My mum has just had her operation,her drain has been removed due to infection and she is now on antibiotics. I now this may sound horrible but i have been told that she will get worse, mood swings, crying, depression, i just want to ask people how to help her get through it without loosing my mind. i love her so much and hate what she is going through, she has always been there for me and now it is my turn to be there for her. any support and advice will be appreciated, thanks

Dear lezlea

This must be a very difficult time for you and your mum, I just wanted to say that you may find it helpful while you are waiting for the other forum users to reply, to talk things through with one of our helpliners, they can offer you support and a ‘listening ear’. The number is 0808 800 6000 and it’s open Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.

Best wishes

Lezlea, I didn’t have moodswings or cry and get depressed.I did have dark moments when I faced the possibility of dying(my prognosis was not good so I couldn’t pretend it was)But I kept myself busy and the black moments didn’t last long.Granted sometimes I had to switch on automatic pilot to get through the day,but it’s surprising the inner strength we find at times like this.My daughter was a rock, but there was nothing I could do when I knew she was crying somewhere.I had to pretend I didn’t know.I think she done the crying for both of us.The brave face she was putting on really helped me ‘keep it together’ But together we’ve come through it… just like you and your Mum will.
love Josie x

Lezlea - I feel for you. Sometimes it is harder to be the one on the outside looking in than it is to be the person. In the middle of a serious illness, they have defense mechanisms that turn off the pain. However, we do not.
My mother did not have BC, she had acute leukemia. She was dx in March 07 and died in June 07. My sister lives on the other side of the country, there are just the two of us. I was her caretaker - as I was with my Dad before her. I could not have done it without the support of my husband. We convinced both my parents to live on our property – in their own house but a few steps away-- which made all the difference. The point is that when I visited with Mom each day, I was also checking on her health, her condition, improvement, etc. Thinking back on it, it is really a good thing that it happened so fast for her. She was 87.

So my advice is to be gentle. Be a daughter and be a friend, but also be aware of her health and don’t let little things slip by. I wish I had taken my mother to a doctor immediately when she started to lose weight. I wish I had not lost my temper with her – sometimes it didn’t show but I felt really impatient inside – and wishes don’t matter really. Your Mom is not as seriously ill, she is not going to die from BC, it will just be a major obstacle. You can try to make her life easier by trying to help her to keep up her normal routine. Routines are good and they are stabilizing. They also project that she will be back to the norm eventually, right?

Biggest thing is to be gentle and have fun with her. BC doesn’t mean you can’t go to a matinée or a shopping trip with lots of stops, or just a walk in the park. Cook with her the foods she can eat. If she loves crafts of any kind, help her with continuing them.

My prayers are with you, your Mom and your family. You need to have some time to yourself too to recharge!

all the best,

Thanks for the help, We have been back to the hospital today for a check up and they said that they have removed all of the cancer out of her breast but it was in 2 lymph glands too. She had 16 removed so i feel grateful that it was only 2. She is to go back to hospital on 28th April and then starts her chemo on 12th May. She is more worried of loosing her hair than anything else. Will keep in touch, thanks again.

Please do keep in touch and let us know how you and your mam are getting on with things.Loosing my hair was the worst part of chemo for me too.It was my crowning glory - thick and glossy and down to my waist!But in the end I didn’t care what treatment they threw at me as long it done the job!..Take care both of you,
Love Josie x