JCJ, mayhap the humble friar could’st double-up and play the Lord Herman? Herman is not happieth that Matilda hideth somewhere in the castle when he hath much to attendeth to this nyghte.
Oh swoon… This very night I may be betrothed! How long I have waited for this moment…this man…
Justin : My Lords Herman & Frederic ranteth & raveth! Whither hast Matilda gone? I drinketh too much mead - my Isabella soon wilt be joined to Lord Conrad!
Come Jack, thou jolly fellow, and telleth me some jokes!
Jack: (JOKES) With a hey and a ho, and a hey nonny no!
Why was the knight afraid of a bug? Because it was a dragonfly!
Sire, a knight is killed in battle - what pray is writteth on his tombstone? Rust in peace!
What sayest the dragon when he saweth St. George approach? Oh no! Not more canned food!
What king wast famous for writing a lot of books? King Author!
Why didst King Arthur have a round table? So nobody could corner him!
What dost King Arthur listeneth to every evening at six? The knightly news!
What was Camelot famous for? It’s knight life!
What do you calleth a knight who is afraid to fight? Sir Render.
Tell me Sire, where can’st a hungry warrior go around here to findeth a hot plate of food on a cold, dark night like this? Yea, thou know’st it - the all knight diner!
The bells, the bells! The bells on my cap and on this silly costume, they driveth me mad.
Verily, I hath had enough!
I spyeth the Lord Frederic, with Ye Olde Mappe in hand. He descendeth to the cellars!
I capereth here, I capereth there - methinks I shalt just caper after my lord down this stair!
Act 1 The Morning After the Banquet the Night Before!
(Act 2, Monday evening. Act 3, on Tuesday)
The banquet was magnificent! Lady Agatha playeth most splendidly on the harpsichord and the servants did prepareth & provideth wondrous sustenance to ye assembled company. Beatrix the cook didst find Ye Treasure Mappe on the scullery floor. But the nyghte did end in direst fashion!
A great statue did fall on Lord Conrad AND Lord Frederic was discovered murdered in the cellar. Whodunneth-it???
As Lord Herman (not to be confused with the Friar - who is virtually a HERMIT! BOOM BOOM! Sorry, showing my age?): whence did that yoing wench disappeareth last evening? I’ll be damnedeth if it was not she behind the statue falling on my Conrad! To the devil with her.
As Friar: calmeth yourself, my Lord, for t’was just an act of God.
Lord H: God??!! Be damnedeth!
(Friar shuffleth off in sandals & high dudgeon)
As JCJ: It’s just as well ‘Latest Posts’ is no longer quite so prominent. Newly dx people stumbling across this will fear what BC will do to their ability to speak! They will wonder if they misheard, and actually have brETHt cancer?? :smileytongue:
What’eth?? Who’eth?? Where’eth??
Drank’eth sooooo much’eth of the olde mead to drown out my husband’s jesting, have missed all the commotion’eth…
Pssssst warning’eth Do not’eth stand’eth near’eth a Statue…xx
Jack : Forsooth, t’was a ghastly syghte…my Lord Frederic piercedeth through the heart with an arrow!
My Lord Herman shaketh me upside down but findeth not Ye Treasure Mappe! I sweareth I commiteth not such foul deeds as hath occureth!!
Justin:
Matilda & young Tristan do offereth condolences. I too am gladdeth, er, saddeth that Conrad is no more -
I hasten to Isabella’s chamber to offereth comfort!
Lord Herman still ranteth! Methinks 'tis more to do with ye Treasure and Missing Mappe. Methinks Lord Frederic didst search in dark and secret places and mayhap did’st drop said document!
I did’st not commit the nyghte’s foul deeds. Much mead did’st cause me to falleth asleep in the presence of all!
Oh I just kneweth that moste dreadfulle things woulde occur. The omens have ere been againste me since I hearde ye wailing yester eve. Oh my son, my son! (Weeps and wails but quickly recovers). Whatever wille my lord Herman and I do, noweth that we cans’t benefit from the Ladye Isabella’s dowry??
A curse? A curse? Morweena doth witter on aboute a curse.
Bringeth more mead!! I knoweth not what I am to do. More mead!!
Ladye Agatha knowest not whether she cometh or goeth! T’will be the latter, I fear!
Ye Olde Prophesy do say the de Wynter line is cursed. Cursed!!!
Thus the real owner hath returned and walketh amongst us.
Morwenna and the Friar needs asketh thee, this very nyghte, thine where-eth abouts. Mayhap of things espied?
Such poor wit hath Lord Herman, to find the confidence of the kind that abandons manliness and leads to leisurely boasting, methinks if they could see the danger in him and if he would not pursue the ladies, how quickly that would cause great joy and change of spirit in thine castle. He is indeed a man who honours no oath!
Do as thou wilt??? Perchance?
Whither is the privy? and the barrel of the olde mead? xx
Being a monk of few words: Where wereth thou yesterday e’en’ and haveth thou any proof? Alibies will be requireth and checked.
Yon detective investigation is thirsty work. Whence is the wench with the mead??
Who sayeth I am not manly? Let them come hither and proclaim it to mine visage. I shall showeth them manly! And the business end of mine fist! Harumph!!
I cannot say’eth who utters the words Lord Herman, have’est another of the beakers of the delicious mead, in fact just thou have the whole barrel!
:smileyvery-happy:,:smileyvery-happy:!
Ah mead. Mead, I say! More mead! (Aside: ha ha “mead I say more”?)Deliciousness. Delishoshnesh. Delishyishy. Wheresh mine legsh? Shhhhhure I had them heraboutsh somewheresh. Who shtole mine legsh? Give me back mine legsh! Harumph! (crashes to the floor in an inebriated heap)
I sayest thou art NOT manly! Lord Herman now, but not much longereth. Fie on thee! Thou did’st chaseth my Lady Isabella in corridors dank and drear. Blaggard! Thou hearest not, in drunken stupour - I shalt throw down the gauntlet when I a knyghte am made!!
Act Two:
Wherein Morwenna the Wise and ye goode Friar do endeavour to findeth the truth!
Conrad, Isabella’s fiancee is no more - who did’st see the statue toppleth on him?
Jack the Jester did’st find the body of Isabella’s father, the Lord Frederic - an arrow in his heart!
Who did’st plan this foulest of deeds? Who did’st noticeth things afoot? The castle inhabitants do giveth account.
The de Wynters are cursed, their line endeth. Who is the real heir to the Castle of Bench?
I proclaimeth that I knoweth nothynge of the deaths. Verrily, t’is fact that when the statue toppled I stille resteth in mine chamber both tiredeth and dispiritede over yon betrothal and the neede to decideth between a greene or a red gown. Upon hearynge the commotion I made haste down the East Tower steppes into ye Great Hall and learned thus that my son and Lord Frederick were dead.
Lord Herman, why art thou lyinge on ye cold rushes? Ah, I see, drunk again. T’is always his answer. Never can he be relied upon. Excepte for chasing ye wenches. Sorrye, Friar Jerome but you wills’t get no sense from hym until the morrow.
Morweena sayeth that the map is (whisper in old crone type voice) has been hideth in the secret place guarded by the Snotty Four Legged Beastie… who sleepeth in the cave (cupboard under the stairs) BUT waketh with ferocious snarling if disturbed.
Curses willeth be chanted over any peasants and nobility who speaketh not the truth - hair will falleth out, vicious waves will shineth on you, joints will acheth, lumps will be cutteth off your body and you will sinketh into a state of idiocy.
Why is no-ONE terrified???
Alack and alas, for I am undone (again!) And this time it’s not My Lord Frederick who has undone me, it’s the bounder, cur, cad… fie there are no words for the dastardly man who killed my wonderful Frederick…
I can scarely lift my head…
(five minutes later)
but if I catch the person, he’ll rue the day he was born…