Evening Ladies -
On the Smug Bench tonight due to completing ALL the housework, ahem ahem.
Tomorrow is the First Night of a 5 night run and as props lady I seem to have lost the plot. Washing machine, bubbles, crashes, explosions, (virtual) brandy and sherry, soot, dust, leaves, thunder and lightning… I can feel the sychronised flushes coming on!!! But last year I coped with mega-props, and apart from the radishes (you try buying radishes with leaves on in October!) it all went extremely well. WELL, I DON’T CARE, I’VE BEEN POORLY!!!
Little Millie is fine, she has her waterproofs and boots on every morning for a Big Walk. I asked her if she would like a new sister and the answer was s*d off, I like being the only centre of attention…
Christmas?? What’s that?? The bit I enjoy is Christingle, and good food - the rest can go hang - that’s what happens when you’re old and grumpy!!
I’m on the stop talking about my hair bench! Yes, it’s grown back. Yes, it’s lovely and soft. Yes, you can hardly tell where I lost it. Yes, it’s a lovely style. But, hello?? Is that all there is to it? Just a bad hair year? I’m still struggling every minute of every day with the whole BC thing, having radiotherapy every day…and you want to stroke my hair like its all that matters?
Oooooh sorry, that came out a bit strong…get a grip woman, man up!
Hi Eve, fresh bed linen and a warm bath are two of life’s luxuries, along with buttered toast and a cup of tea. Hope you’re not so tired in the morning, and that the lumpy bits are just bumpy bits.
Oh Eve, so much is happening and it is soooooo tiring, hope you had a good rest, off to the “spoil myself” bench for you!
Ali, was that a small rant?? It’s amazing how angry you feel about “well meaning” comments, I really don’t think you know anything until it actually happens to you, if you know what I mean, I felt really annoyed when everyone said well that’s it all over for you now after first op, WHAT???
Trying to prise myself of the “CBA” bench have visitors coming today, trying to get over to the “get motivated” bench, it doesn’t appear to be working xx
Thank you, Ali and Katy! Felt utterly spoilt last night indeed. Now having a good sleep on the other hand is a totally different matter. Stupid flushes keep waking me up, finding it hard to go back to sleep…
Kitchen is still in a terrible state, but apart from no motivation (still) there is no time for dealing with it right now. Have to get ready for my second zapping session…
Hope you’re all having a good day! xx
Morning all!! Yup Katytc I indulged myself somewhat in a little rant, and boy do I feel better for it! I needed to say it to someone, and I knew that saying it to the hair-patters would only cause distress… Can I point out though that I AM glad my hair’s back,and I really do feel for all those losing or not yet regaining hair. I just think it should be upto the person involved as to how important it is in the grand scheme of things, and yesterday I was feeling fragile about all sorts of cancer related things, yet all I heard was ooh hair! I know they meant well, and hair loss is such a kick in the teeth, and unless you’ve been through the cancer mill you don’t really know all the many ups and downs of it all.
Eve I hope zapping goes well today, I’m on number 6 of 25. I went with my Dad and step mum yesterday, they had a mini domestic in the waiting area…I’m going on the bus today! I always expect the machine to go “ping” when it’s done, it’s such a disappointment that it doesn’t…
Hello, Eve. I hope you found your way over to the woods and caught one of those sleep fairies. Hooray for finishing the chemo–Rads will be a comparative walk in the park. RevCat’s words of wisdom regarding housecleaning should be hung in a prominent place AND kept dusted for all to see! Katy, tell 'em you don’t do housework anymore, but you’re delighted to see them. One of my friends used to put two or three big bunches of flowers around when she had people over–she said they’d look at the flowers and overlook the dust. My sister, on the other hand, always suggests flinging open the door on their arrival and shrieking–OMG, I just got home and I’ve been robbed! They ransacked the house!
Grumpy a first night sounds exciting and nerve wracking. Have fun and don’t sweat the small stuff. I was knowing what you meant about the hair, Ali, until yesterday, when it decided to start sticking up straight all over. I now look like a shorter-haired version of those Einstein photographs you see, and it is NOT a good look. I think I feel a visit to a hairdresser coming on. They’ve (we’ve?) been having a similar discussion on a thread about Bernie Nolan, about it not just being a little “event”, and now it is over. It is funny how I want to be cured, but I don’t want anyone else to say that. I think I need people to share my sense of the uncertainty principle that is now my life, but I am so aware that there almost ISN’T a right thing for them to say. If they act like I’m ill, when I’m six months out from chemo&rads (still pumping that herceptin till xmas), it pains me no end. On the other hand, if they act like no big deal that makes me even angrier. Can it be that I can’t find the balance in my own mind?
Off for another episode of “hunt the vein”. It would be a comedy, if it weren’t so awful. Break a leg, Grumpy!
(“lumpy bits” is an unfortunately accurate description of my figure these days, RevCat…)
I had managed to forget about the ‘new hair phase’ when all and sundry felt they had the right to touch and stroke my baby hair, to comment on may bald patch (especially the men!) and then to covet my chemo curls. “Don’t get them cut off”, “keep your hair short it’s so much better” blah di blah. Fixed grin worekd well. Best bad comment was from my Mum who, on seeing my chemo curls said, “I always wnated a child with curly hair, now I have one”… so that was alright then! Actually I loved my chemo curls, and now my hair is nearly straight (weighed down by being a few inches long at the top) I almost hanker after them. Then one drop of rain and whoosh, the waves return
All this talk of C*******s… just becuase I’ve had to start work on it doesn’t mean you have to tell me how organised you are! Two years ago I was preparing for it and doing chemo at the same time, this year I have done nothing at all for non-church C stuff. So now you’ve shamed me into it - today is my ‘rest’ day so I shall hit the shops and websites and start perusing. Cards… need about 150 of things. BCC have some nice ones on their website which I got last year. I always like to get charity ones.
Hope zappings go OK today - so they play music in your nuking chamber? In mine they had a compiliation CD on repeat and every single day just as they abandoned me to the rays it started to play “I want to break free…” Comic timing or what?
Oh yes, PS on language - it’s not me you need to worry about it’s the mods! Though since the forum update they seem to have bigger fish to fry that editing naughty words!
I think as well Quail it’s the whole ‘public property’ aspect of it, like I’m not really just me anymore but I’m a Breast Cancer. Oh I don’t know! But I think you’re right with your comment about your own balance, my mind’s all over the place at times and I don’t know what I want. Actually I do, I want to not have cancer. And then I could say " please let’s not talk about it today" wiithout upsetting them. Sometimes I don’t want the world and it’s dog discussing me, I’m a private person and I’d quite like to just get on with it .
Anyway just seen the time, b*gger!!! Sorry RevCat I meant oh dear, rads!!!
Hee hee hee - Ali did you self-edit that (which pushed it out of sequence so it now follows my post) or did the Mods catch you and correct it? It’s a topsy turvy world in BENCHLAND!
Zapping session number 2 went well today.
RevCat, they do play music in the nuking chamber, only I haven’t really been paying attention to it so far. Ali, you’re right, the machine should go ‘ping’ when it’s done. Disappointing that it doesn’t…
Kitchen is still a mess, but as there is nobody else to take care of it but me I will have to tackle it sooner or later. Am ok as long as I am not looking at the state of it, only I am running out of pots and bowl and also out of space to put the dirty dishes. It’s a tiny kitchen after all… Maybe after lunch, sigh…
The baby hair is growing nicely, but very unevenly. I have a nice layer of grey fluff around the sides and back, but sadly nothing yet on top, so that I currently look like an old man. Not very attractive… My parents are the only people who have seen it so far, so nobody is patting and stroking it, thank goodness!
Sleep fairies… hm, I shall be off later to catch one. Any ideas on the best way to do that? Am rather slow moving these days and keep dropping things…
Bit of guilt to throw in the lake here…
No delays in rads today (wow!) so texted son to see if he fancied meeting me in town for lunch. No reply, so another text…still no reply, so a “hmmmph, talking to myself again” text was sent. Get home to find he was making me some millionaires shortbread as a surprise and wanted it to be finished for when I got home, so no time to answer his phone! Bad mother, baaaad mother!
So now we’re waiting for the chocolate to set…it looks delicious!
Oh, Ali, first cursing in Benchland, now badmouthing the perfect son-- but how lovely, I’ll bet one bite will drive all thoughts of guilt out of your head.
They had to call in the Big Guns for my herceptin–the Matron came, gave my pitiful little veins the evil eye, and (after two tries from the others) got it in the first time, no messing. But it took three hours, and after walking home in the rain I’m on the cba bench–completely knackered. I’m feeling a curry for dinner if OH doesn’t want to cook.
Oh Ali…I’m glad your hair has grown nicely…even if people keep patting it…the last time I saw what passes for my “hair” now…was on a wildlife programme featuring little owls and chickens…it’s not even straight anymore…it’s gone all curly and yukkkk!!!..on a lighter note…I have been shopping today with my little grandson…ON MY OWN…da daaa!!!.. it doesn’t sound much but it’s the first time in 12 months I have felt confident enough to go by myself…usually have ED or YD or OH to accompany me…one small step on the road to normality…Eve…I’ll tell you what i always say to anyone who finds themselves with a messy…whatever…the housework police have gone on strike this week so IT’S OK TO HAVE A MESS!!..enjoy a sitdown and put up your feet…you’ve not been well…
Hi Ladies, past few weeks have been hectic! So I have been a lurker, no time to post but keeping au fait with the parTies in benchland. I need a good halloween party to cheer me up. Today has not been a good day, i need to be cheered up. Started this morning on my way to London someone jumped in front of a train near Didcot and then again (obviously not the same person) someone jumped in front of another train in the London suburbs. I feel for the relatives of those poor souls desperate enough to resort to this. Before cancer I would have been upset but because they would have disturbed my day, today I just felt sad for them.
Tonight, we had to cancel ourntrip to New York. I would have loved to go ton the big apple, I am disappointed, but manage to put things in perspective. So many lives have been wrecked by Sandy.
Quail, get yourself a portacath fitted, it will make your life so much easier.
Goodness me Vercors, what a day. Poor, poor families, and poor, poor people who were so desperate. Having lived next to a train driver to whom this happened, and how it affected him, I feel for the two train drivers too. There is nothing I can say, except how deeply sad it is. Awful about hurricane Sandy too.
Now, pull up a bench and help yourself to some of our plentiful supplies of goodies… I *think* we even have some GIN nicked from the JM when the Woodies weren’t looking! Sounds like you could do with some. Big hugs.
Hello, I am on walkabout tonight, patrolling the area with Buggerit and FECKIT sniffing out any sleep fairies and healthy newts. Also looking for the GIN that is missing from the JM bar. Found some rather snappy alligators today - going to leave them alone for now. Might get brave tomorrow and turn them into Alyburgers.
Pumpkins have been carved, sweets are wrapped, full moon last night - bit wobbly again but hope it settles soon.
Heading off back to my tent in the woods. No alligators in there.
Night x
Hugs for you ST. Here - take the GIN back where it belongs, we only had a teeny sip each. Chuck all those negative feelings in the lake, where the alligators can consume them.
I love that we are watched by the all-seeing Woodies! I really ought to pop into the woods sometime soon for a wander and to kick up the leaves. I will come bearing cupcakes as a peace offering!
Now got to go and do some work or my guilt levels will rise
Bestest for all being nuked, and hugs for all who need them
