In November my childhood friend was disganosed with triple negative stage 3 breast cancer. There was cancer present in a lymph node (only one suspected at the time of diagnoses). She is just 36 years old. She has no family history of the disease but has had issues with a large benign lump, which she had removed 10 years ago. All other scans were clear. She started her 6 rounds of chemo and was doing so well. The tumour had shrunk a third. Then, before her last round was told the chemo has stopped working, likely after her third round. The last round of chemo was cancelled and she was rushed in for her surgery as the tumour was growing fast again. They removed her breast and out of 25 lympth nodes removed from her armpit, 23 were infected.
Still she has battled on, always remaining so positive for the sake of her beautiful young children and the rest of us.
Then another crashing blow. The week before she was due to start her radiotherapy she felt a lump on her collerbone. This has been biopsied and is confirmed to be cancerious. It can’t be removed as it is sitting on a vein so she has just undergone 5 days of radiotherapy targeted on that. Recent full body scans have now shown presence of the disease in her ovaries. I have tried to google information on this to understandn it better (the curse of google i know) but I’m confused as its seems extremely rare for breast cancers to metasise here? Would this be classsed as a secondary cancer or perhaps a missed primary?
I am absolutely devestated for her and really have nothing, other than my love and support to offer her. I feel totally helpess and can’t comprehend what is going through her mind. We have been best friends since the age of 4. Does anyone have any advice on anything I can do for her? What I should be avoiding? I try not to ask too many questions (so excuse me if there are nay glaring medical inaccuracies with my descriptions above) and try to talk to her about general day to day things other than her illness. I want to reassure her she is still my same old buddy, not only someone that is suffering from this cruel disease.
What a horrible world to be thrown into, as I’m sure you will all agree. I’m also trying to support my dad who was disgnosed with Ocular cancer at the same time as my friend too.
Thanks for listening. Its helpful to get this all written down.
Along with the support you will soon find here, please feel free to call our helpliners to talk through the difficult time you are going through supporting your friend and your Dad, lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Saturdays and our team are on hand with practical and emotional support for you on 0808 800 6000
You modestly say “I have nothing, other than my love and support to offer her”. Your words brought tears to my eyes because that “nothing” will mean everything to her. You sound like an absolutely lovely person and a wonderful friend. I am sure that talking about general day to day things is the right thing to do because this will take her mind off the cancer for a short time at least and make things feel ‘normal’. Having someone as reliable and supportive as you by her side will mean the world to her I know. I am full of admiration for you, especially as you are coping with your Dad’s illness as well. I also had a ‘friend’ who promised to support me during my cancer treatment. Unfortunately there were conditions attached - she would support me as long as my husband would continue to act as her free chauffeur, gardener, decorator and general gofer. We had no option but to explain that unfortunately this was no longer possible because I was ill (she was not) so I had to be his priority at this time - exit one ‘friend’.
Hello runningmum,
What a lovely friend you are - big hug for you. X
Despite my own duagnosis, when a friends husband was duagnosed with a different and inoperable cancer i felt nervous. I wanted to help and be mindful.of words used but i was also aware of how some expressions iritated me upon my diagnosis 6 months earlier. I found the book.How can i help? 75 practical hints by Deborah Hutton very useful. Possibly one of the top tips was the simple phrase no need to reply at the end of a text.
Wishing you and your fruend many simple moments shared as you have from the age of 4 x x x
So your post made me emotional. You are doing the right thing, just be there and keep what sounds like an amazing friendship going through this crap time. Also re questions…I don’t mind if people ask me anything, if they don’t get it id rather explain. Helps me feel slightly more in control. My husband, family and friends are vital in getting me through this, so I bet your friend really appreciates the support.
Thank you so much for your positive replies. Its taken me a while to come back to this site (and either longer to try to get back logged on).
So we’ve had good news and more sad news since I wrote last. It turns out that the consultant was wrong and the cancer hadn’t spread to my lovely friends womb. It was only cysts present. So we were all over the moon for her and the goal posts seems to have widended for her once more. However, sadly this horrible aggressive cancer doesn’t want to play fair and it has since spread back to the site of her masectomy and now her lungs. Thats four places it has spread to since her initial diagnoses in November.
My once positive and spirited friend seems so defeated and I really can’t blame her. She said she doesn’t want to give up for the sake of her young children/her husband and her consultant hasn’t given up on her either so we are all trying to rally round her and try to keep her as positive as possible without annoying the hell out of her. She has every damn right to be sad and despondant. I really don’t know how she carries on every day. A new chemo drug has become available again and a consultant at Guy’s in London (a leading consultant on triple negative BC) suggested to her consultant she try it so we’re praying its the wonder drug we’ve been waiting for. They’ve told her that at best it will be keeping the cancer at bay rather than curing it which I imagine is a brick wall for her mentally and emotionally. However, I read someone on here who quoted “I’m living with cancer, not dying from it” and I think thats such a lovely attitude to have.
She has a visit from her local hospice today which i was stunned to hear (you hear hospice and you think the worst) but I hope that means for help with coping and pain relief at this point.
So we’re just trying to be gentle around her week by week at the moment, whilst still talking and laughing about all the things we always have done and all praying for the best.
Thanks for listening again. I know many of you are fighting such great battles yourself and have been so kind to answer my post. I hope you are all well and having a good day today.
First of all I would like to thank everyone for their heartfelt and helpful messages.
Sadly, I now only bring sad news. My beautiful friend passed away on 13th June 2016, 5 days short of her 38th birthday. She passed suddenly and as painlessly as possible, after a short bout in a hospital for a lung infection. As sad I was at the time that I wasn’t able to say my goodbyes, she died on her terms with no fuss and without endless visitors crying around her bed.
I think about and miss her terribly everyday. Her husband and two young daughters have been so strong and we are doing all we can to support them. We have also been raising thousand of pounds between us for Cancer Research so that one day, no one else has to suffer this awful disease or lose a loved one like we have.
hi running mum,
so sorry to hear about your friend, taken too soon by this awful disease.
you certainly come over as a wonderful friend to her & her family.
ann x
I’m so sorry to hear your story. Hope you’ll be better now. Your friend was so happy because she had a wonderful friend as you who’s always by her side in the most difficult time in her life.