Hi All,


I have been going through a rough time with elderly father’s medical issues/ever increasing reliance on me , partner on verge of losing business and also trying to bring up a beloved 6 year old son.  I get really stressed sometimes, and I know it sounds stupid, but I was wondering if other people felt guilty, like me, about losing their cool, despite having tried mindfulness and self-care techniques.  I had BC last year and finished active treatment at the end of July, but now feel so upset and ungrateful every time I allow myself to get stressed, which I seem too stupid to avoid doing.  I can’t seem to take a step back.  I was wondering if counselling would help.


Sorry for the “venting”.

Thank you.



Hi Louise, you have so much going on in your life at the moment, and so much to cope with. It is still early days since your BC last year and sometimes it takes time for the reaction to come out. We all deal with stress differently, and it sounds as if you have tried some things to help yourself. Counselling may well be the next stage for you to help your through everything. I wish you the best, and know that things will get better. Take great care and try not to beat yourself up.

Hi Louise,


I think often we are so focused on getting through active treatment, then back to work and new normal, that often it can take a long time until what we fully realise the magnitude of what happened and what we have been through! And that’s not to mention Tamoxifen or any of the other bc med’s that many of us take on an ongoing basis which shouldn’t be overlooked. Setting this in context Tamoxifen is actually listed as chemo-prevention on the NICE guidelines, so a bit more than many of us sometimes may think!


It sounds like your reaction is perfectly natural with your father being unwell and partner’s business stresses. I can only suggest making some time for yourself to hurl yourself into whatever you find distracting/relaxing (for me it’s gardening even if I feel totally arghhh!), mindfulness, chatting to a friend who you can share humour with even when things are tough…


It does get easier as time passes beyond active treatment…don’t beat yourself up, you’ve been through a lot and life is continuing to sling stressful events in your direction. Is your partner getting any independent advice on the business issues?


Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Counselling may be worth a try. It sounds like your partner may also want to consider it if s/he’s under a lot of stress.


Sending hugs

Seabreeze xxx