starting my pink road of cemo, 15th nov

Public Archive
2641

Hi Pinks.
LiF glad you’re home. Make sure you keep well and dont be doing you usual superwoman act at least for a couple of days.
Julie i’m sorry you had such a tough time. Some people are horrible but you are lovely. Keep your chin up. I went to work today too and it went ok tho i wasnt looking forward to it. Will also have to go up a size in my clinic coat.

Ive got the opposite experience with my wig.One of my neighbours (male) keeps admiring my hair. Didn’t have the heart to tell him over Christmas that it wasn’t real and he’ll be mortified now when he finds out. Am also waiting for a second wig thru the post. That may get kicked into a corner too.

Had Mirena coil taken out today also.

Hugs to all . Hope heating etc gets sorted out. Checking my bank account daily for critical illness payment.
Polly xx

2642

Julie, hope you feeling better now, want to smack that woman in the face on your behalf! As I said before, you’d think people in nursing would be extra caring with colleagues, some people are obviously in the wrong job. Have a wee cry/glass of wine then forget about it all, not worth the headspace xxxx

Millykins (woo hoo! got it right at last!) want to smack that woman in the face on your behalf! Think they must have put something extra in my FEC3 and steroids today as not usually one to advocate violence being a peaceable sort of a gal…I actually love my wig (but never ever ever seen bald except by OH, even friends and family have not seen the bald me, think it’s because it makes me feel like a ‘victim’, I hate to see myself this way, also whereas some people look great, Jade Goody for example I think looked loads better bald, I just look like I’ve got cancer so maybe this is some sort of denial on my part)

LiF, glad you’re home sweet home! Your tales of incarceration did make me giggle, but glad that you’ll have no more rude awakenings at 3am or visits from lardy male nurses when you least want them.

Greetings to everyone else. Had FEC3 today so halfway through and feeling strangely good. Had a (takeaway but very reliable!) curry and two glasses of red wine and I’d never have managed that without Emend. Veins OK this time, I had the same nurse I had first time and she is just so gentle and attentive, I’m sure that’s what made the difference - my veins are still sore from FEC2 but fine from today’s. Nurse not encouraging about the TAX that I’ll be having next but just have to wait and see what delights are ahead

Hugs to all
xxx

2643

Julie, so sorry your first day back was so unwelcoming - hang on in there. Very soon you’ll be back in the thick of it - despite your manager - and they’ll wonder how on earth they managed without you.
Big hugs, enjoy that glass of wine.

Suzy - glad third session went well, hope the dreaded se’s stay at bay.

Hugs to all

Sophie xx

2644

Yippee FEC 4 done today - think I might now be able to see a fleck of light at the end of my tunnel!!

Had a KFC for my tea as I was at hospital all day. Appt for chemo was 12 and finally went in at 4 - 4 hour wait. My 16 year old was pleased - she loves KFC.

Sophie - great to hear about your insurance - dont spend it all in one go.

Lif - glad to know you have escaped and are not relaxing at home.

Reeb - good luck for FEC3 tomorrow and hopefully you will get your oil delivered before the next snow at the weekend

Millykins - what a thoughtless comment - I would have told her how I felt - I have given up being nice if someone says something I dont like now.

Julie - saw your link. Just when you have plucked up the courage to go back - it is ruined by a thoughtless manager. It would not hurt to have a return to work chat and offer support. I do this for my team even if they have only been off for a couple of weeks. Clearly not a people manager!

Nottsgal - know how you feel. I was still feeling a little nauseas today and went for FEC 4 today.

Suzi - Glad FEC 3 went OK - i think it is down to the nurses. My nurse today took her time and I had no pain or discomfort and was able to eat my tea - unlike my last FEC that was thrown in - in 45 mins. I am also like you - and were my wig or a hat unless I am in the shower. My family (apart from my eldest daughter) have not seen me bald.

Take care everyone and big hugs for anyone going for chemo this week.

Janette. xxx

2645

Hiya girlies
I think we need to set up an all purpose hit squad!
1 To spring any captured fellow pinkies, as and when required
2 To deal with thoughtless friends/bosses
3 Any other situation that we deem it to be necessary

Julie/Jo - am thinking of getting voodoo dolls for those concerned-hugs to both of you.

Sophie - so jealous, only have terminal cover as well - not intending to let anyone cash that in, cos I can’t go shopping with it

LiF - everything in moderation, except the chanpagne!

Reeb - hit squad can be used for useless companies run by men - good luck for FEC4

Janette/Suzi/Nottsgirl - hope se’s under control

If I have forgotten anyone I am very sorry…and lots of love and hugs

SJ xx

2646

JBT…huge hugs. My chemo nurse last time told me she had had a nurse as a patient with oesophageal cancer (not great prognosis) who when she tried to go back to work was offered FT nights or leave…she tried arguing that irregular eating patterns might have had something to do with her illness but to no avail. Hard to believe that managers in the NHS can be so awful and unfeeling…yours sounds horrible. The patients will appreciate you…and that’s what will make you feel like it’s worth it :slight_smile:

Millikins…another candidate for the Thoughtless Comment of the Week award. Grrrrr.

Suzy and Janette…well done. I’ll put my rant on PP as too much personal stuff for here but basically feel terrible.

2647

Julie, wow! It’s her problem lovely, don’t let her get you down! I know I’d rather have you looking after me than her any day. Hold your head up girl. P xxxx

2648

Hi all - just been catching-up - plus putting off going to bed as have FEC3 today (it’s gone midnight I think) and I’m dreading it! It’s just that I’ve been feeling quite good lately & I don’t want to go through my ‘day 6,7 & 8 syndrome’ again which happened on both FEC1 & 2 causing me to be ‘locked-up’ like Lif! So glad you’re out Lif by the way and I totally ‘got’ the going mad with the all the constant obs / dire food & solitary confinement stuff. It was the money running out on my TV card that tipped me over the edge in the end!
Another gripe, had a Groshong line fitted cos of crap veins etc. and guess what, couldn’t get blood from it today so had to use my crap veins! Apparently stuff can go in but they are having trouble getting anything out as may have ‘faulty inlet valve’ in the line (and as it’s buried inside my chest, no quick fix there). Gripe over, just feeling bit tentative I think - wish me luck and big hugs to others also having a treatment this week. xxx

2649

Hi Barneypaws

Thinking of you for FEC tomorrow. Had FEC 4 today and as I did not have steroids until 4.30 pm - am still wide awake.

Can they fix your line for the next chemo?

Janvis xxx

2650

Barneypaws,

Poor you.

I just had my FEC 2 today and feel very very sick and completely understand the ‘tentative’ feeling. We’ve just allowed poison into our body and there’s a sense of not knowing what the hell it is really doing and when we are going to be ill.

I too, couldn’t get blood from my embedded line today. They tried 3 times and then went for the painful vein from last time (which necessitated the line in the first place). Couldn’t use my other arm as had mx on that side last year.

Anyway, nothing useful to add, but sending sympathy and as Janvis says, I hope next chemo will be OK for you

Annie

2651

good luck barneypaws -

i can’t sleep tonight so came on to catch up

so pleased that LIF you have escaped - what a horrid time - thought we were going to have to come and get you!!

julieB -sounds rottent the way you were treated at work on your first day back. you have been an inspiration to us lot so don’t let the insensitive people there get you down.

sometimes,those positive comments actually make you feel worse at times don’t they - “its good that you are your having treatment” is another phrase ive heard a lot of times and I want to say, yes, pleased i can have treatment but there isn’t anything “good” about having to live with fatigue, constipation, diarhhea (can’t spell!!) sore arms, and whatever other side effects we get.

I am at the 3 out of 8 treatments stage so still feel i have a way to go - maybe i will feel as if i have turned a corner at 4 but i am scared of TAX.

i just had a spell of thinking, I want my body back. I feel out of control. although i am fortunate cos i like my wig, Without hair, i feel like Dobbby out of Harry Potter and i am hating the stupid little things like my constantly runny nose. oh well, these things come to try us.

since i am on my own, at least i don’t have an OH to try to please thank goodness but i do miss any comfort and hugs.

2652

Thanks Jarvis - not sure about the line, will ask again tomorrow…I mean today! The line was brilliant when having FEC2 but just only seems to be working one way now. If I hear ‘just a little scratch coming’ as they find another feeble excuse for a vein I’ll go mad - it HURTS! Expect I’ll be up late again tomorrow as I’ll be on the old steroids as well. OH wants the lap-top now (don’t know what his excuse is to go on so late??) so I’ll say night night and hope you get some shut-eye soon x

2653

cheers Little Angel & Annie as well xx

2654

Hi little angel

I am still wide awake. I know what you mean about wanting your body back and needing the hugs.

For all those that thought you had Critical Illness cover but it turns out Terminal illness - have you checked your Payment Protection cover. Most of you will be paying this on your mortgage payments and possibly on loans, credit cards, HP. This will pay your mortgage or other payments if you are signed off work - after the deferred period - usually 60 days.

Worth checking - its surprising what we have this on. Sometimes it is on life assurance and pensions and is called “waiver of premiums”

Big hugs to everyone facing chemo this week and those like me - looking forward to feeling bad from tomorrow for a little while!!
Janvis xxxx

2655

hi janette

just can’t settle tonight and not got the excuse of it being steroids either

how are you feeling?

2656

This is amazing! From feeling rubbish and scared, I’ve just realised that a few bits of sharing have really made a difference. I feel back in control again and the panic has gone - so will try creeping back to bed so as not to wake anyone. (shouldn’t speak too soon as if restless tossing and turning ensues, I’ll be back)

Thanks for letting me join in. I hope you all manage to get some rest
Annie

2657

Hi girls

I cant settle tonight either and have no treatment due just wide awake and hot. How are you? X

2658

Whoops… my post sounded a bit self-congratulatory. Didn’t see little angel’s last post. Very sorry all.
Annie

2659

kimmie - that’s me too just awake, restless and hot - even self regulating heat device - head!! - not cooling me down

resorted to horlicks - must be desperate and 5 biscuits - weight can sort itself out after chemo - now want to sleep!!!

2660

Early morning girls!

Can’t sleep either, had Taxol #1 today, OH had to basically drag me there as been in tears all Monday night over another set of SEs, have hit the ‘don’t want to play this game anymore stage’…poor OH, really feel for him as he wants to make it all better. Having the normality if Xmas/ny followed by reality of chemo just too much.

Well, aside from throwing up and fainting on the PRE MEDS of all things, it all went fine, albeit slow as 3 hour infusion during which I slept for most of it…hehe. Feeling ok at the mo, just tired and awake.

Had annoying wife of cancer man who was boasting about she knew all these people with cancer and how her husband didn’t get any SEs, hasn’t lost his hair, blah blah and how EASY chemo was…wanted to hit her with my Professor Plum machine but just said lucky you…then after my sick incident and I was half asleep, hat fell off and had turned a nice White/green complexion, she whispered (not) it’s so sad to see her, I can’t watch this I’m going for a walk…no wonder her hubby doesn’t have any SEs, he’s probably too scared to!

Good luck for today barneypaws! You can do it!

Little angel, know what you mean about being at halfway stage, scary all over again but also feels like there is an end. how often is your tax?

Kimmie - how you doing? Haven’t heard for a while. I get night sweats the first few days, then wake up freezing from a draughty house, I swear I’m going to be cryogenically frozen overnight…hehe.

Janvis/annie - hope SEs are kind to you…munch munch munch on the tablets.

LiF - glad to hear you’re out and in the loose, take it easy!

Nottsgal - re the money in your pension, by the time they’ve added admin fees and then taxed you on the way out, there’ll barely be a penny left! Try moneysypermarket.com is good for latest savings deals!

Must try and get some sleep, big hugs to all and to all a good night!

Cat xx