Hi There
I posted on here a few weeks ago regarding my mum. We are a few more weeks down the line. We have been advised that mum’s condition is terminal and that chemo will hopefully keep things at bay. Whilst I am still feeling fairly positive we are being told to prepare for the worst. This is something which I am finding very difficult as I don’t think I have it in me to be positive and think about the worst happening at the same time. I know that those involved with mum’s treatment have to prepare us all for every eventuality but don’t feel it fair of them saying this when they don’t know yet if her treatment is working. Mum has been visited by staff from the local hospice which I see as a positive thing and something that will support mum however my siblings are convinced that they only become involved when the worst is inevitable. I don’t know what to feel, think or say at the moment and not sure if anyone out there can advise but if you can please do.
Thanks
Anne Louise
Hello Anne Louise,
It’s not an easy time for you right now, so am sending a hug. You and your siblings might be sharing the same news but emotionally you’ll be at very different places entirely.
Hospices can get involved at almost any stage - definitely positive though as your Mum is getting the support and help she needs. Try and just live each day as it comes, you are all living! This can be a very positive time. My father’s last few months I got to know him as a friend, as an adult, not just my dad. I discovered he had a really mischievous side and a wicked sense of humour. He taught me so much about keeping your dignity through the most undignified things. I am so glad I had that time with him. I hope that this time you have with your Mum will be equally, if not even more positive. Don’t ask for time scales, nobody can ever tell ‘how long’, sometimes things progress at speeds nobody can predict. I believe that although we never have all the time we could want with those we love, we have all the time we need to show our love. Just always, always be you, no pretending, just be yourself. It’s ok to cry and, it is ok to laugh too! Anger is normal, but try and remember why you are angry and don’t direct it at the people you love.
hugs
Ruth
x
Hi Anne Louise
I am so sorry to hear about your mum and know that it can’t be easy for any of you right now. I agree with Ruth saying to take each day as it comes, and maybe your mums treatment will work and give her more time than they say, but I don’t think anyone really knows.
Sadly my mum passed away 3 years ago with a brain tumour, but we didn’t know anything about it til 10 days before she died, we knew something was not right with her, but not what it was until it was too late, but were told that treatment would not have worked for her anyway.
It is going to be hard, but you will find the strength from somewhere to help your mum and family through this and to stay positive, although you may not feel it right now. Cry when you need to and laugh when you can.
I am sending you lots of cyber hugs and hoping that you are all OK (as well as you can be).
Take care
Love
Dawn
x
Dear Anne Louise
I know it cannot be easy for you right now. You have come to the right place for help.
I did not want to get my local hospice involved as I too thought I must really be on the way out if I have to have help from them. The word “Hospice” to me was death. I now know this is not the case. I was listening to a radio programme the other day and although I cannot remember all the details, the word “hospice” means hospitality in another language.
I told the nurse that visits me that I didn’t like to think I was having support from a Hospice - Hospice to me was the end of the road. She told me that I am not alone in thinking like this. However, they do all sorts of things; support, pain management, clinical psychologist, aromatherapy, reiki etc. My nurse has been very supportive and I really enjoy her visits. She even helped with my benefits, got me a Macmillan grant and comes up with lots of good ideas. Look at this as a positive way in which to get support from someone who has experience. It’s also good to talk.
Take care.
Jeannie
There is something that must be said here: If your cancer has progressed beyond a primary, you are labelled “terminal”. I am terminal. I have metastates. However, my cancer is stable, and three years down the line from being identified as terminal, my last scan (ten days ago) showed no change from the scan 30 months previously.
I am just pointing out that that medical terminology can be both accurate and inaccurate.
If your mother is responding to chemo, then put the word “terminal” to one side and get on with life. If this is not the case, I am truly sorry and hope that you will be able to find a good resolution.
I endorse what Phoebe’s said.
I know that things look bleak at the moment but there is always hope, if only that your Mum makes the best of whatever time she has. You and your family have the opportunity to tell your mum how you really feel and hopefully have no regrets.
I also know of lots people who have done far better than the statistics dictate and have managed to live a full life whilst the cancer is controlled.
Thinking of you and your family.