Does anyone else feel like this?..
I was diagnosed nearly 5 years ago, IDC with lymph node involvement, had mastectomy, ANC, chemo, rads and am on AI.
Most of the time now I feel calm and have “moved on” but it’s weird how some things just make me so angry and make me question why this cr*p has happened to me.
This morning there was a long wait for my appointment at my local GP Surgery. I have no problem with this per se, the GP I see is fantastic, worth waiting for and I didn’t have anything else pressing to do anyway. However what did start to make me mad was some of the other patients who were waiting.
The obesity thing scares me. I did a quick quiz on the BBC News website recently about BMI and how mine relates to other women in my age group in UK. Despite my forum name I am not skinny, my BMI is 23 and I take UK size 10 clothes. Apparently a BMI of 23 is lower than 85% of women in UK in my age group. I found this so shocking.
It makes me angry that despite never smoking, never being overweight, living a ‘healthy’ lifestyle I am the one who ended up with cancer (plus a few other health issues). This is probably desperately un-PC but it does make me angry that while, through no fault of my own, I am likely to continue to need considerable input from the NHS, resources are likely to be more and more ‘rationed’ as the ‘obesity epidemic’ takes hold.
Does anyone else still get angry after this length of time?
Hi SKinny
Yes I do at times I am afraid. It will be 5 years for me in September and while I have finally reached a much better place of acceptance, when I look at my scarred body and numb reconstruction, I do wonder what the hell happened!!
I think it’s normal to be angry, even after this length of time, but what we mustn’t do is allow the anger to take over our minds, or else in my view, the disease has ‘won’!!
I too look at obese people, those who smoke and generally look not to be pictures of health and think why not then, but them, but remember BC does not pick and choose who it attacks and even the healthiest of people get diagnosed. The good news is that there is life after BC , but it do get what you mean, the effects of this trauma can last way past the anyone’s expectations xxxx
Skinny I feel just the same. I, too am skinny, never smoked, eat a very healthy diet, excercise etc. and yet I got bc. It doesn’t seem fair, does it ? Some one said to me that the fact I’m so healthy helped me recover so quickly, but I’m still recovering, one year on. We have to console ourselves that our risk of cardiovascular disease and other cancers is reduced, although I’m cross that I have to take tamoxifen, which increases the risk of blood clots and uterine cancer.
I think your feelings are quite normal and you can acknowledge them which makes me think you are very well adjusted.
Good for you for being healthy, keep up the good work
Z
Thank you for the kind words - helps put it in perspective.