mom ,dx and mastectomy dec 2009
me , breathing problems for years, end up being dx with trachea stenosis, operation need to remove part of wind pipe, all set for sept 2010. . age 42!!!
3 weeks before op find a lump and am dx sept 2010,wle, operation done with my throat op. nodes clear. 6xfec and 20 rads. fnshed may 2011
mom, may 2011 starts treatment for bladder cancer, but ends up as terminal.
i had 14 months off work and went back nov 2011. found it hard, but did phased return over 7 weeks. since xmas have been full time. things have changed, loads of new people, loads younger than me. most of them thinking who is the new girl with curly hair!!!
left to get on with work after 7 hours re training!!! so after a few tears they got me more training and weekly meetings to see how the week has gone.
i find it hard to pick up the job, its all figure report work, but i do it, and even after a reshuffle of the office and being uput on the team with age 19, 20, 21, and 25 i ignore the insensitive conversations that go on. like i wonder what its like to know your gonna die, would u spend your money before hand!!
each of our work reports are checked as include important investment information, and it feels like lot of mine have errors picked out. which is fine, but instead of coming to me with them and showing me where i go wrong, they go to the one girl age 19 that as employed when i went off sick. and i hear them saying this is wrong ect ect . feel about as useful as a chocolate tea pot.
also if know the answer to a question someone is asking i say the answer and its ignored. like i have no knowledge.
today i had enough and and asked one of the lads why they do that, and i he wasnt happy, said he was doing his job and sometimes needs to check if he has checked it correctly!!! and also im over sensatve.
this lead to me in tears, for most of the day.
ended up seeing hr lady, as i was in such a state. .
whats wrong with me, why cant i do the job i did standing on my head.
why am i over sensitive.
my life as fine until BC came into it. i gave it a year, and then when i had my year annivsary i thought that’s it i get my life back, but it hadn’t happened. i feel so lonely. i have friends and family but they dont understand. they all think i look well, back at work and treatments finished so its all n the past.
and it is, so why is it upsetting me. i never went into hospital as a BC person i went in with my throat, and i have made myself belive that i had cemo for that, i cant accept that have had BC, i don’t want me to have.
i want to be me again, and i don’t know how to be