Struggling to Cope with Anxiety

[wolveshavenokings]

Hello there,

I’m 33. Last week, I noticed a fairly significant lump on the bottom of my breast. It’s moveable, so I’m not sure how long it’s been there - possibly I’d passed it off as muscle before. I only really noticed when I stood in front of the mirror and pinched/squeezed both my breasts below the nipple. One squeezed in easily, but in the other I could feel a rubbery lump.

I panicked, so booked a private GP appointment to get it checked out. The GP agreed she could feel a 2-3cm firm, moveable lump and said that she would put in an urgent referral.

Things have moved extremely quickly since then and I have an breast clinic on Tuesday evening. I was doing ok until I got the email with the appointment details and since then I’ve been spiralling. The doctor did say that just because it’s a ‘suspected cancer referral’ it doesn’t mean that it’s cancer, but I can’t stop googling / crying / freaking out.

My boyfriend knows and is supportive but I’ve been at home at my parents this weekend dogsitting (they are away) and I’ve had no distractions. I’ve got myself worked up into a bit of a state.

My friend died of brain cancer in her mid 20s after battling it once in her late teens, which was awful. I can’t stop thinking about that either. My best friend also knows about the appointment and has been lovely and reassuring but I don’t want to put her through the stress of supporting someone again when I have no idea how bad / not bad this is.

My mum has also recently dealt with her mum passing away from dementia, my uncle being diagnosed with terminal cancer, and our family dog almost being put down so I feel I also can’t tell her unless there’s something to tell.

I know I need to stay away from the internet but I’m finding it really difficult. I’d really appreciate any advice on how to make it through to Tuesday and being normal at work. Feel I can’t concentrate on anything apart from horrible doomscrolling.

I feel really ill currently with terrible shortness of breath but not sure if it’s just psychosomatic.

I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was a teenager in uni although it was very related to work at the time. I have sometimes had it again it adult life (again, work related) but I’ve generally kept it under control. However, I feel currently as if I’m just losing my mind.

Thanks in advance for any support.

[ivy-cat]

I just wanted to reply as you sound so anxious and stressed! All I can say at the moment is that it’s not cancer until you’re told it’s cancer. It could well be a cyst - especially if it’s movable. A GP will nearly always refer someone with a lump to the breast clinic and it doesn’t mean that it’s cancerous just that it falls within the criteria for a referral- ie a lump. I know it’s hard not to let your mind spiral and think of the worst - we’ve all been there - but at the moment you’ve not been told that it’s cancer - and, even if you are told it’s cancer then you’ve acted quickly to get it looked at and a treatment plan will be put in place for you. Try not to worry until you know what you are dealing with and please let us know how you get on x

[Tili]

Dear Wolveshavenokings,

I’m so sorry to read your post, your feelings are only natural, anyone who finds a lump or something different anywhere on our body’s thinks it cancer.

I agree with ivy-cat, please try to take one day at a time at the moment, all very easy for me to say when you are feeling so anxious waiting time is the hardest thing. However, look after yourself, try to eat and sleep, until your next appointment when your consultant confirm exactly what going on with you,

Finger crossed for a good outcome wishing you well going forward, we are all here for you, please come back and let us know how your getting on.

With the biggest hugs Tili

[roxie1]

Just wanted to send a virtual hug as I so understand the anxiety of ‘the wait.’
You’re dealing with a lot and while there is no magic solution, I would suggest perhaps some pamper time for yourself. Maybe a facial or head massage and listening to some chill out music or an audio book. Some deep breathing exercises may help too.
Best wishes and I hope your appointment is reassuring for you. Lots of us on here willing you all the best.

[nobodywantsthis]

Hi, I had to respond as I felt exactly the same not that long ago. The fear is all-consuming. There’s nothing by anyone can say to help with that. I really struggled with going to appts as I had to have a couple of scans and biopsies too. I eventually spoke to my doctor and he gave me diazepam to take whenever I had a results appt and they helped to calm me down.

Everyone says it but this part is absolutely the worst. You’re trying to navigate this possibility out of the blue and you head will be going all over the place. I was told it’s your brains coping mechanism to go straight to the worst case scenario. I think I cried every day through all that so let your feelings consume you, rely on your support circle and just do what you can to get through it. I think you should talk to your mum, she’ll be there for you regardless of what else is going on.

I will say that I haven’t cried once since the day I met my oncologist for the first time. I’ve never met someone who is so positive and upbeat. Now that I know the facts and I know my treatment plan, I can just get on with it and kick this thing into space.

Please keep us posted on how you get on, it’s so treatable, there are SO many treatment options. And that’s if it even is cancer which it might not be!!

Look after yourself - you’re #1 for the foreseeable future xx

[wolveshavenokings]

Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful words I’ve read over all the replies here and they’ve really helped, although I’m sorry to hear that others have been in the same boat!

My boyfriend came over to my parents last night as I was upset, so I’ve also had some distraction. Will try to keep everyone’s advice in mind over the next couple of days x

[wolveshavenokings]

Hello everyone,

I thought I would update. I had my breast clinic this evening and from the physical exam and ultrasound the doctors seem fairly confident that it’s likely a fibroadenoma or possibly a hematoma. As I’m over 30, I’ve had a biopsy to definitively rule out any malignancy, but the doctor said that she doesn’t think my lump should be a cause for concern.

I have a very sore boob, but feeling extremely relieved for the moment. Not 100 percent out of the woods yet though as it could be a few weeks before I get definitive results!

Thank you so much again for everyone’s support and kindness. Reading your messages has helped keep me sane and stopped me from spiralling so terribly over the last few days

[roxie1]

That sounds very encouraging- here’s to good news for you being confirmed soon.

[Tili]

Dear Wolveshavenokings,

Happy Wednesday, how nice to read some positive news, fingers crossed for an excellent outcome.

Lots of happiness going forward.

Love Tili