I am sorry as I know all of you have been in this situation, but I have been shocked by how this time is affecting me.
I have been a strong person through all my life and the last three years have brought challenge after challenge, but my diagnosis last week has completely taken my feet from under me.
I am doing my usual of being able to keep a brave face on when in company, but as soon as I am home alone I fall apart, a shaking sobbing mess!
I am also struggling to eat, as I have no appetite and just feel like I cannot swallow food without wanting to be sick. I know this is all probably due to shock, but would be grateful for any advice on how to deal with it, or do I just have to accept this is how I should be feeling and get on with it?
I am dreading my results this time next week as my lump came up so quickly and is so big, but as I am a planner am trying to plan for every possible eventuality as a way of coping.
Hi Kaz you’ll probably hear this a lot from people on the forum but this is the worst time waiting for results. Once you know them, whatever they may be, it feels easier & I know that might sound weird but it’s true. You then have something to focus on. Like you, I like to be organised & know what’s going on but I have learnt since my diagnosis in early Feb that you do kind of have to let go a bit as you’re not totally in charge of what’s going on anymore. So hang on in there. Xx
Hello Ladies, my heart goes out to you all while you are waiting on results, it was me this time last year and I can relate to everything you all say, not eating or sleeping, feeling constantly sick and that you would choke if you tried to swallow food, jumping awake after an hour in a complete state of panic, it’s totally brutal and the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, you may not believe me but you will get through it, it may be one miserable hour after another but it will end honestly, the day of my pathology results I was wretching walking in to the hospital and my husband was practically dragging me along the corridor but getting my results and knowing what was going to happen for certain was a real turning point and I slept that night for the first time in weeks! How you are feeling is normal and you have to work through the shock and fear before you can start to come to terms with it but you will ? Lots of love to you all Xx Jo
I was like this in that weeks wait. And it was purely because I was out of control. I’m such a control freak. I knew they knew and they just weren’t telling me. Since diagnosis I have actually coped fine. It is odd but once you have a treatment plan in place, your back in control and it’s so much easier to manage emotions I have found x
Ive got my first year mammogram on Monday so will be back in the waiting room with you! Not as scary as first time around but would still rather stick pins in my eyes!! ?
Focus on one day at a time. Do lots during the day. Try taking up a craft or hobby. Anything to focus on. Once you have the results and your treatment plan you do feel back in control.
How you’re feeling is completely normal. Everyone on this site knows how you feel at the moment. It does get easier but hold on. Talk and ask questions. I found keeping a journal helped as well. Write down any questions you have when you have them. Take the list with you to each appt and write down the answers they give you. My thoughts were all over the place but the list of questions helped me to focus.
You will get through this and with more strength and courage than you think you have.xx
Thank you all so much for your replies, I can’t tell you just how much they have helped. And that you would take time out of your day to reassure me means so much.
I will take all your,advice, accept that maybe this is something that I cannot deal with alone and learn to ask for support. And use my need for control in a positive way by planning for every eventuality.
My appt is on Wednesday, so just a few days now to find out what I am dealing with, and with your help I feel more able to get through those days.
Sadly my results were as I expected, I have Grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma (ER Positive) in breast and lymph node.
Also they think it may be inflammatory breast cancer and so have taken a further biopsy before they decide whether to operate first or give me chemo first, so I have another 2 weeks to wait before I find out their decision.
A difficult day, even though in my heart I knew it was bad, it has still hit me very much as it is only 4 weeks since I found my breast hardened.
Sitting here with a slight tremor in my hands as I type this, part of me still hopes to wake up from this nightmare.
Thank you again for your supportive messages, I will take your advice and try not to google , and just give myself chance to adapt to my new circumstances. X
Sorry to hear your news Kaz. Once you know the treatment plan you have something to focus on. I’m waiting for results after my op & it is difficult. Each day I think I’m closer to getting on with it & getting it over with. Don’t be alone we’re all here to try & be as supportive as we can. And NO definitely don’t google anything, I did that - big mistake. Sending you hugs. Anita xx
Sadly my bad news continues…I have an aggressive inflammatory BC, and am being treated as an urgent case for MRI and CT scan hopefully within the week to check for how far it has spread.
Then chemotherapy starting the following week, but this is also a problem as I already have a small fibre neuropathy and my body may not be able to cope with the high dose chemo I need.
As you can imagine, I just feel like each time I get my head round it all, the news gets worse! Because of this I think I will keep off of this forum for a while as I need to try and give my brain a rest from all the BC information, and enjoy the few days I have left before the onslaught of treatment.
But I do want to thank you all again for your messages x