Struggling a bit today ??

Hi - went to GP two days ago about lump on left breast (have done earlier post re.) Was doing okish but has a bad night, I wish I could just empty my head - I feel so silly, the lumpis probably nothing to worry about, especially compared to what some of you ladies have been through on here, but I keep thinking about what if ??? I have three little girls under 6, youngest one is 11 months and I feel heavy with the responsibility, my husband is in the RAF and though a true diamond is a very practical man and in his words “not very good at the emotional stuff” he has seen people with legs blown off etc so my situation is very trivial in comparison… I just wasn’t prepared for how rubbish I would feel both physical and emotionally - I feel like I have aged 30 years in last few days and I haven’t even had the appointment through yet? I have got so many things on in next couple of weeks with regard to playgroup rota, husband going away etc and I am thinking would I have time to squeeze an appointment in - I have been advised I will probably have triple assessment - and I am thinking shall I just pospone until I have more time and my husband is around and I can get help with childcare - (not sure it is a great idea to take a baby and toddler to the appointment). Then the other half of me just wants to get the appointment through and get on with it? I am starting to annoy myself and thinking why I am being such a drama queen, this is an everyday thing that loadsa women go through - why have I the right to feel so vulnerable, scared and drained? I don’t know what point I am trying to make really, but I am feeling rubbish and then feeling annoyed with myself for feeling like this and cross for “indulging myself in self-pity” when I don’t actually l know anything yet! Especially when I read about all your journeys and realise what you have been through and how amazing you are. This is such a weird place to be - and I find myself not settled in one particular mind set which is frustrating - I just wanted to share with you, thank you if you do take the time to read this.
Sarah x

Oh Sarah you most certainly are not being a drama queen - and although unfortunately many women have to go through this horrible waiting period, I doubt many find it any easier than you do. You’ve got a huge amount on your plate - it’s not surprising you are struggling with it. And the nights are the worst - even if you keep busy all day, at night it’s just you and your thoughts. I am struggling to sleep at the moment - I am having problems with my neck and shoulder (unrelated to bc), but every time I wake up through the discomfort the bc is there in the back of my mind. Just one practical tip - I find sleeping with the radio on helps, it gives the mind something else to focus on and I find I can then drift off back to sleep.

It must be so difficult with 3 small children, but I would try to resist delaying the appointment if you can. Is there someone else that can go with you and maybe a friend that could watch the children for a few hours?

You are not indulging in self-pity - we all think about the “what ifs”, and then convince ourselves the worst case scenario is going to come true. I hope having typed out your feelings it has helped a little - this place is great therapy.

Good luck - do let us know how you get on.

finty xx

Hi Sarah

I think what you are feeling is perfectly reasonable and you are not being a drama queen. You are in limbo. On one hand you know you might have nothing to worry about and on the other hand something scary might be around the corner. You also already have a lot to deal with. Please do not delay your appointment. If it turns out to be nothing then the quicker you find out the quicker you can get on with your life. If it is something that needs treating then you can start to work with your medical team and plan how to treat it. Both of those situations are preferable to anxiety, which is exhausting in it’s self and possibly carrying a tumour around. Please remember that most lumps turn out to be innocent, but only a specialist can give you that reassurance.

Keep posting how you feel. Especially if your husband finds these things hard. Take care of yourself. Dx

Hi Sarah, I haven’t anything new to add but just to say you are not being over dramatic. You have a lot on your plate just now but I think going for your appointment should be number one on your list. We will be here to support you through it all so do not feel alone. You are doing fine. Just take one day at a time…you will get through this. Much love and hugs, Val

Hi Sarah, sorry that you find yourself here. I also suggest that you don’t delay the appointment; nothing is more important than your health. Could you also talk to a couple of friends? They might be able to take some of the extra things off you for a while, and provide emotional support -you’re feeling tired, a bit stressed, iritable?? Yes?? If nothing else, it will raise breast awareness with your girlfriends which can only be a good thing. Keep positive and know that if/once you are on the nhs treadmill that’s one day, everyday to recovery. Clare x

Dear Sarah

You are not being a drama queen, it is a worrying time and will be on your mind until you have been to your appointment. Isn’t there anyone who could go with you or help look after your children.

Don’t delay your appointment will you and let us know how you got on.
thinking of you xxSarniexx

Thanks ladies - what stars you are - feeling a bit better now - hubby off nightshift so first night together, which makes it all a bit easier - had a wobbly moment today, Just as I was leaving to do school run the clinic rang and said they had a cancellation for wednesday at 1.45pm, so after a bit of jigging childcare duties etc in my mind accepted it. I then went School whereupon my 5 year old girl Esther came running out to tell me she had got an award to be preented in School Assembly on - you guessed it - Wednesday PM, one of the other Mums said “well done you must be so proud”, basically to cut a long story short she asked me if I was going to go and I ended up explaining I had hospital Apt (telling her what it was for) as I didn’t want to come across as a bad mum. The other mum was lovely, but on the way home I found myself with tears in my eyes, with pride for my daughter but guilt for how I couldn’t be there on her proud moment - I was really upset at home and ending up crying. I called my mum to say I was cancelling Apt and she said she didn’t think that was a good idea… Anyway we are in process of sorting who is going to School Assmebly, who is staying with my other two and who if anyone is coming with me. A question ladies - I feel quite happy to go on my own, you have been through this, would you say it is okay to go on your own? My husband and Mum think it is important someone goes with me. I am sure it will just be an ultrasound, thumbs up and then home and it just seems so unfair to drag people out of work, mess up people’s schedule all for that! I am pleased the Apt has come through quickly, I am just really upset I will not see my daughter get her award - isn’t that sod’s law !!!
Sarah x

Hi Sarah,

I just logged on to look at your other thread to see how you are doing, but found you here. Am so sorry you are going through this. As the others have said, you are not being a drama queen at all…what you are feeling is perfectly normal. You have such alot on your plate at the moment. You said on the other thread that you have only told a few people and they were either not sure what to say or dismissive, and I think that can be really difficult. People who haven’t gone through what you are going through find it hard to know what to do/say to help, and that often translates to not wanting to talk about it so that you don’t “dwell on it” and to keep you positive etc. What I found is that people want to help but often don’t know how in terms of what to do or say. So I would suggest maybe being specific with things that they could do in terms of asking for help with child care, or asking one of your friends to go with you to the appt? In my experience good friends will only be too keen to help, just need a pointer on how to do it. Try and be honest with them if you can about how you are feeling, and I am sure they will help where they can. As the others have said, I would really encourage you not to delay the appt, as it will prolong the waiting and uncertainty, which I found the hardest bit.

As to the night bit, that’s when I think it can be worse as worrying makes it difficult to sleep, and then your mind goes into overdrive. I second what Finty said - I find it good to have some music on, or at times I have just put the tv on for some distraction and then this sometimes helps me go back to sleep.

You are not indulging in self-pity at all, so don’t be annoyed with yourself. Be kind to yourself, and let your friends and people here help you where possible. It is only natural to worry, but at the same time don’t forget that the vast majority of lumps are benign which I hope yours turns out to be.

Am thinking of you, let us know how you are and how you get on.

Take care,
Gerbera xx

Hi Sarah

I hope you are starting to calm down-easier said than done I know, but try to keep a perspective on your worries. Youve got a lot to think about, with a young family and everything that goes with that.
I’m a year-exactly- from diagnosis and the waiting is the worst part.
I worried at the time as I found my lump on the 22nd Aug and didnt go to the GP immediately. Once Id had my surgery on the 30th Oct, I asked my surgeon if that delay would impact on the size of it. She said mine-16 mm- had probably been there for about a year.I know everyones case is different, but a few days wont make much of a difference.
What Im trying to say is that maybe going to your daughters award ceremony would be the right thing to do for you-Im sure the clinic would work around it if you decided to delay.
As for going to the appt on your own, I was quite happy to go on my oen as I kinda convinced myself that it was a tumour by then and I knew I could deal with that. The only practical thing about having someone with you is thatthey will ofter hear info which washes over you.
Difficult call, I know, but you sound like a strong lady.
Hope you get peace of mind, whatever you decide.


Hi Sarah,

My last post crossed with yours somehow, so saw your last one after posting mine.

Thats really good you got a cancellation appt, but as you said it is sods law that the assembley clashes with it! You must be so proud of your daughter. But I would agree with not delaying your hospital appt if you can, as the worrying about it is such a difficult time. Get lots of photos taken, and maybe do something special to celebrate with her?

I would also agree with your husband and mum about having some-one with you. I felt like you and initially planned to go on my own for all the reasons you said. I hadn’t told my parents initially as my dad was having cancer treatment at the time, but a friend was persistent about coming with me which I was so glad about in the end. As I said before, hopefully it will turn out to be benign, but I had quite a bit of waiting about between seeing the dr and having scans etc and it is good to have some-one there with you. Don’t worry about them having to sort out work/schedules to be there for you, that’s what friends are for and am sure they will only be to glad to be able to help.

As it turned out, I was told on the day that they were 99% sure it was cancer from the scans (the biopsy results confirmed it a week later), and it was so helpful to have my friend there as it was such alot to take in at the time. As I said though, I sincerely hope this will not be the case for you, but I would still suggest it is good to have company and some-one to chat to for all the waiting about etc.

Gerbera x

I really would try and take someone with you just in case. It’s good to go armed with a list of questions as well. My onc always laughs at me as I take my notepad out of my handbag - she knows what’s coming!

Such a shame about the school assembly. Maybe a discrete note to her teacher and they could do it another day for you?

finty xx

Hi Everyone - had an up and down weekend, just returned from doctors for blood test (fasting) - as when I went to GP about my lump, I mentioned other symptoms tiredness, weight loss etc and she thought it was worth doing a full set of bloods aswell. As usual I have a question for any of you who can I help - since GP apt last Wednesday ( I have found another bigger lump at top of breast and sore swelling under armpit (not sure if Lymphnode) - my armpits (both???) are achey expecially at night and during night my breast and armpits are really sore - why??? I have never had this before ? Can it be that all the worrying has made these symptoms appear and if this sore area under my armpit - (it hurts when pressed) is a lymph node - could that mean more likely to be cancer - why else would it have suddenly appreared - so now I have Two lumps on breast and sore armpit with raised lymph node - how weird these symptoms have appeared so quickly - any ideas, advice, thoughts gratefully received … I have my Breast Clinic Apt on Wednesday PM, so guess I will know more then !!
Sarah x

Hi Sarah,

Sorry to hear you are going though this worrying time.

I had pains in my right breast and armpit 6 years ago and a lump was removed and it was just fatty tissue which was causing inflamation in the nodes.

I am going back this Friday for ultrasound as lumps in left breast, completely different.

I have a young daughter and it’s hard, trying to do everything with the kids, when your feeling lost.
people on here are so supportive.

I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

Take Care
Michelle XX

Hi all

Just wanted to let you know went for my appointment and after a lot of in and out and a series of mammograms, ultrasounds and a bit of a false alarm - resulting in me having another mammogram - I was told I am fine and just have lumpy breasts, my “lump” is just part of me - “a bit like porridge that has been left in a bowl” my consultant said - I feel truly blessed and am very lucky - just want to thank you for all your support during this tricky time and wish you all luck and support for the future.


Great news Sarah. So pleased, you can relax now. Dx

Hi Sarah,

That’s fab news - am so pleased for you. x

So pleased for you Sarah.fantastic news. Take care.

Great news Sarah, Same happened to me earlier this year…loads of mammograms but it was just “me” too…But I was so pleased that they REALLY checked me out and weren’t satisfied until they did all the scans. Have a great weekend now.

Hi Sarah,

That’s great news. Take care.
Michelle X

Fantastic news! Phew!!!

Clare x