Hello
This is probably the wrong message area to say this but, hoping others with secondaries may offer some advice…I have 2 stepdaughters age 18 and 20, both very young 18-20yr olds who have had a rough upbringin in usa with their mum who is bipolar.
They both recently came to live with me and their dad, (20 yr been with us 2 years and the 18yr old 6 months).
They both have major social problems, have no friends (apart from fiction facebook ones!) struggle at college with their lecturers, rude to most people they meet, never go out, demand everythin ‘i need’ ‘you will take me’ etc absolutlely no manners even tho I try my hardest to make them say please can i,i would like, etc but to no avail, and if i say the slightest thing to help them i am critising them and being a b*t*h.
According to the youngest I am a b*t*h and hates livin with HER (me) and the other one says i am snobish, spiteful and horrible!
I am a really kind, bubbly person who does everythin for anyone else and goes out of my way to see that others are happy! thinkin of me second. I have too many friends! cant keep up with them all at times! I never winge about my health and carry on with daily routine, work 4days, as normal despite havin issues myself. So i find the comments extremely distressing and sad that these 2 girls can think of me like that.
Anyway, the latest argument last night led me to have a panic attack (never had one before in my life) i assume it was i couldn breathe and collapsed and gasping for air for about 5 minutes? all because the older one announced at dinner table, to her dad, ‘you owe me £8.40 for a pair of shoes for her sister and bus fare’ i chipped in cheerily half laughin said thats fine as you owe us £15 so thats quits then! and with that she hurls abuse at me sayin ‘i was gona pay you when i got my tax back from work’ which she hadnt said before, anywya with that her dad stormed off sayin im fed up with this, and went off in a strop. I was only replyin to her conversation but she didnt take it well, she then started b*tchin about me at the dinner table so i got up and left sat in the front room where her dad said ‘why did you have to say that?’ i said i was just statin a fact? nothin more nothin more meant by it?!
anywya we then go on to hav a blazing row, and i said its ruinin my health and causing me stress and having problems breathin! he said well leave then, but dont expect me to come runnin after you. i was exhausted and collapsed and then had to sleep.
he has since apologised but what do i do??? we are supposed to be getting married in july, deposit payed and stuff paid out for.
what a mess. my life feels like ive made a big mistake. i dont think i am ever goin to get on with his kids, do i stay and ignore them? and live in a miserable house? or do i leave and be miserable alone? as i couldn bear another relationship now as think my secondaries are worse - waitin for scan results - hav problems with my breathing which is scaring me. but if i live alone and my secondaries are worse i will want help being looked after!
what do you think? i love my partner just dont get on with his girls and he cant seem to control them and its very much them 3 against me. Noone understands how hard it is for me bein a stepparent, and noone ever considers my health as I never winge so they think im fine!
Be grateful for your comments.
Thanks