Anybody else seems to have completely changed since diagnosis?
I was the most bubbly, positive, outgoing girl before my diagnosis and now I’m totally anxious and riddled with fear.
I’ve had 1 round of EC chemo and was absolutely fine but as I’ve been at home I’ve just been thinking how am I going to cope 8 rounds of this?!
It’s totally consumed me I can’t think of anything else other than the fact I have cancer. Me and my family went out on Saturday and I just looked at them thought how can this be happening to us.
Any tips on how to get through this and not let it stop me being happy in the here and now? xx
Have you been referred for counselling at all? I’ve been speaking with my counsellor for a few months now and she is an enormous help. You can be referred through your BCN.
I’d also recommend Breast Cancer Now’s Someone Like Me service. I’ve used this and the chat I had with the volunteer made a massive difference to my outlook. The link is below if you want to take a look sometime.
I think most of us get increased anxiety after a cancer diagnosis. For me I think I suppressed my emotions going through treatment ( bi lateral invasive ductal carcinoma, ER+ 0.9mm and ER+ HER2+ 20mm). I had a lumpectomy then chemo with Herceptin, then radiotherapy. Herceptin was 18 cycles over 1 year so it was about 14 months of active treatment. I realised when active treatment finished and I stopped seeing my team regularly I felt lost the I asked for help. I had counselling then 6 months later I had some more and then 18 months on I eventually saw a clinical psychologist. Asking for help is the first step.
Being on the forum and having my own journey on the monthly chemo starters thread, some people asked for help at the begin of their journey or during treatment. We are all different and what works for one person doesn’t work for someone else. I think I would have benefited from some help at the beginning to prepare me for the journey but my team were just concerned with getting on with it, so I did too.
For me short walks and appreciating nature was so beneficial. I used to listen to the birds and got the Merlin app to identify them, cloud watching and actually loving the changes in the weather.
You can call the BCN nurses m-f 9-4 sat 9-1 on 0808 800 6000 with no question too small. They have more time than your own breast care nurse or clinical nurse specialist (CNS). If it was me I would also contact my team to see if there is help available through your trust. There is also Maggie’s https://www.maggies.org/our-centres/ if there is one near you or MacMillan https://www.macmillan.org.uk/ as well as a wonderful charity called Penny Brohn https://pennybrohn.org.uk/ which offer online and in person help including the Treatment Support Programme, which I benefitted from and would highly recommend. They are a small charity based just south of Bristol and rely on donations.
Thanks lovely, I have used the someone like me service and spoke to a couple of people I might give them a call and look into the counselling I definitely need some help. I’ve never experienced anxiety before and now I’m a walking nervous wreck xxx
Thanks for all the info, I’ve heard about maggies I’m about an hour or so away from my nearest but might be worth the journey. I’ll jump on the chemo threads too, just can’t believe I’m here and don’t know how to look at the positives at the moment. Thank you xxx
I don’t think you necessarily need to look at the positives right now. I really don’t make any effort to snap myself out of feeling anxious or down at all. I just accept it and go with it and it often just naturally disperses. If it turns into a spiral or something more persistent, then I’ll look to find support from someone who understands like my BCN, a helpline or on here, which you’ve obviously done today.
Going through cancer is scary. It’s ok to be anxious. Often trying to resist it just makes it stronger.
And do things you love. Not to distract yourself or bring yourself out of feeling bad, but just because you love them.
@flojo1 my world totally and utterly fell to pieces. I collapsed at every initial appointment and was an absolute mess. I could not understand what had happened why Ìt kept feeling like I was walking into a hospital during the peak of covid why I could not tell you which hospital I was in as it kept being mixed up with previous life threatening times in different hospitals. The best I can describe Ìt was finding myself in the living nightmare that is PTSD.
My oncologist fought my corner with everyone, the BCN put me in contact with my local charity run cancer care centre that is far away from a hospital. SEeing the state l was in the staff at the cancer care centre immediately saught and bought in a trauma counsellor and a little later a trauma therapist to help me. THe comment was ‘ we are not the NHS and you will not have to wait two years’. the relief was immense as the CMHT could only offer setraline. Not going to lie doing trauma counselling and therapy at the same time as chemo has been bloody tough BUT it is slowly helping. I can now advocate for myself albeit whilst shaking like crazy. For me cancer was the last stressor in an already overfull stress book of bad hospital experiences for me personally. IT is okay to not be okay and need to reach out for help from others especially if you suspect or know you are truly stuck. IF your really stuck start with your GP, call MIND in your area for signposting and speak or hand written note to all the doctors and nurses you meet. My eldest DD is a nurse working in trauma, burns and plastics. SHe says staff would far rather know you really are struggling so they can do what they can to support you than wonder if they have said or done something wrong to make you cry or shake or both.
IN addition my oncologist has made sure, with my permission, all the medical staff etc who meet me know I am dealing with far more than just cancer so they do go more than the extra mile to help me feel safer. that also has slowly made a difference esp when I meet staff who still shudder from working during covid and who havehad or still have moments from PTSD.
I have also had virtual support from others especially if folk who use the BCN forum. PRetty certain it’s a normal reaction to become anxious and fearful when told you have BreastCancer especially when you are still having additional tests. IT does get a little easier over time and you may find you have lighter moments amongst the bleak ones. IF you can try and allow yourself at least five minutes of something that brings you just a hint of joy each day and build that up slowly.
@mssteel your right, Ìt is okay to simply sit and acknowledge that it’s a bad day, its okay to feel as you do and to start again the next day. It’s also okay to let yourself cry when you need to and it’s also okay to not beat yourself up just becuase something gave you a moment of joy.
hang in there as best you can and reach out to others for support and help as you need to.
@flojo1 Good morning, let’s hope today is a better one for you. I think each and everyone of us can relate to how your feeling, we all wonder what has happened to us, as you said one day we go about our business and then it’s all completely turned around.
I can promise you this will get better as time goes on, treatment will begin, you’ll chat to other in the same boat as you, all very easy for me to say, however you sound positive which is such a blessing, taking one day at a time at the moment. Also chat to your breast cancer nurses at the hospital they have lots of good information, take comfort in friends and family.
I wish I could help more, wishing you well going forward, with health and happiness ahead. Keep posting on this site letting us know how your getting on.
Cancer treatment is a traumatic experience mentally and physically so give yourself grace. It’s only now I’ve finished my treatment that I’ve realised I’ve been in fighting mode for 6 months and now need to untangle the emotional fallout.
You get through it one treatment at a time, one step at a time. Tell your family that you love them very much but the only thing you can focus on right now is fighting the cancer.
There are many support services out there including your breast care team, local support charities, Maggies, this forum, the helplines here and Macmillan (who have longer hours) and the someone like me scheme here. You don’t have to do this alone.
Like a horrendous hike through stormy weather you’ll come through to the sunshine the other side. Just keep moving in the right direction x
xx
