Hi, I found a lump to the right side of my right breast on the 30th Aug. I saw the GP the same day and she wasn’t worried, said it was probably lymph node or fibroadenoma but would do a precautionary referral. I saw the consultant on the 8th Sept who also wasn’t worried but said to do a mammogram and ultrasound to double check. This all sounded very positive until I came back for the scans on the 13th Sept and ended up with biopsies being taken from 2 areas (one of which was from a completely different area to the lump I found, although the same breast). They other one was the axilla armpit lymph node. I started to get worried at this point as everything was different to what I was expecting. I asked the nurse while she was doing the final mammogram to check the titanium clip they put in was ok. She said they did find something they are concerned about and that I am in the best place to receive the best possible care. They only have MDT meetings on a Monday and my results weren’t ready so it will be at least another week until I even get an appointment to get my results. The nurse said they would probably tell me to being someone with me to the appointment. I’m struggling with my emotions so badly as I’ve been left feeling like it’s going to be cancer and I’m now waiting to find out how serious it is. To top it off, my younger daughter is at home as her school as the concrete problem and can’t go in. My other daughter has just started college and only in 3 days a week. I’m not finding time to let my emotions out as they are always around and part of me doesn’t want to be away from them either. And then finally, my husband found out today he’s probably going to be made redundant. To say I’m struggling is an understatement. I’m hoping by writing this out here I can at least talk to others as there isn’t anywhere to get away in my house and talk. I’m doing my best to try and be positive but it’s so hard when you’re expecting the worst and the nurse seemed to imply it probably would be a diagnosis.
Hello there Butterfly
So sorry that you are in this situation . Everything feels out of your control because you’re stuck in limbo just waiting , time plays nasty tricks on you and your imagination runs riot .We have all been there - it’s awful . It might help to start planning what to ask at your appointment . Taking someone with you is a good idea - they can make notes and help you remember what exactly has been said. I was diagnosed in Lockdown and I had to go to all my appointments alone . I’m a Nurse and as far as asking questions / remembering what I needed to I was fine. But it felt lonely at times , some support would have been nice .
If you aren’t sure what to ask or want to talk it through further then ringing the helpline might be a good place to start. I know you have your daughters with you and understand you wanting to be close to them but do you have a really good friend that you could meet and talk to - from experience it definitely helps.
BC is a common condition as well - but we don’t constantly talk about it and you may find that there is a BC survivor in your social circle that you weren’t aware of who would be willing to talk to you . There was in mine .
If it turns out that you’re negative they won’t resent you for having unloaded on them because they have been where you are now and they know how it feels.
I’m sorry that everything has come all at once for you - BC ( if that is what it is and I’m hoping it’s not ) unfortunately doesn’t care what else you’re having to deal with. There are threads on here that contain advice re finances etc which may offer some help , if it turns out that it is BC then MacMillan would be a good resource .
Keeping my fingers crossed and sending love
Joanne. X
Hello Butterfly,
So pleased you have come to the forum, we are all here for you Joanne has offer so excellent advice. Take one day at a time a little note book by your side writing down what you need to know at your next consultation will be a great help.
Anxiety takes a big toll on us no one can help with cancer, but they can with emotions. A nice cup of tea with that special friend will help or maybe you have a Maggie centre nearby.
Wishing you well going forward, please come back and let us know how you’re getting on.
Thinking of you, with the biggest hug Tili 
Thank you so much Joanne and Tili for responding, just being able to reach out has already helped. I’m going to see a friend tonight so hopefully that will give me some time to process. She’s making me a playlist so I can listen to that when I’m feeling down! The thing I find most strange is how up and down I feel. Yesterday my chest was tight and I just felt so low, I’ve woken up this morning actually feel a bit lighter. What a rollercoaster this is! 
x
Hello @butterfly771
I’m so sorry you are in this situation, both @JoanneN and @Tili have absolutely hit the nail on the head. Scant comfort at this point I know but most people who have been through a cancer treatment will tell you that the waiting and not knowing can feel like the worst part.
Words like “rollercoaster” and “washing machines” are often used to describe our emotional rides through cancer diagnosis and treatment and sometimes we just have to let it all out: it’s absolutely infuriating for anyone who hears the words (usually from someone who hasn’t been through the experience) “you’ve just got to be strong” “just stay positive” if only it was that easy! There are no prizes in cancer world all we can do is take one step and one day at a time: don’t be afraid to shout scream cry whatever you feel like, there are lots of people who are willing to offer you whatever support you need.
If you have to tell your children that it is cancer, there is also lots of advice and help on BCN for helping to tell them if you need it
Lots of love
AM xxx
Hi Butterfly 771, The waiting is always the worst part. I feel for you. Take care and let us all know how you get on.
Hello there, this is my first post in the forums, but i too have been in your recent situation, i sound like i am just a few weeks ahead of you. I’ve found the waiting the hardest part, and its so very easy to let your brain run away with things. I found my anxiety comes in waves, i can be fine one minute, or for a few days, and then i just get overwhelmed again. Everyone’s advice is spot on, i found that sharing with my family and friends helped. I have two girls, the oldest is 15 so i have been open with her, kept it factual but trying not to alarm her, she is responding better to the transparency. I’ve kept busy, and i mean busy, full weekends, lots of walks, work etc and it does help when you get results and the plan made for treatment. I’d suggest just focussing on the next appointment, but its easier said than done not letting your brain run away with things. Lots of love and positivity. x
Hello Butterfly
I can only repeat what others have said. I have been completely open with family and friends. They have all been so supportive, wanting to call by for a chat etc. Even those I don’t really know very well who was at a mutual friend’s funeral yesterday. This lady has been through it and insists I call round for coffee and chat. There are so many ladies who have survived, including my mum. She went on for another 25 years into her late 80’s. I intend to do the same!
X
Thank you all so much for the advice and kind words, you have been a huge help. I have definitely felt more able to cope today, but know I just need to take things day by day x
Hi Butterfly,
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through such a terrible and anxious time. The waiting is absolutely the worst, rollercoaster and washing machine descriptions don’t accurately cover it. I was where you are March/April of this year. One minute you’re okay, feel you can face whatever the results are, and the next the anxiety is overwhelming, to hope creeping back in as well. I reiterate what everybody else has written -to reach out to friends who you can talk things through with, whatever is going on in your mind, and to try and keep busy, engage with things you enjpy as much as you can and do things that relax you whilst you’re in this awful waiting game. Whatever you feel is totally valid and how that varies hour by hour is also valid. I personally took comfort from my support network, the amazing community of breast cancer survivors and hope from people who have been through the process and it turned out to be negative too. I found the waiting was actually the worst part and once I knew what I was facing, I could then focus on something specific and started to dig deep from then on. Doesn’t mean I haven’t had wobbles and continue to do so but there is a certain level of comfort in knowledge and getting a treatment plan in place, if it does go that way. If it doesn’t which hopefully it won’t and it is negative, that amazing feeling of relief will stay with you forever. You’re doing amazingly coping as well as you are, particularly with your children to have to look after too. Sending you a big hug, please let us know how you get on.x
Hi dear I’m sorry you’re going through this. This forum helps me to understand BC and realize that it’s not that difficult, think that caught early is treatable and cures, it all depends on how do we look at BC, I waited for the results, then I was told that I needed a tomograph and a nuclear scan, then I understood that I had BC, but the shock was momentary. I was already expecting the worst, I started documenting myself, the nurse breast department helped me with a lot of information and the stories of the others on the forum helped me a lot to understand that BC is common and curable. Try to face the worst, but think positively, follow the advice of the breast cancer department day to day, and you’ll be fine. I learned over time that everything is solved with be patient and be positive that you will be fine whatever diagnosis you receive Waiting is hard, while I was waiting I made all kinds of scenarios, I talked with my family and I finally understood that I didn’t choose this and that if I follow the advice and the treatment . I wish you all the best in the world and good health for all of us to get through everything
So I didn’t get the news I wanted, and we don’t yet have the full picture. The results came back showing there’s a 2.6cm tumor and there was also cancer in the lymph node they biopsied. We know it’s ER positive and PR positive, but still waiting for the HER2 results. Also waiting for a CT scan now as well to see if it’s spread any further before we settle on the treatment plan. We’ve told our girls (16 and 14) which was awful, and also awful telling my parents. Who wants to hear their child has cancer, even if I’m 45! So this is the start of my journey and I’m scared, but keeping everything crossed that the CT scan results are good news. We also know the grading is 3 from what they biopsied, although won’t know that for sure until the operation has been done. I feel blessed to be surrounded by an amazing family and set of friends to keep everyone together and get through this x
So very sorry that the news isn’t better Butterfly . I’m glad that you have been able to speak to your family and friends and get some support and I hope you get a treatment plan soon.
Sending love
Joanne xx
I’m sorry to hear this. It’s such a shock when you are told for sure, even if you are half expecting it. There are a lot of us out there in this position, as I have been finding out these last few weeks. Had my mastectomy yesterday. Will find out next week what comes next x
Hi Butterfly,
Just picked up your posts. I’m sorry to hear of your diagnosis but have courage, all is not yet lost.
2008 I had my 1st BC moment. Luckily it proved to be nothing. The wait & telling my family & daughters (18 & 15) was the hardest. They all coped amazingly.
Earlier this year I presented with advanced grade2 invasive lobular cancer. By time spotted, it was visually obvious. Yet despite this it had not metastasised. My tumour was 10cm + & sentinel node impacted. Cancer ER+ & HER2+.
I’ve had neoadjuvant chemo & Phesgo jabs; very successful left breast mastectomy; axillary clearance & now starting 14 cycles of chemo (Kadcyla), Letrozole tablets for 5yrs.
Im 69, but cancer team keep telling me this is not life extension, it’s survival. Stats indicate not simply 5+ yrs, but 10+.
I’ve decided to go flat & proud as I’m concerned that too many of us don’t openly discuss our disease, & more importantly our survival & living with the chronic condition. We should. You need to know all this when you are first sent for investigation.
What all the others have said is so right Our family, friends and the cancer community are extraordinary. You get support, I haven’t been made to feel like an invalid.
My praise for the NHS & charity support like this forum (amongst others) is impossible to express, other than my thanks will never be enough.
Hang in there, however tough some moments may be. Reach out, let rip, we are listening & get it.
Dear Butterfly,
My heart goes out to you, wishing you lots of happiness for a good outcome, as we all know breast cancer has come a long way in the passed few years fingers crossed your treatment plan will be sorted out very soon
Biggest hugs my brave lady Tili
Dear @butterfly771 I am sorry you received bad news Probably the oncology team will explain to you that BC is common, mine was 5 cm with involved lymph nodes, all negative, no one is the same, the oncology team encounters these cases daily and have experience in treating cancer, I am sure they will make a suitable treatment plan for you, stay positive and think that you discovered at this age when our body is in power, I am 44 years old too, I am grateful that I am strong and can fight and do treatment you will see that day after day will pass and it will be fine. I had the operation at the beginning of July with full masectomy and lymph nodes removed, but I’m not upset, I’m glad they succeeded to remove everything, I had two months after the operation to recover, with physical exercises immediately after a few hours after the operation, I did not stay in bed at all only when I was tired, I say you will be fine and here on the forum you will find a lot of support and many stories that will help you understand that it is treatable and the treatment can be carried out. Listen to the oncology team and take each day as thanks for the day that passed with hope.I am with you and all the girls in the group, here I found the answer to many questions and a lot of affection from the girls I hug you with love.
@Camy_Radika thank you so much for your message. That was exactly what I needed to read at this moment!! I just need to get the results of the CT scan. In my darkest moments I’m expecting it to have spread further and be stage 4 already. But on the positive days I know I’m fit and strong and ready to beat this thing. Thank you for taking the time to message x
I just wanted to let you know here are a few girls with different stages you will find them post if you scroll down and up on search, you will see that the treatment will do us good. Whenever you feel you want to talk, write whatever you want on the forum, I’m sure someone will answer and offer moral support I am with you with my soul. Take care of yourself, thank you for a new day with the children.