Hi,
I was dx just over 4 years ago and am currently on Arimidex. My problem is that I still have days where I am really down, can’t stop the tears and generally feeling low.
Is this normal after such a long time? My prognosis is good and I feel ashamed when I read some of the posts on here from ladies so much worse than me, but I still cannot stop feeling down on some days. Anyone else feel the same?
You most definitely are not alone! I am 16 months on from diagnosis and on Arimidex, having had a WLE and radiotherapy, however there are still days when all I want to do is cry and feel unreasonably grumpy. Almost like PMT used to be. I also feel quite depressed on these days, when in reality I have nothing to be depressed about as I have been not had such a horrendous time as some of the ladies on here. Do you find it just comes out of the blue, all is fine then the next day its hard not to cry for what feels like no reason?
I did wonder if this was down to the side effects of the medication?
Chris
Hi Chris/Laraine
I think we are often too hard on ourselfs to try to be upbeat and downplay the horrible experience we’ve been through. The shock and fear of diagnosis, regardless of the outcome and treatment is a really hard thing to come to terms with for many.
Im a year from surgery and recently had my 1st mamo, which brought it all back and the tears have been there.
I try to let myself cry when I need to as it can be a great relief, then I can get back to my ‘new’ normal life.
I dont think comparing each others experiences too much is helpful either, we all deal with the ‘journey’ differently- having chemo/rads/surgery is just a part of it.
The effect on our emotional and mental health are just as difficult to deal with. so be kind to yourselves!!!
Best wishes for a brighter day tomorrow
Love
Cathie
Hi ladies,
I was dx in Feb 2006 so I am over 4 years from diagnosis, also on Arimidex. I get very blue days when I feel like crying all the time and today is one of them. Lots of different things go through my head from feeling sorry for myself to being angry that my life has changed so much…I’m 49 by the way.
Like Cathie said, I don’t think you should compare results/prognosis etc because what is the really important word is ‘cancer’. The big c.
That’s what makes us feel down, that’s what we hate because cancer has changed everything.
I don’t know what the answer is to be honest but it does help to come on to a site like this and talk to people who are in the same emotional place…we truly understand. I know a lot of people mean well but unless you have walked in our shoes you don’t really know what it’s like. I get the feeling that people think that I should have put it all behind me after 4 years…hmmm…I would if I could believe me.
Keep talking and sharing 
Sheana x
I agree with Laurasue.
I think the medication plays a very big role in this. The mood swings are huge and come out of nowhere. I had an oopherectomy too and so I am dealing with surgical menopause as well as Arimidex.
One minute I am fine next I am very shaky and tearful. Of course when I am feeling low is when the cancer gremlins come back. But I do recognise a pattern now and know that eventually it will pass.
My older relatives and friends (I am 45) all tell me that menopause is very much like that - PMT multiplied by a 100.
It’s ok to feel sad. Nothing is worse than having to turn on the charm when you are feeling lousy.
Sheana - best avatar I have ever seen!
Hi all
I have’nt been on this site for ages. DX Feb 2009. WLE and rads etc. etc.
I too feel really bad/sad. I started with Arimidex then went onto Tamoxifen (Arimidex was just too painful). I really can understand what you ladies are saying. There seems to be no explanation for it. I/we have ‘survived’ this experience and I feel like I should be celebrating but I am not. I too feel the meds have a lot to do with this. I feel like I have lost control of my life just because i take a pill a day. The problem is - the pill runs my life. I have gained weight, I get feelings of sickness, sleepless nights (well you all know what I am on about. I hate my breasts now and my confidence has taken such a dive I don’t want to go out and enjoy myself. This just is not me. I love clothes and meeting with friends. I used to so enjoy my life - Pain in the butt for some but life and soul of a party for others! Not any more. I feel I have aged 10 years since diagnosis (I am 55). I have always considered myself to be outgoing but now I hate going out!!!
I also feel bad about feeling like this - so far I have done ok. I too get the feeling that other people think I am doing ok and have to keep my cool when people say how ‘lucky’ I am!!!
I feel exactly the same Corydory…old before my time. I never want to go out or do anything anymore. Do you know that I had the most awful thought earlier when I heaved myself up the stairs…Ive put on loads of weight…that maybe I would have been better not surviving. That’s how crap I feel.
Sheana
PS…I know it’s wrong but it’s good to say it out loud.
Hey - Sheana. I know just what you mean. How many times have I said that to my other half? Poor man (LOL). But you know what I think that deep down we have a tremendous strength. So much so that we CAN say it out loud.
I dont know what the answer is. I haven’t let my GP or BC nurse know how I feel. I would guess though that we don’t need to put our selves through this and maybe we should pay a little visit to the doctor and get some help.
Anybody got any thoughts on this?
XX
Just a thought Sheana - I take 1 x Amitripteline at night. Also have Declafenic for bone pain. Both of which I do ok with. I still wake up at night (several times) but I can usually get back to sleep easier with the Amitripteline. I believe it is used as an anti-depressant but if you only take one they help to relax you. (I got them ages ago from the doc because I was having awful bone pain and couldn’t sleep nights) My GP does stipulate that I only take one in the evening. Might be soemthing ot think about?
XX
At this very moment I’m lying in bed trying to decide if i should make an appointment with my GP or not…how can I get across how I feel in the short time I will be with her. All she will say is that I will feel better if I lose weight…yea maybe, but it’s not just my weight…there’s more to it than that.
I honestly don’t know if I can get across to her how I feel…so, what’s the alternative? A BC nurse…who will say what? Yes it’s tough but that’s it…what can anyone say? We can’t go back and change history can we…?
Sheana
Im on an antidepressant already…Venlafaxine. I have definitely felt worse this last year, which is now into my last one on Arimidex. What I’m not sure of is if the Arimidex makes you feel worse the longer you are on it? I’m sure Ive asked and had the usual vague replies.
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Sheana - I think you do need to see BC nurse and explain how you feel. Arimidex was awful for me but we are all different. It was bad for me because of the bone pain and the mood swings were just ridiculous. I am better on Tamoxifen. Have you had your meds changed at all? The problem we have with this is that is is different for everyone and you may well have ‘saturated’ Arimidex to the point where it is having even more horrible side effects for you. Has the way you feel got worse or have you been feeling like this throughout?
XX
Hi Sheena,
I’m on Arimidex and have been on them for 5 months now. Not long after that I went onto Citalopram tabs for depression. It took a couple of weeks before I got used to taking them, at first I just felt very flat and unemotional with them, rather a weired feeling. Now I’m really pleased that I went on them as they have not only helped with how I’m feeling at present , they also helped aleviate some of the se’s of the Arimidex. It has been very helpful for me being on them and they may be worth a try for yourself.
I really tried not to take them but my doctor finally persuaded me to give them a try and I’m glad I did.
Hope this is helpful to you.
Take Care,
Isabelle xxx
I get the feeling that there are a lot of us out there who feel totally crap and p**sed off with it all. We are all at different stages and it doesn’t seem to get any easier.
I’m way further down the road than you other ladies that have been posting and i thought by now it would have been behind me but I feel more of a mess lately than I did at the beginning.
I really didn’t think it would be like this and I am soooo depressed and sick of it.
Can I say thank you for sharing how you feel with me because it has helped me
Sheana x
Norberte - Brill and I love Yah!!! XX
Cory…I’m worse no than at the beginning. I seemed to cope ok for a long time but I would say the last 6 months have been the worst.
Tried Citalopram but changed to Venlafaxine after a couple of years.
Maybe I’m just mad! lol
By the way, my dad died after my first chemo and I never really grieved for him so I wonder if that’s all caught up in how I feel.
Sheana - I would guess that the way you are feeling is going to include just about everything so cry for it all. But don’t forget to remember to smile afterwards because like a lot of us - you deserve it. XXXX
Thanks Corydory…I do feel a bit better, hope you do too x
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