A sea side holiday is a great idea. I am near Hastings which has some lively music and a few nice cafes, try Remys on the road up from St Leonards Warrior Square Station if you are anywhere near here. If not there’s tripadvisor or ask a local when you arrive (if you can find one!)
Seagulls - guess where I got that name from? Just beware as they swipe food off you as you walk along. Hence I live near a seaside place, not in one…
Dear Countrylady,
I have followed the same path. Lumpectomy, radiation in 1999 and cancer free until summer of '23. This time Grade 2 ER+ HER 2 -. I also had the mastectomy with lymph removal. Scans showed no involvement in my bones, organs, or lymph system. I was prescribed Letrozole and no chemo. My chance of distant recurrence without the AI is 10% and 5% with it. I have joint pain, fatigue and anxiety. I lost my mum in November '23 and my sister who was my best friend in May '22. I feel so alone, even though my acquaintances and work mates have been kind. My husband is supportive but has memory issues. I am 71 and he is 73. I still teach. I am exhausted, lonely, and still reeling from the 2 deaths and my recurrence. Like you, I keep on keeping on, but I am tired of purring on that brave face when I am so scared. I have scans coming up later in the month and feel sick about it. My heart goes out to you. I’m sending a virtual hug,
putting not purring lol
Thanks Terry. I appreciate you taking the time to reply and it helps to know other people feel the same way.
I was glad once the op was over but now I have had time to reflect, I am concerned that I haven’t actually had any scans for distant spread. There were no lymph nodes left to remove after my first op in 1996 and I was told that the type of tumour I had wouldn’t generally indicate a body scan so I just accepted that. So basically I had the op and have been given Anastrozole and discharged. I did have a bone density scan but that was prior to getting the AI treatment. I was very relieved to be told chemo wasn’t recommended but I’ve never been given the percentage recurrence figures either.
I did wonder in the wee small hours if I was just being written off because of my age but I don’t think that’s the case…at least I hope not. I suppose I should ask more questions but I’m not sure if I want the answers…do you know what I mean?
Hello @countrylady
You could ask for a copy of your Pathology report and get an appointment with your BCN to talk it through . Services seem to vary across the country but I have been able to do this and was also able to speak to my radiologist ( who had performed a trial procedure on me which failed ) and I got a lot of benefit and peace of mind from them . Also if you have been offered a Holistic Needs Assessment via your BCN this might be helpful and possibly the Moving Forwards course as well .As it is second time around for you it’s not surprising that you’re anxious but after care has changed a lot since your first time and you might benefit from taking advantage of that . My cancer was ER/ PR+ and tubular which I was told is a type that has only a 5% chance of spreading beyond the breast - so maybe yours is similar .
If there are any breast cancer support groups locally then meeting with other people who understand might help - mine meets every 3 months and has been beneficial for me. The Moving Forwards course might give you this opportunity as well and if there isn’t one near you it can be done online.
I’m so sorry that your friends are keeping their distance - some people just can’t deal with cancer but is it just possible that they think you need your space and are waiting for you for get in touch ? My Mum passed away 7 months before I was diagnosed and even though she hadn’t been herself for a couple of years before that I still miss her terribly and it set off another wave of grief for her when I was diagnosed along with a touch of PTSD - so I feel for you.
Unfortunately the universe has no respect for what is going on in our our lives and sometimes continues to throw crap at us when it already feels like we have had our fair share . I can remember describing myself as feeling like a boxer who had taken one too many punches to the head but I recovered and so will you .
Sending love. Xx
I do know what you mean! was told the same thing, that my type of cancer did not indicate a body scan. I was grateful to have gotten one, and like you, after the surgery, I thought this was all behind me. Now that I have had time to reflect as well, I’m scared again. For me, it was the first oncologist who seemed to discount all the positive reports by saying, “you could have microscopic cells floating around right now.” Ever since then, I have been really anxious, despite the new oncologist ( a woman, thank you, Lord) put all my risk into perspective for me. So in the day I am fine. but in the wee hours, not so much. As the bard said, “in the night, imagining some fear, how easy is a bush supposed a bear.” I think at first my age came into play, but when they realized that my mum was still alive about to turn 97, I had possible longevity. She has since passed as I mentioned before. Thanks for your kind words, fellow warrior. Keep us postd.
Midsummer Nights Dream is my favourite Shakespeare play. I was lucky enough to see it performed by the RSC at Stratford on Avon. A magical night. Thank you for bringing that memory back to me!
Thanks Joanne. You have reminded me that I did have a Holistic needs questionnaire which I shoved in a drawer with all the other leaflets! I will dig it out. I have signed up for Macmillan next steps which I am hoping will be helpful.
I have an appointment on Monday with the BCN as I have yet another seroma so may see if there is anything she can tell me.
Thanks again.
I went a long time between diagnosis no 1 and 2 - a mere 19 years 2003 to 2022. I was gutted too. Mine was grade 1 ERplus HERneg first time and then it came back in same breast in 2022 as grade 2 ERplus and HERneg, but less than 1mm clearance from chest wall. Treatment is very different this time, I also have a husband but he’s convinced he has incurable cancer now. I think he’s in competition with me. I am taking a different attitude this time as I am now 68 and will be 69 later this year in August. My mother is on end of life care in a home up the road. Her 97th birthday is on 15 April if she she lives that long. I am praying that she does.
Seagulls
Sorry that you are still dealing with a seroma as well . I also love A Midsummer Nights Dream you and @terry have reminded me of when I saw it performed so that has brought back a good memory for me too 
xx
That must have been amazing. I am on the other side of the pond, so no Stratford on Avon for me. Just reading the plays and seeing local companies. My favorite is The Tempest. When I retired from teaching in '18, I quoted Prospero’s
"This rough magic
I here abjure, and, when I have required
Some heavenly music, which even now I do,
To work mine end upon their senses that
This airy charm is for, I’ll break my staff,
Bury it certain fathoms in the earth,
And deeper than did ever plummet sound
I’ll drown my book.”
Little did I know I’d go back to teaching this past fall, 2 weeks after my mastectomy. It’s tough but it’s also been a Godsend.
My mother’s favourite Shakespeare play is A Midsummer Night’s Dream. So much for my powers of recall, as I mixed up The Tempest and A Midsummer Night’s Dream so I am a very unreliable witness. I think she may have played Titania in it as a child. She was a grammar school girl from Swansea in Wales and went on to get a Doctorate at Nottingham University despite very humble beginnings.
She was only 13 when the war broke out and she was awarded her Doctorate in 1949 or so. I am very proud of her. She now has dementia and is on end of life care but she has given me so much.
Sadly she didn’t pass on her genes of brilliance to me. My memory is shot and I don’t have a Doctorate either.
Seagulls
I saw an enchanting out door performance in Ludlow Castle grounds years ago with a carry on star as Prospero. He was a very tall actor. I think it was Bernard Bresslaw. He was brilliant
Things felt black for me in the same way, countrylady. Sometimes the bad things just mount. They kill the real ‘you’. One answer, at least, is to find something simple that brings you joy or peace. It might be drawing, singing in a choir, listening to music or seeing a beautiful thing or a beautiful landscape. Mine today was a gorgeous Red Admiral butterfly. A helpful book on coping and building back your resilience, I found, was ‘Why has nobody told me this before?’ by psychiatrist Julie Smith. I gather she also has stuff online, as well, although I’m sorry I don’t have the link. Google her and you’ll also find some podcasts. Hope that is a help, and everyone on this forum is wishing you love and happiness.
I must start listening to podcasts and Julie Smith’s why hasn’t someone told me about this before
Seagulls
Dear Revali,
Welcome to the forum, what a lovely message you have sent, this will be very welcome by many on this site so kind and caring. I feel so many will agree one of the best things we can offer is love, understanding and compassion.
Hugs, everyone Tili 
I, too, am facing my second (and third) cancer and I am angry about it. I was diagnosed with stage 3B appendix cancer when I was 47 in 2017. The surgeries and chemo therapies were brutal, but I have been clear for 7 years. I went this year for annual exam only to discover I have unrelated bilateral breast cancer that has popped up since last April. One side is Stage 2, the other is Stage 1. I’m a single mother, a teacher, and I don’t have any family that lives nearby. This time, the diagnosis has knocked me to my knees. I can’t believe that this has happened again! I understand completely how you feel.
Dear Flannery,
So sorry to read your post, this is always a terrible shock, especially after seven years when you’ve done so well.
It’s very early days and once your breast cancer team have a plan in order for you, I think you’ll be able to cope better than you think.
We are all here for you, Any time of day or night just post how are you feeling someone will come back to you.
You mentioned you are a single mum and have no family nearby. I was wondering if the Macmillan team could help it may be worth contacting them or maybe meeting up with a friend for a coffee and a chat would help and support you at the worrying time. Take one day at a time, look after yourself.
I do wish you well with your journey going forward, please keep posting we have all been there and now were here for you
With the biggest hugs Tili