Staying positive...

Friends and family Supporting someone with breast cancer
1

Hi,

 

Ealier this week, my Mum was given a virtually impossible decision as to whether to have chemo or not.  She had a stage 1, grade 2, ER+, HER2+ and PR- tumor which was removed and no affected lymph nodes were identified.

 

The doctors told her that she had a very good prognosis but was offered chemo and herceptin because of the HER2+ status and was told that she had a 3% benefit from it over 10 years (i.e 3% more women were alive becuase of having chemo and herceptin).  the Doctors told her that if it had been a 2.9% benefit then she would not have been offered chemotherapy at all so the decision was very difficult (3% being the NHS cut off point for benefits vs. risk), but she bravely chose to have the chemotherapy.

 

She starts next week and she is so scared - she doesn’t tell me that she is scared but its easy to see.  She will be having 6 cycles of FEC and has been told she will almost certainly lose her hair.  She is also a teacher and has been told it is best not to work as little children carry lots of germs.  She is divorced and has very few family members so I am her sole carer and she hates that I am putting my life on hold to help her through it, even though I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else but by her side through this.  Her job is her life and I worry that, being a less than confident woman, without it to focus her mind and with the prospect of losing her hair she is going to struggle.

 

I don’t know how to help her through it - its all very overwhelming and I’m trying to be as positive and strong as possible for her but I’m terrified!  I’m not saying that I wish she had opted out of the chemotherapy - there wasn’t a right or wrong decision and if she had opted out then she may have blamed herself if it came back and she hadn’t done all she could.

 

I keep trying to remind myself that her prognosis is good, but chemo comes with so many risks and I’m scared for her.

 

This has come out as a but of an essay and I’m not quite sure what I’m asking now…  perhaps i just want to know if anyone out there had any advice about helping my Mum through this and staying positive for her!

 

Thanks

 

 

 

2

Hi JW,

Sorry you find yourself here but you will get lots of support for both yourself and your Mum on here and it really helps.

mm it’s a tricky one but it sounds like your Mum has made up her mind and is bravely going through with the chemo.  I did 6 x FEC and for me it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting - i really just felt like i’de been hit by a sledgehammer for a couple of days aftewards and then virtually back to normal till the next one loomed.

try and help her with practical things - ironing, a little housework, cooking, a nice magazine to read etc it all helps.  yes she will probably loose her hair unless she does the cold cap thing (ask about it)  it makes treatment a couple of hours longer each time but i saved most of my hair and that was important to me - others are less self conscious and there are some great wigs out there nowdays -really.

The germ thing is difficult- especially if she is around little children.  make sure all tea towles and dishclothes are washed regularly on a hot wash, keep some rubber gloves for cleaning, try to eat healthily and avoid all unwashed salads and fruit. there is lots of other good advice on her ‘top tips going through chemo’.

 

Good luck to you both - it is a grim time but in six months she will look back and be glad she did it.

cheers

Caroline

3

The way I look at it is that it only takes one stray cell from the tumour to get into the blood steam, they can’t say how many people that affects and having chemo is the best way to zap any cells that leave the tumour. My mum was er pr and her2+ she was grade 3 and stage 2 though as her tumour was big but no spread to nodes. You need chemo to have herceptin and herceptin is critically for a her 2+ status so she’s done the best thing and probably wants to know that if there is a recurrence there was nothing she could have done differently!
Hair grows back but we only get one life, my mum tried the cold cap but hated it and her hair has grown back pretty quickly :slight_smile: she is now 2 1/2 years down the line and just had a positive check up too :slight_smile: xx