My three and a half year old has been showing signs of stress… how can I help him? We are open and answer any questions he has but he is scared for every time I go to hospital…he keeps asking if I am coming home the same day… this is too awful… poor little boy. My one and a half year old hasn’t left my side since I came home from hospital and alll in all the family just cannot take much more stress. Sorry I am so whingy just lately… it is getting to me.
oh Boo, they are just so little, and this must be all very strange for them right now. All you can do is love them, reassure them that Mummy loves them and focus on them. The floors and dusting and ironing can wait, they will be there tomorrow! But, they will get through this, so will you. hugs
At two, my eldest used to throw herself on the settee and howl for hours when her Daddy went away, and, being in the army he was away frequently. It broke my heart to see her like this, but we came through. I just spent as much time with her as I could.
they’ll get through, and so will you
hugs
x x x
Hi Boo
Like Quisie’s little one I used to throw myself on the the bed and cry for ages and feel sick because my Dad went away frequently as he was in the army. Sometimes for 6 months at a time. Like her little girl I pulled through and came out OK in the end… It’s so worrying when your children are stressed. Ask my Mum!
All I can do is offer my support and hope that all will be well with your children.
Cecelia. x
Cecelia. x
Hi BabyBoo
Breast Cancer Care have a publication on, Talking with your children about breast cancer, there is a section for under fives that you may find helpful. The publication can be downloaded via the website at breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/talking_with_children_0.pdf or by calling the helpline on 0808 800 6000.
Kind Regards
Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Hi Babyboo
I too am worried about my daughter, as no idea on how she feels. She knows mummy is poorly and pretends to make me better, and whenever I have an appointment she thinks I am going for a long time, even when I am popping to docs or onc. Bless her. It is so hard to know how they are coping. My little one is only 11 months, so he doesn’t really know, just gets farmed out every time I need to go for chemo or have appointments.
Don’t really know if we are coping properly with it all, as they are so young and how do you know if they understand or what they really understand.
And you are not whingy, just worrying like we all do. Take care of yourself Boo and your babies too.
Lots of Love
Dawn
x
I’ve found it much harder to comfort and explain things to my 3 yr old son (now just turned 4) than to my 7 yr old. I thought it would be the other way around.
I think that a large part of the problem is that a 3 yr old doesn’t have much concept of how long a few weeks or a few months is. My little boy started saying things to other people like “mummy isn’t getting better” and “mummy’s been poorly for a long time”. Because we’d reassured him that I would get better, he didn’t seeing that happening because more than about two weeks seems like forever to them. Now that I’m on the chemo, I’ve sat him down and said that mummy’s poorly bits (the scars) ARE better and that mummy’s just tired now. We’re now avoiding using words like ill or poorly. I’ve found it helpful to keep analysing the situation and plan out the exact words and phrases I should use to explain particular things then wait for a suitable opportunity to say it.
Also, some words get confused. He thought “treatment” was something to do with “treats”!! We had to go back to using the word “medicine” but emphasising that it’s a special type of medicine just for mummy so that he isn’t expecting his hair to fall out the next time we give him Calpol.
He often says to me “Mummy, I love you and I’m going to look after you” which warms my heart. And when I told him that my hair was going to come out, he looked really sad and just said “Poor Mummy” with such compassion in his voice. (My 7 yr old fell about laughing when I first told him…he didn’t know how he was expected to react.)
I think we’re slowly winning the battle though with keeping talking about it (but not too much) and trying to understand it from their point of view, trying to explain things to them without burdening them with an adult understanding of things. No-one knows your kids better than yourself.
Nicola
hi nicola
these posts make me cry. my seven year old seems to be handling it so well but i think she must wonder where her mum has gone. just feel so tired and so out of it. so totally useless. it makes me so sad that these little ones can’t be spared this. this is their childhood and they don’t deserve it. hopefully, though they will somehow learn to take it in their stride. that’s what we have to hope for isn’t it?
jo
xxx
When I told my six and four year olds that mummy has to take some funny medicine that will make her hair fall out, but it will grow back, the older one looked horrified. Then he cried and said he was worried that another mummy might take him home from school as he might not recognise me at the school gate. It broke my heart. However the next morning he ran into my bedroom and asked ’ have you taken your bald medicine yet? '. They are delighted with my wig and variety of hats, although are under threat of not getting a Wii for Christmas if they try and pull off mummy’s wig or scarf when we are out!