Well bloods now 0.35 so going in right direction…will leave or commit murder tomorrow! Am going down with cold now …I never get colds and reason I think is all the bloomin sneezin nurses plus the flaming central heating and air conditioning system. Of course they all deny responsibility…
On the night I arrived fat slob came and accosted me for obs at 3am and jabbed me in stomach with something…he didn’t ask and didn’t tell me what it was and half asleep i just grumbled impolitely at him…
Well tonight in comes a nurse and says 'just coming to give you an injection…me and hubby look at each other and ask ‘why’ …‘Oh because people with active cancer are at risk of blood clots’…ok right… so I say ‘Well having been operated on to remove active cancer I do not consider myself to have it so NO I do not want your injection og anticoagulant thanks!’…‘Oh but thats why you are having chemo’ she witters …NO I firmly say ‘I am having chemo as a belt and braces approach to make sure every last cell has not got it’
Oh…she says ‘but its the hospitals policy that everyone here gets a jab in case you sue us’
I firmly told her that I was responsible for MY health and was not having the bluddy jab!
She said that it was my choice…and in my position she probably would pass on it too!
What the hell is going on when nurses can jab you without your permission when half asleep at 3am.
If I have had my tumour and nodes removed and scanned clear I consider that I am as far as can be certain cancer free and the rest of the treatment is to deter it from making a reappearance…
Funniest thing to happen today was Polish nursing assistant came to weigh and measure me…but did not have enough English to tell me why…as I was weighed and measured 2 weeks ago can only assume they think adults can grow or shrink several inches …!!!
Regarding the positive thinking bit…positive thinking is good for morale and mental health. Its also good for our close family as it keeps their fears at bay…dont think the cancer cells care one iota if we are positive or negative…so we can be as positive or negative as we like…outcome will stay the same but we are happier and saner…just my opinion…and my opinions do tend to be… f##k the bloody thing, get on and live your one and precious life who knows what happens tomorrow, its today that counts!
Hi milkykins, I changed my FEC3 from last week to tomorrow so I could have a reasonable new year. They were fine about it as they were all backed up with appointments due to the two bank holidays, last monday and today so were actually pleased I was ‘unblocking’ them. I’m sure yours will let you change, a few days here or there doesn’t seem to make any difference (my onc says anyway)
Having said that, not looking forward to tomorrow! Veins still sore from last time
xxxxxxx
Millykins - quite sure they’ll move your chemo so you can go to the wedding - that’s a ‘big’ thing to request ‘time off’ for! I’ve got to ask my onc. about moving exactly the same one (TAX2) as that Friday is Working breeds day at Crufts <grin>. Well, I spent a lot of time and money through the summer campaigning our youngest dobermann to qualify him to be shown at Crufts… (actually, he was fab and qualified at his very first show, but what can I say… I just love the days out with the dogs and no kids…shhhhh)… so I’d really, really like to show him that day - and as it’s at the end of the cycle, I should be feeling up to it! OH has never been to Crufts, and has offered to take day off work to do the driving, and I know plenty of people who’d take Pikey in the ring for me if I wasn’t really up to it… so it’s got to be worth asking, hasn’t it!!! Closing date for entries is on Friday, so I’ll ask onc. on Thursday… fingers crossed!!! Also, it’s an opportunity to catch up with lots of people I haven’t seen since dx, as I haven’t shown either dog since then… :(</grin>
LIF - it gets worse! I can’t believe it. Perhaps when ‘fat slob’ comes on tonight ask about how you can get hold of a complaints form or who you would need to address a letter to? That might make him realise that he can’t just treat you that way. I had Heparin out of routine when I was in for surgery to prevent clots due to immobility but was up the next day and went home later the same day, so I was hardly immobile for long. As it was, it delayed my recovery a bit really because I developed a haematoma under the wound and ended up having to go back to theatre!
Hope your bloods continue to improve so you can escape
Angie x
LIF - good for you for stnading your ground with theminjection - wish I could have been a fly on the wall! You are so right with the positive thinking/or not thing - we just need to get on with our life.
On the subject of comments that hurt… grrr. I have one really good friend who is very upfront and northern in her approach, love her, and I can always rely on her to make me laugh and say oh f*** it, just get on. We def. need people like that in our lives. Her mum had bc forty years ago… had left breast removed, no other treatment, and went on to have and breastfeed three children, all on remaining boob. Great to hear, of course, but sometimes…
Another mutual (and slightly older) friend of ours has just been dx with lung, liver and spinal cancer… so prognosis v. poor. She starts chemo on Friday, and is an absolute trooper - determined to fight on. However, first friend floored me by commenting ‘that’s the great thing about breast cancer, you just lose a boob and get on with it’. Now, I know she’s only being her pragmatic, yorkshire self - and she does have a point in that my bc is at a far less serious/terminal state than our mutual friend is at… but it was SO hurtful. It was like what we are all going through is trivial and easy… and that is SO not true. I know in my head and heart, really, that she’d be appalled if she thought she’d upset me, but it really did floor me for a while. I’m seeing her on Wednesday when she brings her new baby boy down to meet me, and I know it will all be fine - but it does tend to put me on guard with ANYONE now - and question myself as to whether it’s really just me over-reacting?
LiF - good for you for standing your ground - I’m quite sure they’ll be throwing you off the ward as fast as they possibly can <grin>. Could you find something sharp to hide under your pillow, so if fat slob nurse stabs you in middle of night, you can stab him back? You can claim self defence cos the b***ard never told you what he was doing…</grin>
D’ooooooooooh
Just realised it’s Milly - kins, not as I’ve been merrily calling you Milky-kins!!! Apologies!!! You must of course think I’m a complete retard…not completely wrong in this case
I’ll write it out 100 times…millykins, millykins, millykins…
Just call me Floozy or Woozy, you won’t be the first!
xxx
Suzy - you’re all right cos my brain is so addled I hadn’t even noticed so you could have gotten away with it he he
LiF - what always amazes me (or not) about hospital is that they do all these obs when you are in like it’s life & death to wake you to have your BP checked at 6am then once you are out that’s it - you just get left pretty much without a bye or leave
& don’t get me wrong - I totally agree that being positive is helpful for your mental wellbeing & also for how you deal with the treatment & getting on with your life - It’s just that as you say - it doesn’t make ANY difference to the bloody cancer cells - & I think people think it really does - well maybe I am wrong but I just don’t believe that so it’s hard - but hey we’ve had that conversation.
I got described as “inspirational” by an aquaintance on facebook cos I posted my hair cutting & I got all moody about it cos that’s not what I intended or wanted anyone to say - I did it so people wouldn’t be shocked if they then saw me in the flesh but then OH said - But really you are a bit cos at least you had the guts to do that & aren’t hiding away - so it all gets a bit confusing whether to accept people’s comments in the spirit in which they are meant which is usually to try to make you feel better. I sometimes think I am being a bit too precious & should just smile & say thankyou.
I agree that we still do hide the awfulness of this from most people & all many see is a smile & a getting on with it face when sometimes we are in pieces but only the very closest people see that (& the rest of us of course - cos we know the truth)
OK, so I’m as daft as Suzy. I got Millykins name right but read “my friend’s wedding is the day after TAX 2 (no 5) so am going to ask to move it” as she was going to ask to move the friend’s wedding. I was imagining the friend ringing caterers, venue, vicar etc ;0). It could start a new trend - Sophie could get Crufts moved, I could get my husband’s birthday moved.
Thanks for all your thoughts re my friend’s comments. I know you’re right and she didn’t mean to be hurtful. I’m not bothered by it any more - the upset was either taken away by your sympathy or gaining some perspective - either way, thank you all. I did read on another thread about scientists having identified a gene which prevents chemo working - which suggests it is partly luck whether you have this gene or not.
Sorry to hear about your friends Sophie - both the one who has the lung, liver and spinal cancer and the one who didn’t realise you were going through more than just losing a boob. For me, chemo and all it entails is a lot worse than losing a boob. I still hope to get a reconstruction, once they’ve finished giving me chemo and rads. I’m hoping it won’t have to wait until after the herceptin as that goes on for another 12 months.
LiF, we’re all willing that blood number to reach 1 so you can get out of that germ-ridden greenhouse full of staff that want to fill you full of drugs and test you every couple of hours.
Morning:-)
*whispering* might be feeling better
Sophie- we r at crufts on the Saturday:-/ not showing just watching:-) (andshopping:-))))
Jo- hope you get the wedding thing sorted:-)
Have lost my brave face:-( Positive mental attitude seems to have gone too:-(((
Kerry xxx
((Hugs)) Kerry. Did the self-pity bit before sleep last night and the usual couple of hours awake in the middle of the night that heralds needles day. Would usually be FECing by now but due to my consultant not doing my prescription before going away and the Bank holiday awaiting the arrival of the courier so can have treatment this pm. My onc nurse phoned for a chat yesterday and was very underwhelmed that her boss had wanted to delay treatment til late this week because of admin!
Before we went away got a hamster in the post and threw it in the corner in dismay…having been finally (after two months and two fittings and a pile of men’s wigs second time which was very upsetting) was promised a stretched trendy multitone for my seemingly abnormal head size…never been a problem before :(((…got a plain horrible rat-like thing. SO pleased I got cold caps that the consultant said no can do. Keeping me about sane. Photo on PP of what’s left after two full cycles…small patch missing over left ear due to the broad bean incident!
Just had to share with you guys - big big good news… my insurance co. paid out this morning - just signed for a recorded delivery letter, and cheque was inside! Oh, the relief, can’t express it - but suddenly everything feels much more do-able - and the prospect of a sunny holiday later in the year - woo hoo!!
Well bloods were at 0.75 so going in right direction!! According to nurses, who were beginning to see just how nutty I was going the oncs wanted to keep me til Thursday but were told by nurses that they didn’t think it fair as i was beginning to revolt!!! So have been discharged with elephant pills and promise that I will go and get my bloods done on Thursday! Feel fine…sooooooo good to be home!
Last night was v funny…was taken off IV and put on oral ABs and then told I would be woken for obs at 3am…stood ground and said NO!
So 3am this morning rather than bang on door to wake me for obs I get nursing assistant with torch creep in…obviously to check if a. i am still there and havent escaped and b. I’m still alive. Well being woken at 3am in strange place by person unknown shining torch in face is not my idea of undisturbed sleep and I nearly hit the roof!!!
anyway…all over for now and i’m going to be having those cell boosting injections with next lot of tax…don’t think they really want me back!!!
Woo hoo LiF!! So glad you’re home - now, just PLEASE take it moderately easy for a day or two?? I’m not talking unmoving from the sofa (though that would be ideal, lol)… but just no sheep wrestling for a day or two??? We want you around!!!
Two big big reasons for me to be smiling today… on the downside, four days for cheque to clear… only three days til FEC2… the mad money spending spree will have to wait … well - I’ve got to spend SOMETHING, haven’t I? (and then I’ll pay off the car, and the overdrafts and the credit cards…)
That is fab news Sophie…I am sooooo pleased that the financial weight is off your mind!
Our mortgage cover is not critical illness but terminal(we were not offered critical)…so will not pay out unless someone signs to say I will def die within 6 months…
When you take out these policies you really have no idea of the actual implications and it all seems so far away…especially when you are not even old!
