starting TAC 15th May

Quick one to Lily before sleep!

Poor you - excuse my ignorance, but what are the GI tubes? I am sure Prof D will sort you out on Thursday - let us know.

No, not built of steel, but I think I need to go back for my sanity! I went back after my lumpectomy, but after the mastectomy and reconstruction didn’t (!) so basically skipped the summer term.

I am secondary and only did my PGCE last year (yes, one of those ‘oldies’ retraining!). I only work part time (23 hours over a 2 week timetable), so hopefully if I can plan the first few weeks really well I will be able to swing it… How about you? Primary or Secondary? I think because I am still new to the teaching, my confidence would take a knock if I wasn’t there from the start of the academic year. Also, as I will be mainly working mornings, I should be able to fit in the radiotherapy in the afternoons… ROLL ON NOVEMBER!!! Assuming all goes according to plan…

Well, night night, and good luck tomorrow in clinic.
Rebecca xxx

Hi,
Gastro intestinal tubes, from the mouth down to the south pole!!
I have had dose 5 postponed for a week and have to go back to see the prof next Thursday to check I am better, before having it on the following Tuesday. He was on top form and gave me the most thorough physical I have ever had. All my scan results came back clear too so went home really cheerful. I also had to go to the dentist (which I hate) about my mouth and discovered that somewhere in my treatment a crown had been sheared off and was razor sharp, so got that fixed and my mouth started to improve. I am feeling better but tubes not back to normal yet so I am pleased to have a week to improve before my new drugs, as I have to go 2 weeks in a row from now on. I feel I need to start the next part as well as possible. I went into teaching very late too and am in my year following NQT, just as I planned to start applying for promotions! I am also in the middle of a Masters, with chemo brain!! Not a lot of progress! I have been at the school a few years but if I was new I think I would be more worried about being off so long. They have taken someone on for a year to cover me so when I go back I should not have to teach full time. I really miss my tutor group though. Will you go back in a wig or do you still have enough hair? That is really worrying me.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and keep me posted how you go. I will follow your progress back with interest.
lily x

Hi Lily (and Jenn further down!)

Well, number 5 down - hurrah. That will be you soon. Great news about the scans - what a relief,. Feel deprived as the Prof has never examined me!

I slept OK last night but do feel quite knackered today with very piggy eyes, so no venturing out anywhere today!

What (another) coincidence that you are also newish to the teaching lark. Guess as you say you have a tutor group that you are also secondary. To be honest, there is no way I would go back to work if I was full time. I also have small classes which is another bonus. Yes, I will be going back in a wig as God help them if I went in without! I am sure my hair is getting a bit longer, and the Prof said that can happen. “But does that mean the chemo is not working???!!” I asked anxiously, and I got the usual “nahh” type answer! There wouldn’t be much learning going on. My 5 year old still looks as if he has seen a ghost when he spots me without wig or scarf! I do worry about their reaction, but I think after the first few classes the ‘novelty’ of seeing me will pass and they will just get on with dealing with their hormones!

Jenn - how are you? My friend has had to drop out of the “Look good” thing, but I am def still going. I think I may have my radiotherapy booking session that day, so will be a day out in the hospital. Hurrah… at least I’ll go home with goodies! So, we’ll have to latch on to each other as soon as we get there!

OK, off to surf now as we plan to go away for a few days week after next. Hubby fancies the Eurostar to Calais (from St Pancreas), but I may have to disappoint him, much as we love going to France. We spent a fortune in Aldeburgh and even though we don’t mind spending money (even if we don’t have it!) on holidays I think I am going to try and persuade him to go to a bit closer to home, to Whitstable for a few days instead. I have always fancied going and I love my fish and oysters! I have put on half a stone since starting chemo, but probably because I am eating a lot. Need to watch it now as my clothes are getting very tight which is depressing me, and clothes shopping (especially for bigger sizes) is not really what I fancy at present!

Well, lots of love - we are getting there…
Rebecca xx

hello teachers!

isn’t it strange! We all work in an educational environment! I work at South East Essex College! I’m not a teacher though.I’m a liasion officer- someone who contacts 16-19 year olds for not turning up to classes.It’s more of a social worker role most of the time. I love working with teenagers (for my sins) I also help out at a local youth club when I’m well. I also have someone covering me until I go back.I can’t wait- and yes I will definately be wearing my wig! It’s strange though- what hair I have left on my head is also growing and I can see new growth under the skin.I still have my eyebrows and top lashes.

Lily I am so pleased your scan results are all clear and as for the delay till next time-enjoy the break for now,perhaps treat yourself!

I’ve not been to well AGAIN this time. I usually expect to feel groggy for about a week after treatment,but this time I had a sore throat which has now turned into a stinking cold.My temperature went up to 37.5 which is high for me.Phoned the unit for advice and I just have to rest and drink.Grrr!!! Trying to explain to the kids I still don’t feel well enough to do anything is becoming annoying. I’m now at that stage of having to be careful of any infection so worried about going anywhere too busy but my head is like cotton wool anyway!

We’re trying to arrange going away for a couple of days week after next.Thinking of Longleat Safari park and perhaps a nice hotel with a pool. Although when I’m not feeling that well I find it hard to plan. My hubby is sooo worried about the monkeys though- lol!

As for putting on weight-well I’ve always been big and last year I decided enough was enough and joined Rosemary Conley and took up tap dancing and swimming, lost 2.5 stone and was still loosing.Then bang! This happens and I swear I’ve put on at least half of that and all my muscles that had toned up have now sagged again! I still cannot wear my jeans because of my tummy so tend to stick to linen trousers now.I agree about shopping for clothes I have so got to be in the mood and I look at tops differently now as I can definately notice my left boob is bigger to my right!

I’ve got to see my nurse on Tuesday for my bad arm…perhaps I may just have to do a little retail therapy just for medicinal purposes afterwards though!!!

Hi Jen and Rebecca,
Jen, sorry to hear about the sore throat and cold, you are lucky they didn’t drag you in. I am amazed you didn’t have to have your bloods checked as I always get ordered in, just in case! Hope you are feeling much better now and how is your arm too?
How funny that we are all in a similar line of business, perhaps it is the stress of teenagers that got us! It is really annoying me that I am off for so long and have to try not to think about my most fragile students or I start feeling guilty. I keep bumping into them and having to make up reasons why I am not back yet. I have been warned not to let them know the reason why. Easier said than done.
I am getting bigger too because I am doing so much less than usual. I would swim if we were allowed to and can’t face anything harder than that.
Rebecca - you really must get the prof to exam you!!! LOL. The trip to France sounds lovely. We keep talking about doing something but never get round to it and not sure how I will feel on the new regime. I go 2 weeks in a row then get 2 weeks off so hard to work out when would be a good time till I start it.
Back to see the prof on Thursday. He just loves talking to my hubby and I swear he talks to him for longer than he does me!! Well I am more or less back to normal so thinking of some nice things to do this week. Probably going to sit by the sea tomorrow unless it is raining and then it will have to be shopping. Hope you both have a good week. I don’t know how you can get your head round teaching lessons, I cannot even work out the date to put on the board!!
Lily x

hi girls!

feeling a bit better now! I am surprised I wasn’t asked to go in and have my bloods checked too. I have done almost NOTHING this week and drank like a fish.The odd paracetamol but plenty of honey and lemon.I know it wasn’t worth taking anti biotics for a cold but I didn’t want it to get to my chest which usually happens.Fingers crossed so far! As for arm it’s not too bad but I’m glad I’m seeing the nurse tomorrow to have it assessed.

Rebecca - I won’t be going to the look good thing in August,I can’t make it,to close to my chemo but I have booked in for September-definately.Iknow it’s awkward with the term started but I don’t intend to go back until 3 weeks have passed after my final chemo,which is on 12th Sept. The LGFB is booked for 23rd September.

Well I’m off to cook a roast.Can’t taste much but potatoes are good! Take it easy both of you. Jen x

Hi Jen an Rebecca,
Jen so glad to hear you are improving now. I think we should all be given immunity from any other illness while battling this. Not fair at all. I think it was a really good idea to rest and let us know how it goes with the nurse.

Are you both working through rads? I just assumed it would be too difficult with the travelling to Colchester too, so might have a rethink if you get on ok. Jen, I assume you would go to Southend for rads if working as nearby? I spent the day at Walton and the sea air always makes me feel so much better. It was surprisingly quiet for the time of year and loads of parking if either of you want a trip out. I had forgotten how much sand there is once you get further up than Southend. We walked between cafes and ate too much, so hoping I have not overdone it too soon. I feel really well but the insides are still a bit of a worry so being careful. Well I was until today! My son’s GCSE results are out next week so that is another thing to wait anxiously for. I am expecting a big range between the subjects according to whether he likes the subject and/or the teacher!! You know the type! He plans to take 4 A levels so needs to get at least 2 x B and 6 x C to be able to stay on at school.
Take care
Lily x

Hello you two

Yes, isn’t it strange that we all work with teenagers. I do think that when we do eventually go back to work (OK, me in 3 weeks!) that it will give us a new focus, and let’s face it, there is nothing like demanding kids to make you forget things. Jenn, are you going back full time?

Glad you are both in fairly good spirits at the moment. How was the roast?! My tongue is horrible this time, but I can still just about taste stuff. The sea air is certainly a good thing - I come from the coast (North Wales) originally so always hanker for the waves. We have decided on Whitstable instead of France so will be heading there next week for a few days. I don’t know why I pick these beautiful little resorts as I get so jealous of all the people with holiday homes there! We have just downloaded the photos from Aldeburgh and what a shock. I can’t believe how much my wig looks like a wig! It doesn’t seem to in real life, but it has really depressed me - together with the extra flab poking out everywhere! Ahhhhhhhhh

Jenn, shame about the Look Good. I have a horrible feeling I may not go after all as I have a friend to stay that week… The skin around my mouth is all wrinkled - it is truly horrible. I am putting Estee Lauder stuff on it and trying to drink loads, but it is really awful.

Oh Lily, anxious times for your son! Does he go to the school where you teach? Fingers crossed for that.

I have my radiotherapy planning session booked now, and that has made me feel a little positive - next stage. I know the driving will be a pain, and we will be tired, but anything rather than the TAC!

Well, off to get some washing in before I go and collect the children from swimming.

‘Speak’ soon
Rebecca xxxx

Hello Rebecca, Lily and Jennie,

Just nipped on to say hello to you all as I am another Chelmsford lady.

I am way behing all you lot - only just starting - 1st surgery this thursday - followed by all the rest of it.

I was under Simon Smith, who is really nice but due to his long waiting list, I am now with Prof. Sauven. Prof. Davidson apparently also knows all about me!!
I’m just greedy.

Have also spoken to Sharon2 on here - so there’s a little gang of us Chelmsford girls about here now.
Rebecca - I bet you get much nicer food and the loos are much cleaner!!

Wishing you all the best with the rest of your treatments and hope everything goes well with you all.
May bump into you somewhere along…

Love Tracey

hi everyone!

well the cold is going! I think I may be lucky and have avoided any infection.But wait unit next week for bloods.Ijust don’t want ANYTHING to slow down my chemo as I too have started to make plans for the new year (OMG- I mean academic year-lol!)

Tracey- welcome! Good luck for Thursday.Is your surgery in St Andrew’s? I didn’t think it was too bad there-the nurses are fantastic.

Lily- It’s lovely to here you are feeling ok-Walton? I love it! Many childhood trips there too.I haven’t taken my kids there much.Neither of mine are beach lovers-they get really grouchy about sand in their toes-grr! I haven’t got to have any rads which I’m relieved about.Just a year of Herceptin-so still 3 weekly trips to the hospital.I will definately have that treatment at Broomfield.Fingers crossed for your sons x

Rebecca- are you ok? I felt you seemed a bit down.I feel like that about my wig too.I went out yesterday and nobody told me that my glasses were wonky either- I felt really silly by the time I got back! As for taste-well when I had the roast all I could taste were the potatoes-everything else was like cardboard! Had to do a nice meal everyone has just been eating rubbish lately. It is a shame about the LGFB session-could you perhaps make September? My mouth is the same and my skin looks a bit blotchy too- but near the end now!!! As for going back to work,I only work part time-3 days a week - I chose to have 2 days free,usually see my mum or friends on Tuesday and housework and shopping Mondays!

well I must go and get busy - stilll in my pj’s at 1130!! Mum stayed the night and has taken over things -yippee! Me? - chillin!!! Jen xxx

Hi,
glad to hear you are all ok. Tracey lots of luck tomorrow let me know how you get on. I am still laughing about you being ‘UNDER Simon Smith’ and now moving on to Prof Sauven!! How greedy!! LOL
Thanks for the good wishes for my son, no I wouldn’t like to teach at the same school as my kids as I have 4 but he is the youngest, so the rest are working. He goes locally so can walk or cycle until the new year when he can start driving. No doubt that will be really expensive to insure him! I will need to get back to work to pay for it. You are both moving on with your treatment so quickly now, it must be lovely. Jen I don’t know much about herceptin, do you get side effects and does it take long to go in? From what you said I assume you are working round it and that you are HER2 +.
Rebecca, you will have to keep me posted about the rads, that is my next stop but not until another 4 double doses of CMF, which will take me to Nov unless I jump ship before the end. Prof said the 4 x epi has already done what it needed to and the CMF will just keep pushing the % a bit higher so will try to stick it out.
I know what you mean about photos, I absolutaly hate people taking them. I just don’t look like me any more. I was ok for the first 3 but suddenly look very weary and piggy eyed. Bumped into 2 of my tutees and they were visibly shocked and kept looking at the last remnants of my fringe!!
Enjoy the last few weeks I am practising retiring until the new year!
lily x

Just a quickie before I renew my car tax… Had friends round for lunch. No children, fab jobs, loads of dosh, amazing hols, lovely people (do not brag) who we haven’t seen for a while. They were great and we just talked a little bit about me, then I made them tell me all about their exciting life. Anyway, feel positive as they spurred me onto planning all these great hols we will go on next year (probably won’t!). BUT THE SADDEST THING IS THAT RED WINE STILL TASTES AWFUL.! Normally with them we embibe (? spelling) lots whilst chatting over dinner (I told them no dinners for me until November as I will be asleep in the starters!). Number 5 has really buggered my mouth. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Hope you are enjoying the weekend ladies
Love
Rebecca xxx

Hi Rebecca and Jen,
Rebecca if your mouth is really bad get some advice. I have had steroids when my tongue was sore, felt like it had been burnt and I had nystatin when it was furry and hurt, which is fungus. Yuk! I felt like my teeth were razor blades and I needed some medicine to sort it out. Hope yours is not that bad, keep using the Difflam rinse and try drinking cold water out the fridge. Bad luck about the wine, by the time you can drink you will fall over after one glass!! Hope you feel much better soon.
I am back in on Tuesday to start my new treatment, so bit scared of the unknown. Prof has changed all my drugs but still wants me to try the max dose before he will reduce it. Here we go again! I have to go 2 weeks in a row, so I really hope this first one goes well. GCSe results out this week which means school starts soon. Are you sure you both don’t want another month at home??? Just joking, hope your plans go well
Lily x

Hi both of you!

I have tried posting twice lately and each time I get interrupted and don’t get to finish! I am determined today,but having a bit of trouble as hand is bad and wearing special mitten to help with swelling.I went to see the nurse and she has measured me.My right arm is 8% larger than my left.They don’t recommend massage until I am 10% and not until after chemo anyway! I reckon it has been more than 10% at times-like today so I’m going to try for it after chemo anyway.

I feel fortunate not to have rads aswell.I Iive in Southend and travelling to Broomfield would be inconceivable.Don’t ask why I’m at Chelmsford-it’s a long story,but I am happy there.Lily-as for the Herceptin,yes I am Her2+++ which means a year of the drug and possible trials.Its intraveneous,which is why I had a portocath fitted.I think it’s 3 weekly and takes about 1.5 hours but the first session is longer in case of side effects. I only know of any further side effects from the ladies on here,I haven’t discussed it with the hosp yet-dealing with chemo first!

Rebecca- I feel for you with the taste thing and your mouth.I suffer each time,my third was the worst.I went to the doctors thinking I had thrush but it wasn’t.I use the most gentle brush I can find and even clean the roof of my mouth.I’ve done that even in the middle of the night! Some people say pineapple helps-I don’t. I have tried chewing gum and it helps in the short term.But like Lily says-cold water and Difflam is good.I found I become really snappy because of it,as I was feeling better in myself I just couldn’t bear it! When your taste comes back is it gradual? Mine starts with salty things,then bitter then sour.Sweet things still do not taste the same and I just cannot abide chocolate anymore-good ehh?

A nice glasss of wine-ooohhhhh!!! I’m a white wine person and I like it nice and cold from the fridge. As for meals out I cannot wait! I think I’m booked up every weekend till Xmas!! I like greek food,but then again I like a nice carvery aswell- actually at this point in time any meal including fish and chips sound good!!!

Well must go friends due for coffee and place looks like a bomb has hit it!!! Jen xxx

Hi Jen and Rebecca,
Jen is it the lymphoedema that is causing a problem with your hand and what is the mitt? I do keep looking at my arm and wondering whether it is bigger. I think one exercise is to put your arm up in the air and open and shut your hand like a bird pecking. Might be worth a try. Are you still able to drive? By the way, you have to go to Southend or Colchester for rads, they have no machinery for it in Chelmsford.Rebecca and I will be on the A12 every day. How many do you need Rebecca? I have to have 15 after chemo.
I have a port too as they could not ecven get blood the first time. I was so scared my veins all disappeared but are also too thin and I was having epi which narrows the veins even more. Snap I cannot eat chocolate either and I cannot eat cereal because the milk tastes like glue. I should be getting slimmer. LOL. No chance! I am thinking about nice holidays next year too, not sure whather insurance will be difficult. Have either of you enquired? Well I start my new drugs tomorrow so rather anxious and even more anxious about going in a week later.
Take care and hope you feel better soon
Lily x

Hi Girls,

Just to let you know, I had my surgery thursday at Broomfield. Am recovering well, but now back to the dreaded waiting for results to find out what comes next.

Will probably stay with the Prof. now - as he did the surgery, it makes sense. Was getting a bit uncomfortable under S. Smith anyway!!

I do hope you all are not suffering too much with the dreaded chemo side effects, not anything I can say about this as I haven’t started it yet.

Lily - good luck for your new treatment today and results, I am having physio this morning - that’s if I can find a parking space?

With love
Traceyxxxxxxxx

Tracey,
well done for getting through the surgery and hope you feel better every day. Waiting for results is the pits but you are in good hands. keep us posted how you get on and what comes next. Start thinking about questions to ask and jot them down. I get sidetracked otherwise.Glad you have your sense of humour still about Smithy!!! That will get you a long way through all this treatment. My first CMF is done and feeling ok on day one, waiting to see what the next few days hold.
Take care
Lily x

hi girls

everyone seems upbeat at the moment that’s good!

I feel a bit blrr today had 5th session yesterday.Luckily after awlful cold my bloods were fine to go ahead.Usually I’m alright for the first day or two as the steroids keep me going but I have been so tired today! I think I have been exhausted this summer hols and I am getting terrible hot flushes especially at night.Doc said it’s down to the chemo-surprise surprise!

Tracey - glad to here the op went well,keep up with the physio and take it slowly! True about the waiting game- I think even at this stage that was worse-I feel for you! xx

Lily- I have to wear a special compression mitten to help with lymph drainage,although I’m finding it too restricting. I have exrcises to do mostly clenching fists and the funniest-pretending to brush my hair!!! Actually it has helped but now it is a bit cooler outside and I pace myself its ok.Bumped into a lady who has had it for 12years,she has flown ok too.Her only problem was being careful not to get insect bites as occassionaly you have to have intraveous antibiotics!

Rebecca- how are you? Coping this time ok besides your mouth? I had my worst time last month,cold didn’t help.Constantly looking for new things to try and help.Found out yesterday I will have to have tomomxifen for 5 years after Herceptin but I’ll discuss this further with the Prof.Also found out the “c” got into my blood stream but he still said my prognosis was good! Which helps!!

anyway going now want to lie down and have a nap again before hubby TRIES to do some dinner-hmmmm! Bless he does try lol Jen xxx

Hello girls

Well, had great few days in Whitstable. I love it there - even more than Aldeburgh! Great day as finished all the tabs today so have a week free of it… I can’t believe how quickly the summer has gone. This time next week (fingers crossed), I will have just finished number 6 - HURRAH!!! Number 5 definitely knackered me the most. My mouth was fine to be honest - it was more a case of it felt like it was lined with sandpaper. Weird.

Right, let’s try and think of all the questions I had for you all!

Jen - great number 5 wasn’t delayed - one more - the end is in sight!! Yes, I will also be on Tamoxifen for 5 years, and Zoledex injections, but I am HR - so no Herceptin. I am to have 25 sessions of radiotherapy. Bliss… As you are around 2 weeks after me on the chemo, sounds as if we will finish rads almost at the same time. How did you find out about the blood stream? I really want to know the answer to that! Did he volunteer it or did you ask? It is a question I want to ask. Also, did you have any spread in your lymph nodes? I had it in one node. With all your trouble, assume you had all the lymphs taken out? I thought I had, and then found out on a piece of correspondence that he only took out 6!

Lily - how are you feeling now after the first CMF? Hope you are bearing up. Snap about the weight. I ordered some stuff from Boden (yes, on a credit card!), and most of it is going back as it won’t go near me. I am keeping a mac which frankly although a size 12 (I know their coats are generous), could probably hold Team GB in it! I meant to ask why your school is asking you to keep your reason for sick leave a secret, or is that your choice? It is a difficult one I know.

Tracey - hi! Lost track of which surgery you were having? Hope you are feeling OK - when do you go back to see the Prof?

Off to do some boring ironing now. I have Mount Everest there looking at me.
Lots of love
Rebecca xxx

Hi,
you sound greta, despite all this, well done!! Hope you have not slid down again since posting. I did not mention it before, as I did not want to scare a friend on this forum who has the same treatment a day after me, but I had a funny reaction with my first CMF. I have 5 tubes of poison and on the last one had a horrid pain in my nose and head, then could not breathe through my nose before getting very hot, dizzy and feeling faint. They were really good and I had to wait for it to pass before resuming the last little bit and had an extra bag of saline before being allowed to leave. They don’t seem concerned and think they can solve it by giving it in a drip and doubling my fluids - will be a bit scary on Tuesday when they try it out. On the plus side I have felt great, just got the dry horrid mouth coming in over the past 2 days. I made the mistake of trying to go shopping today and found out quite quickly that I was not as well as I thought and felt very tired. When I got home from the first dose I found my lovely Mother in law had died that morning so it was a tough day. I need to buy something to wear for the funeral but did not manage to find anything before I got tired.
Jen, you had a tough time with the cold and the lymph trouble, you are amazing to be so cheerful. Hope this one is not too terrible, but great to have another one done and dusted. I have another 7 to go boo hoo. Prof told me I had a bit of blood, as he calls it.
Rebecca, so glad you had a lovely break. It’s that sea air that does you good. Even better to be looking at the finishing post for chemo, how brilliant. I am interested about the nodes as I was told I was having 4 removed but found out later they only took one which was ok. It did worry me in case they should have taken and checked more but you don’t see the surgeon again to ask. Did you both have sentinel node biopsies? The prof just told me that I had a little bloods as he calls it. That is vascular invasion as the cancer can spread through the lymph system or grow its own blood vessels to connect up to the blood system. He told me my age was more of a problem than that. What can you say, you are how old you are, and I am not as young as many people on here. My school don’t think the kids should be distressed by it and also the weight of emotion on me I suppose when I go back. I am not sure what I think as I would like to give them hope by seeing someone cope, with figures for cancer so high. Also I don’t want to be asked is it back every time I am off ill. Not sure what is best. Have you told yours?
Tracey hope the results are good and that you are starting to get about more. Keep us posted
Love to you all
Lily x