This is my first post, very nervous, my mum found out on Friday that she has breast cancer.
We find out on Thursday what stage its at etc and i just dont know what to do with myself. I dont want to get upset in front of my mum as she doesnt need the extra worry. She is being soo brave and my dad has been amazing,
I’m finding it hard to talk about as my mum wants to keep it in the family which i am 100% supportive with, i just feel really angry and bitter towards everything at the moment, and bless my husband is getting the brunt of it.
Any advice on how to be supportive to my mum would be very much appreciated, she doesnt want any pity or anyone feeling sorry for her she just wants to be told whats going on and to deal with it the best way she can.
Welcome to the forums, this must be a very worrying time for you and your mum but you have come to the right place for support from our experienced users who I’m sure will be along to support you soon.
In the meantime maybe you or your mum would like to talk things through with a member of our helpline staff who are there to offer emotional support as well as practical information. The free phone number is 0808 800 600 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 9.00 to 2.00.
hello mummy2emma… horrible days ? eh … so sorry your mom has had to join our club… i fully understand how your feeling, and your mom… and your both trying not to cry infront of each other . i was the same with my daughter … she came in when she herd the news in floods of tears… i was also in floods… i said today we will cry … tomorrow we will start our plan of action… i did not cry infront of my kids again… and neither did they … but we all cryed alone… its just a vile place to be … and your all very scared of what the future holds , but once your mom had been back for her results and she has a possitive knowledge of whats going to be happening to her , things will improve for you all…of course your angry … why should your mom get it … but thats ok …and its quite normal… your taking it out on your other half because he is the next thing closest to you … thats normal too … your mom will need an operation of some kind, hopefully just a lumpectomy ( take the cancer bit out ) and possibly radiotherapy or chemotherapy, this depends on the results you get thursday … deffinatly an operation tho…but just remember medicine has changed so much and breast cancer is not always a death sentance it used to be … it feels like its the end of the world… on here we all know that feeling so well … but things will improve when you have a possitive plan … hope this helps … angie xx
So sorry to hear that you have needed to join us here, but you have definitely come to the right place for support - everyone here is amazing and have supported me too when I have needed it.
My Mum was diagnosed last February and I too was absolutely furious - how dare this happen to my Mum I thought and like you I just wanted to support her the best I could. Initially I did cry in front of her - I think it was the shock of it all and not knowing what was going to happen, but once we got to know what treatment she needed it certainly felt better - like angiem says I also cried alone as I am sure my Mum did, but it is a very emotional time, also I did let it slip a time or two and had a little tear with her (which I didn’t think was a bad thing to do as at least it showed I cared).
I think you are in the worse place at the moment and once you do know what the treatment will involve I am sure you will feel a little better and more in control (as too will your Mum) - I too was initially very bitter and you are in a very hard place at the moment so these feelings are quite normal (but hard to bare too).
I have supported my Mum by going to appointments with her, but I did ask her if she wanted me to do this first - also I ensured she had everything she needed when she was admitted to hospital, I also helped with things like shopping, cleaning, washing etc. - I was lucky that she wanted me to help with all these things because selfishly I felt better being able to keep extra busy and being allowed to care for her, but everyone is different.
Also remember to be kind to yourself because you have had a very big horrible shock and it is not easy worrying about someone you love so much - I am glad you have got your Husband to support you too.
Hope this helps and I wish you all the very best wishes for you and your Mum.
Esbee x
Thank you for your lovely replies we all just want thursday to be here now so we know what we are dealing with. My mum is so independent so I know she won’t like to ask for help with running the house etc but I know if I just did it while she wasn’t there (hospital stays etc) she would really Appreciate it. I just feel so useless my husband is great I’m really lucky to have him, I have an older brother and sister and my mum and dad have been married 35 years and we are a really close family so were all just pulling together to get mum through it.
Every one on here is so brave, so inspirational reading some of the posts. Have only wrote the one post so far and already feel like I have a new family who understands all the emotions and events that are going to happen soon xx
Hi! I just wanted to send you a virtual *hug*. I know how you feel right now because we are playing the waiting game as well. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and we are still awaiting for her oncology appointment to learn more about her diagnosis and treatment plan. The waiting is horrific. Give your mom positive energy and all the love you can and be good to yourself too.
Well few weeks have past and my mum is having 6 lots of chemo over 18 weeks, starting on Monday.
Shes is dealing with it so well i am so proud of her.
She has a grade 3 but it hasnt spread which is good and the hospital have just been given the ok to use some expensive chemo treatment specifically for her grade which was good news. Its quite strong and she will lose her hair pretty quickly, and as awful and shallow as it is to say but i’m finding that part really difficult to get my head around. I think mainly because at the moment my mum just looks like my mum but when it all kicks off on Monday she will start to look poorly and i think thats when it will really hit me.
Trying to help the best i can but i dont want to smother her, its soooo hard xx
I’m in exactly the same place right now. My Mum got diagnosed today and am finding it hard that i know whats going on but that others in the family don’t know yet(she is telling them as she feels strong enough). I am trying to hold it together for Mum but going to pieces with my partner. I am hoping that things improve as we find out more and build up the strength. Please let me know how you’re getting on.
my husband is great I’m really lucky to have him, I have an older brother and sister and my mum and dad have been married 35 years and we are a really close family so were all just pulling together to get mum through it.