My Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3 before Christmas and I’m struggling to cope at the moment and don’t feel I have anyone I can turn to as my Dad has heart problems and is struggling to cope himself and my best friend is also going through treatment for breast cancer (she is half way through chemo following a mastectomy) so I don’t feel I can burden her.
What I’m struggling with is my Mum didn’t want to have the mastectomy and instead opted to just have a lumpectomy which she had on New Year’s Day. I can’t understand why she chose that when it means more chemo and I’m worried there is a higher risk that the cancer could come back. I’ve tried talking to her but she refuses to discuss with me. I’m scared because my Mum’s Mum died of breast cancer (it came back a second time) so I don’t know why she isn’t doing everything she possibly can to reduce the risk.
I’m also worried about how she will cope with chemo, my best friend is half my Mum’s age (Mum is late 60’s) and fit and well before being diagnosed and she has struggled with chemo so I really can’t see my Mum coping, particularly as she will need longer treatment.
I could just do with a bit of advice because everything I say to her seems to be the wrong thing at the moment.
Hi anne marie, I can understand your concerns.
I have grade 3 and im 40. I just had the lumpectomy, surgeons tend to favour this if possible. There will be much less surgical complications for your mum which means she will be able to crack on with the next stage sooner. Chemo is hard but it is doable, it affects us all differently so even though her friend has struggled it doesn’t mean necessarily that she will. Ive struggled with the chemo, but know a lady in her 70’s who is sailing through.
We have to make such huge and difficult decisions when first diagnosed. Im sure your mum has thought long and hard about her treatment options. Hard as it may be for you all you can do is just support your mum in the decision she has made. She is very lucky to have such a kind and caring daughter looking out for her.
I send you both lots of love and warm wishes xxxx
Dont Google!!! If you want good advice and information stick to this site and other reputable ones like macmillan. You’re bound tobe scared.
Stay strong xxx
My mum (71) has also just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and had her op on 27th December. It is Grade 3 with 1/15 lymph nodes involved. I was also diagnosed in March last year and have gone through chemo and mastectomy. The chemo worked really well for me and blasted my lump to bits so I only had dcis remaining and a small amount of grade 1. No RAD’S required. Chemo didn’t stop me doing anything. I’m 41. A friend of mine the same age struggled massively through chemo. Everyone is different. I am going with my mum next Friday to speak to her oncologist re chemotherapy for her. I hope they give her it as I know how good it can be. Obviously the decision is my mum’s and I will support her whatever. I know they won’t give chemo if the risk to your mum outweighs the benefits. I’ve found my mum’s diagnosis much more difficult than my own but she has seen me go through it and come out the other side which has given her a lot of strength.
All of this is doable and your mum’s care team will have her best interests at heart.
We are going through a similar thing at the moment so if you need any support then please PM me.