that you’ve managed to buy some time to save eggs before starting chemo. I did the opposite (my family is complete)…I opted to have chemo first partly bc we had lots of DIY projects I wanted to complete before having a node clearance. lol Sometimes I think cancer makes you a little crazy. lol
Wishing you all the best with your op and further treatment. Good luck to Livia, too, for starting chemo. I have my third next Thurs and have to say that so far it hasn’t been too bad at all. I managed a 4 mile Dartmoor hike yesterday and a night out at a gig last night.
Carrie x
Hi Carrie.
Thank you so much for the advice. I am just about to read your blog, the name already made me do a giggle.
I already find myself amazed at the strength of the ladies on here. I too have surprised myself with how well I have taken the news. Cancer is what people are most afraid of. I would have thought that I would crumble, and hide under my duvet crying. but I have been trying to make the most of the time that I am well, before ops and treatments start.
I agree that it makes you a little crazy. My Bf and I are moving in together this month and one of my best friends is getting married. I seem to be more pre occupied with sorting these things out rather than dwelling on the hostile takeover (as I have now named it) of the left boob. It is happening at a most inconvenient time!
Hope you are feeling well after your hike (crazy 
xxx
Hey Carrie,
Well done on the hike and the gig!
Love the blog by the way.
Rae
x
Thank you, Rae, that’s really kind.
Josie, that’s the attitude I’ve taken - make the most of every day I feel ok. And I’m sure it’s great for you psychologically to focus on happy things like moving in with you BF and friends’ weddings. Love the phrase ‘hostile takeover’! lol Sometimes I call mine the ‘evil twin’. So good to laugh when we can.
I do hope you find a way to get your fertility treatment. I won’t insult you by saying ‘I know how you feel’, but even though I’ve been blessed with 4 children and we had decided our family is complete, I have had a few cries over the probable loss of my fertility - several friends have announced preganancies since I’ve been diagnosed. For me I guess it’s just another aspect of my life where my choice has been taken away. I will say that the feeling of having been lucky enough to already be a mother before BC came along is balanced by mortal terror of leaving them motherless. My girls are only 3, 5 and 7, and not a day passes when I don’t wonder if I will still be around to help them through their first periods, first dates, going off to uni, getting married and having their own babies. Some days I think if I had known this was coming I wouldn’t have had children. I guess it doesn’t matter what our situation is, we feel tortured by the unknown. But don’t give up hope. I think that’s the one thing we must keep hold of.
Sending you so much love and good wishes,
Carrie x