oh grumpy, yuck yuck yuck, rotting seagull, not good at all!!!
No guilt, throw it all away into that big lake, remember and wear lifebelt or have a bungee cord attached, do not want you falling in…
You are allowed to rant as much as you like and tears are ok too, lots of hugs to you xx
Hi Grumpy… Lopsided is the new normal!! I have scars on my face from a car crash as a teenager. Only one eyebrow works… I had plastic surgery, whch improved things, but afterwards the new scar was livid and red and angry and (age 16) I was SOO self-conscious. One afternoon I was dressed up for something, looked in the mirror and burst into tears cause I looked so horrible. That afternoon I met the first person I ever fell in love with (and vice versa for a while)… Never worried about my face again! What’s inside us is MUCH more important… Oh dear, perhaps I should create a ‘self-righteous’ bench in the corner somewhere - didn’t mean that to sound s-r…sorry… Ranting is definitely allowed/encouraged…
No Rotting Seagulls in Benchland I hope!!!
I’m off to the SlightlyAnxious bench - off to GP to get a “Ring” insterted somewhere dark…
Jane xx
WARNING, RED ALERT! buzzzzz, alarms bells ringing!!
Jane do not accept any dvd/video either by post or in person. Do not stand too near any TV, if you see any strange looking girl with long straggly hair and skin so very pale, RUN, be careful out there…
Hope you get on fine! xx
Thanks for the encouragement ladies - am now off the Feeling Sorry for Myself bench, and moved to the Slightly Harrassed bench - got clinic appt at 5pm today for the Lower Down Lady Bits.
It never stops!!!
Got a book ordered called the Boudicca Within - photos of ladies after surgery looking naked, gorgeous and proud, so I will tell you all about it asap.
grumpy
ps Barley Brown chucked up in the night - serves her right for eating rotting seagull for Sunday lunch.
Grumpy hope you get on okay with today’s appointment. One of the ladies who used to be on the site named the lower down bits her “lady garden”. I think it is a great name and have adopted the name ever since! Miss you DebsinCornwall.
I have also (in the past) thought about having my boobs evened up but after talking it over with my OH decided to leave well alone. I have learned to live with it. But this is your life and it may concern you more than me. But I would think long and hard and discuss it with your breast cancer team as well as your nearest and dearest. I know many ladies have gone ahead with an op to balance things out and are happy with the results. Maybe someone else will comment on your question…you are NOT moaning…this is the very place to discuss such things.
I had the house to myself today which was lovely. My OH and I are with each other 24/7 but it is so good to be in the house and have some silence, or Loose Women! and diddle about doing as I please. I have successfully completed quite a few chores so am going to have a rest on the “smug bench” and take in the view and hopefully have a chat with someone who wants a blether! Love Val
Grumpy, I hope your Lower Down Ladies Bits are OK… mine are VERY much better with the ring in place, so I’m sitting on the Highly Relieved bench… I appreciate my OH, but likewise really enjoy rare moments of time on my own… It’s the fact that they’re rare that makes them a treat - when I lived on my own, it was different! Hope everyone’s OK, and no-one’s drowning in the lake of guilt…
Jane xx
Hi am sitting on the bench tonight because I got my results to day and although the news was good that it wasn’t in the lymph nodes, I stil have a disition to make . When they took the margin from around the tumour it had some non invasive cells. Now they had a meeting about me last week with my surgeon not being able to attend, they decided that I should have a mastectomy, but my surgeon who I saw today wants to have another meeting with them all again this Wednesday, and he thinks he may do another sweep to see if the margins are clear. Its so much to take in good news and then that, I am 48 and just wondered what anyone else thought I should do, I don’t know if I really want a mastectomy, or wether I should just have the smaller op and see what the results will be. So with good news always comes a it of bad, any thoughts will be appreciated.
Thanks
Jane x
Update from the Lady Garden - it’s going to be OK, altho Botox jabs in nether regions was mentioned for if it gets worse! If some bloke thinks I’m going to allow him to inject a muscle poison ANYWHERE, he can get on his bike (mutter mutter mutter)
so now I’m on the Sorted and Relieved bench.
Jane I don’t know what I would do in your situation, altho I suspect I would want to keep as much as possible, perhaps if you find out what reconstruction would be available that would help you to make a decision.
scottishlass - the difficulty is that for 2 yrs I was reassured that the reduction op would be possible if difficult due to radiotherapy, then BANG got a big No-no… felt awful. However onc will consider a tweak to resite nipple or lipofill to the smaller side, but I’m not thinking about it until I can be ‘sensible’ about my current appearance. I don’t have to consider a partner (or future partner…) it is just for me. Hopefully the book I’ve got on order will help, and I like the idea that lopsided is the new normal GIJane - well it must be with all us ladies having BC treatment.
The real insult today was car springing an oil leak just as I was setting off for the hosp, AND THE ONLY BUS HAD JUST LEFT THE VILLAGE!!! So mad ring round friends to get a lift, and call to garage to book car in tomorrow.
onwards and upwards as they say
grumpy (and harrassed again)
Jane48, there are conflicting emotions/thoughts around aren’t there? They are not allowed to suggest treatment without discussing all the aspects in a Multi-Disciplinary meeting - so, the ultrasound folk, surgeon, oncologist, breast care nurses etc etc… Between them they should agree on the best probable course of action and then give you the choices (if any). I was offered a lumpectomy and node clearance, with the possibilitly of needing a mastectomy afterwards if they didn’t like what they found. I CHOSE to have an MX straight off, to reduce my risk. I was glad I had, cause the lady oposite me was on her 2nd or 3rd op (can’t remember now which) and because they were cutting into scar tissue for her eventual MX, it was so much more painful than mine. BUT… you may never need an MX…I am almost ten years older than you… and only you know how you feel. Have to wait and see what they say after the next MDT on Wednesday… It may be worth chatting it over with your Breast Care Nurse too - she’ll probably have more time and be able to explain pros/cons/implications…
Grumpy (and harrassed) - you’re not supposed to CHASE the bus out of the village!!! Glad the nether regions are going to be OK…
off to the weary bench now… love Jane
I’m afraid I’ve been on the CSL bench today (Crazy Sobbing Lady for the newcomers). I’ve been trying to sort out arranging for my hubby to be home with me for the first week after chemo ( he works away from home Mon -Thurs, working for my brother) as I have 3 more cycles to go but have reached a point where I feel too tired & ill to look after myself properly anymore ( we have no children & no family nearby). Hubby was hoping he could just do some work from home during that week but my brother has today said he is to take those weeks as holiday. He has next week off as holiday as it’s our wedding anniversary do taking 3 more weeks to look after me will mean we can’t have any holiday for the rest of the year plus I need to have 3 weeks of daily rads in a hospital that is an hours drive away & am not sure if I can manage to drive myself for the entire duration of the treatment. I know he has a business to run but I though he would be more supportive. I’ve managed to be self sufficient so far but as the effects of the chemo accumulate I’ve had to hold my hand up & say self sufficiency has almost reached the end of the line. I’m still waiting for my brother to visit. He said he’d come up after my MX in Jan but I’m still waiting. Maybe he doesn’t get it because I sound ok on the phone. I’m devastated by his lack of understanding & support. It’s bloody hard for me being alone all the time. I’ve done well to cope so far but need help now. I’m terribly upset. I used to think we were close but now I feel I’ve lost him & frankly I don’t want anything to do with him anymore which is very sad. Hubby will look to funding some work back up here when he comes back at the end of the week. Just having him home each night will enable me to cope with the rest of the treatment but am sad it’s come to this.
Twinky
Aaah Twinky, maybe your brother just doesn’t understand exactly what you and OH are going through, perhaps if you are like so many others our favourite words seem to be “I’m fine” even when you feel really bad. Speak to him and tell all the things that are happening to you and how awful you feel etc, he may have a true understanding then and be more lenient with your OH and time off. It is disappointing when you feel let down hopefully if you can tell him the truth about your bc and how it effects your daily life and you need your OH for support he will see some sense fingers crossed for you, have just made some soup, come on over and have some xx
Some good news I found a dent near my armpit in good breast, saw surgeon who reassured my worries and said I would have a scan. Had scan yesterday lymph node and fatty tissue, yippeeeeeee!!
Just waiting for my bone scan now, if that comes back fine will be able to say I’m N**, don’t want to jinx it, so am getting nearer that “free” bench as long as the alligators don’t get me! xx
I feel for you Twinky! Katytc is right, 'though: your brother may not realise just how difficult it is for you and OH. Perhaps if you talk to him, and maybe even offer to meet him half way - have HALF of the time as holiday the rest as compassionate leave you might shame him into doing the decent thing? A subtle reminder that you and OH would support him if it was HIM or HIS wife needing help wouldn’t go amiss either. Bit of Karma??
I hope you sort something out. Don’t struggle on alone. Shout ‘help’ to friends and neighbours too if necessary?
My second ‘zapping’ went OK today. Actually in LESS discomfort this time. Decided to wear bra until it’s too uncomfortable because the M&S ‘support’ vest I wore yesterday, didn’t support, was actually only 25% cotton not the ‘cotton rich’ it claimed to be and chafed something rotten! 
Comfy cotton M&S total support bra much better - especially with the elastic extenders to make it a wee bit looser for the duration! 
Well Ladies, enough is enough…
Decided to get the seeds and seed potatoes in the veg plot (small) since it was a lovely morning
And then of course the rain p***** down and I got soaked through, muddy and VERY cross, and had to retreat into the house
And then Barley threw up again - rotting seagull scenario - AND I STEPPED IN IT
So that’s it, I’m having an evening on the Sod Off bench
But the good news is a friend who had brain surgery is ‘clear’ and will make a full recovery - HURRAY FOR DEBS.
grumpy
Grumpy there is a yellow bio-hazard bin over there ----> for your rotting seagull and dog-vomit. Please double wrap it using the bags provided and put in the bin, then use the ultra gentle but ultra effective hand sanitiser with a subtle scent of your faovurite perfume which is on the stand next to it.
Way too many alligators in here at the moment, so I have baited all the traps/pits with extra loud alarm clocks (yes, I know, that’s crocdiles).
Let me know if any jobs are needed to tidy/stock Benchland in the next day or so as ‘real life’ is very busy in a good way - conference in London May BH w/e and then a real holiday to Hungary a week or so later - so I won’t be passing this way so often or indeed, at all, for while.
last of the post Easter chocs are in the shed next to the transmat beam and the spoon dispenser - enjoy!
I’m on the sulking bench. Feel really stupid but an really hating being temporarily replaced in my band. I just miss playing with them so much. I didn’t know I would feel this bad about it. It was the right & sensible thing to do as ir’s pretty exhausting when I’m feeling well but boy it’s really knocking me & making me feel low. Roll on the end of treatment. I want to be the mad grinning woman on bass again…
Twinky
I wish this page had a like button. Coz I would “LIKE” your post Twinky.
It would also be interesting to see how many people actually read our posts.
I wonder if the TEAM woud consider doing it. Has anyone asked? Val
Twinky. Hold on in there, we are sooooo on your waveband. This wretched disease has so much we can blame it for…but come to the huggle bench and let it all out. We are listening!!!
Ps we all expect to see you in top form when you get back to the band!!!
Cackles
Twinky. I felt the same about someone else doing MY job - but I bet your replacement isn’t half as good as you either!
Come and grin madly and play your bass in Benchland for an appreciative audience who won’t let you tire yourself out too much! Chris x
Ladies
on the Irritatingly Smug bench today - my name was in the local newspaper review of our Am Dram production as ‘promising newcomer’ and ‘new author of a 5 minute drama’.
yippee!!!
drama production for Benchland soon - any requests???
RevCat - thanks for the yellow bags and perfumed handwash, now I am all delicately scented.
take care everyone
grumpy (but smug…)
Can we access it Grumpy?