bonkers. Brilliant, but bonkers…
Just to let you know that the friendly local constabulary are keeping an eye on proceedings…
perhaps someone would care to explain why there are camels parked outside? (illegally I might add)
So now the whole flipping family expect cakes for tea?? Who do they think I am, I’ve got a 7 course dinner to cook, the kitchen maid is having the vapours in the pantry because the footman called her stupid, the dozy parlour maid can’t find her apron and cap, the butler is p###ed again cos he sampled all the bottles he was selecting, and now someone has requested Snackettes for CAMELS!!!
If it wasn’t for my DEEP attachement to His Lordship (suggestive wink) I’d pack my bags and go!!!
a very grumpy Bella
I’ve come to Benchland to sit on the Mad sobbing woman bench but find myself with one buttock there and one on the Ia all alone in the world bench. Went in for my second (other side) SNB and WLE yesterday as a day patient and had a nasty reaction to the dye. Apparently it was unusual and very interesting judging by the number of times I was oggled at by strange medical people. The drugs they gave me to counteract the swelling (I was covered in BLUE german measle rash and lumps) rendered me unconcious. I’ve just come round only to find I’ve missed the auditions!
It looks like Jones the Butler is still up for grabs. That would be just perfect… In fact I’m type cast for it. I walk with a stoop (kn****rd back from lying still under gamma camera on very narrow bench) and a limp (Cannula made foot sore) also, due to ANC one arm and SNB/WLE other, both arms hang down by my side gorilla style. Speech is slurred (due to meds not booze!)
Perfect! M x
Mandy - I DO hope you will be OK now - treatment is enough of an ordeal without things like this happening.
You will be a fantastic Jones the Butler!
Grumpy was thinking of getting over-permed frizzy wig for Bella the Cook - shame now I hadn’t held onto my FEC wig; gave it to a friend to go to a fancy-dress party as Norman Bates’s mother.
Huge hugs Milly Molly, after my own adverse drug reaction last autumn I know how scary it can be. Please take it very easy and let real world people look after you. Hope you feel better soon.
Maud-the-Maid has been table setting for tomorrow…
“spoon, spoon, spoon, knife, thwacking ladle, fork… spoon, spoon, glass (lead crystal, very expensive), flowers, pepper pot, salt pot…; spoon, spoon… you wonder why I stare blankly…aaaaargh, that camel winked at me AGAIN, does he find me attractive?” 
“ooh, what is that hidden under Mr Camel …?”
[goes to investigate… to be continued…]
Just arrived in Benchland to twenty new posts which had me howling with laughter!
Then read yours Mandy, that stopped the laghs quickly. What an awful day you’ve had. I hope you feel much better very soon! Your description of yourself is just Jones the Butler to a T.
These settees/camels are very uncomfortable to sit on, lumps, bumps and humps and they keep on squirming.
Been practising looking like a trophy wife today - put a silver cup on my head and walked around trying to look haughty and upper class. By the way it’s Sir Justin who wants the heir, not me. I have no intention of ruining my perfect figure. Anyway when he pops his clogs I want to inherit the loot myself not share it!!
Just muddying the waters. Did the right person die that night???
This is a suggestion not a confession Inspector Plod!!!
MM so sorry to hear how awful it’s been for you! I promise not to make jokes about Blue Footed Booby bird.
MM so sorry to hear how awful it’s been for you! I promise not to make jokes about Blue Footed Booby bird.
Could be a mis-laid spoon under that camel - he loves to wind you up Maud!
Lucy Tompkin-Parker (FF), other men are SO envious that I’m married to a STUNNINGLY beautiful, platinum blond!
I AM an arrogant, pompous snob, due to my privileged background - but I had a difficult childhood, no maternal love. You remind me of Nanny in a strange way… you take care of me and, these days, ensure I keep the old cigar & whisky consumption down. You’re a good girl, but there’s SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS about you…
Sir Justin T-P
Oh Goodness! I’m supposed to be going swimming - how can I tear myself away? Spluttering with laughter at Maud’s table-setting and at your picture of Jones the butler, MMM, even whilst nearly crying about your awful day!
I’m so lost in this plot - (but then again I lost the plot about this time last year and never really got it back??) Am I dead yet - as Horace? People seem to be talking about me in the past - but we’ve not even had the 1st rehearsal yet! I’m struggling to get into character of both H & H simultaneously.
Must go for that swim… hope I don’t drown laughing - don’t want to add that complication for the plods!
I remind you of NANNY!!! Oh my goodness there’s something very wrong there. I KNOW you had a difficult childhood, you keep telling me over and over and over again!
A good girl? Yes, I do seem to be don’t I? Have you ever asked or wondered about my past…?? Maybe a little more colourful than you thought!
JCJ you can’t be dead we haven’t rehearsed it, but we do seem to have taken this up at a rate of knots. Think “hubby” and and I have a sub-plot running as well.
It occurs to me that IF Henry and what’s-her-face, his wife, did kill Horace then technically I kill myself! I hope our esteemed director doesn’t demand a flashback scene, or I’ll have to pull off a stunning piece of acting! Not that I’m saying I can’t do it dahlings. Of course I can.
Can I go to bed yet? So tired.
Difficult childhood? Apalling childhood is more like it. You think you had it bad with no motherly love. I had no mother at all. I’ve never told anyone this before but my first memories are of hunger and cold and my only friend was Fred.
“I remember the back streets of Naples, two children begging in rags. Both touched with a burning ambition to shake off these lowly born tags” Anyone of my vintage will recognise these words as Peter Sarstetd’s. He wrote my story.
That was me and Fred, We came to England, worked very hard to lose our accents and thanks to my looks and voice I was lucky enought to get the job in the nightclub where I met Sir Justin. Fred is also succesful in his field now , I won’t give him away, we are still in touch. We remember our origins.
Justin, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth at the beginning of our relationship but I’ve always been scared of being thrust back into the poverty that I knew as a child.
I was replying to Jenanne’s post which seems to have disappeared! She/Sir Justin asked if I’d had a difficult childhood?
I have gone totally bonkers now. Managed to hang on to my sanity through the Pantivity and the Icetravaganza but I’ve lost it now with this whodunnit.
Marbles? Lost plots? Lack of spoons? Fraught village meeting? Too much (as if!!!) red wine? Velcro-type left boob?
Can’t cope, going to bed…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
grumpy
Whats-her-face !! Bl**dy cheek Henry ! No need to tell the world how little you think of me *sobs* *sniffs into perfectly pressed lace hanky* (thanks RevCat). I’ve seen how you ogle Justins slapper of a wife, its not on you know… ooops spilt more wine on a camel sofa
Euphemia exits stage left
Where did my sympathy post go for Milly? I was sending you o the Very Soft bench complete with cashmere throws, super soft pillows and a cup of Latte made to Nannabarbs secret recipe.
hugs to all who need them
kay x ( haVed retired my alta ego for the evening)
You too Kay, and Grumpy and MM, so sorry you had a bad day
Barb xxxx
Have retired to the Lost Plottery Shed, as can no longer work out what is Benchland Murder Mystery PLot and what is really going on for Benchies! Am I the only one so bewiildered? It’s not just Maud-the-Maid staring vacantly into space it’s ME!
So, I think I will sit here a while, sort out the marbles according to size and colour, iron a few hankies, top up the spoon dispenser and then head to NEDland where there is plenty to ocucpy me that demands less brain power!!
Hugs for any needing them. Big welcomes to newbies. Waves to lovely lurkers (how do you keep up with these antics?!) and off I go
Morning my dears. Yes Clarissa, weren’t those camels just absolute darlings??? (ooh, a touch of Dame Edna there, wrong character) yes please Bella, snackettes for the camels, Humperdinck is feeling quite peckish, and I don’t want her hump to droop. The vet just doesn’t know how to treat camels, honestly where do these people train??? Pass the sherry dear…
Eustace