stopping rads

[Vaneysha]

I know this isn’t the best place to ask a question like this and I will be speaking to my radiotherapy team tomorrow, and probably calling the Macmillan line tomorrow before my appointment as well (although I’m really rubbish on the phone so might bail out).

I’m 7…or 8…I’ve lost count… of 15 sessions of breast radiotherapy in. I already have a lot of pain, swelling, redness etc and severe fatigue. I’m honestly done. I don’t want any more. I still have almost two more weeks of this to go, in total, and I know the pain and reactions peak two weeks after treatment finishes. I can’t handle any more. I struggled badly through chemo, I’m struggling with herceptin, my anxiety is at its limit. I have no emotional support. I didn’t really before covid and I certainly don’t now.

I’m petrified of the permanent changes in size, colour, shape, skin. I feel like if I stop now then I reduce those chances. Is some radiotherapy better than none? I felt like I was forced into even having it in the first place through fear, same as the chemo, I never wanted it at all, and I find myself already struggling with the very things I was told were going to be “mild”, “not as bad as chemo”, “if you can get through chemo you’ll find rads a breeze”. I didn’t even make it through all of chemo, they stopped it early. I’m not finding rads a breeze. I’m really scared of what is going to happen to my appearance. I’m 33 and it genuinely bothers me.

Is stopping early a bad idea?

I feel like they’re going to roll their eyes at me tomorrow and dismiss my concerns because I did the same thing after one session of chemotherapy - I came in the next week, said I didn’t want any more, there was some vague encouragement for me to carry on which I refused and then the next day I freaked out and asked to resume it.

I went in to my radiotherapy session today wanting to talk to them about stopping but felt stupid so just went along with it, cried throughout the procedure and then got out of there. Since coming home I’ve felt even more sure that I want to stop.

Sorry. I know I’ve written a lot. I know no one can really give me an answer and I need to speak to an expert. Just after any support really. My mental health is in the toilet and I’m in pain and just really scared. I don’t want the cancer to come back but I just can’t handle any more of this. 

[Jill1998]

I found rads very challenging ,the sessions made me feel incredibly vulnerable and abandoned to dwell on my situation every time the technicians left the room .I was also exhausted by session 10

.Increasing the amount of water I drank made a big difference to my fatigue and mood -rads make you very dehydrated .I also had a very red boob after just 3 seasons and ended with broken skin and a very sore boob - it was miserable but it cleared up very quickly after my last session and although my boob looked a bit suntanned for a while afterwards I can’t say it affected the appearance in any other way once the skin had healed .Its understandable that you are exhausted after all the treatment you’ve had .Rads are not " a breeze " for a lot of us - they can be the last straw - but you are nearly there - each session is a step closer to moving forward and starting to heal.Talk to your team you will not be the first person to feel this way by any means. Jill x

[Jaybro]

Hi Vaneysha 

I can’t think of any other disease where the treatment makes you feel worse than the actual disease! A lot of women suffer badly through radiotherapy (for me, it was chemo - I was a zombie AND I got neutropoenic sepsis). I just wanted to say that my oncologist told me part-way through chemo when I was really struggling, that a lot of oncologists aren’t fully convinced by the evidence for chemo (great) but that the evidence that radiotherapy works - makes a significant contribution to preventing the recurrence of breast cancer - is incontrovertible. Bear it in mind when you decide. 

My GP put me on Gabapentin to help with the (delayed) pain from radiotherapy and then pregabalin, less effective on the pain but good for anxiety. It’s worth asking the hospital what pain relief they recommend and hope they don’t say paracetamol. If they do, get onto your GP urgently. As for emotional support, it’s tough right now because the support services aren’t available because of the pandemic but, again, your GP should be able to help. Mine did once they understood just how awful I felt.

In the end, it’s your body and your choice. You know how much more you can take and counting the days is pointless when you know radiotherapy continues to work for weeks after. However, try to make an informed choice rather than an emotional one. Best of luck xx