Hi all, I was diagnosed with DCIS in May this year and waiting full mastectomy with diep flap reconstruction.
Some of my friends have been amazing. Have asked questions, have taken me out for small trips, been an ear for me on the bad days and have really come through.
If another person tells me I’m lucky because they caught it so early, I may have to kill them!
I know that I am lucky, but I’ve still got this awful disease. I still wake up with dread that it’s going to come back or is somewhere else. I still have to lose my breast, have significant surgery on my tummy and will look and feel completely changed.
I feel like some of my friends have completely shut off and feel like they are put out as they want me to go to their house and carry on. Being told that it’s good to be around people.
I do like being around people, but people who let me just be quiet on the bad days and sad on the really bad ones.
I’d like to do something when this is all done to support my work colleagues on how they can support their friends going through this.
My friend is going through bowel cancer treatment and she’s had a lot of well meant but insensitive comments from people. Mostly saying how great she looks losing so much weight. Well A she looked amazing before and B she has cancer. She is really poorly still and comments make her self conscious.
I’m dreading the comments after my surgery as I’ll have one small boob, one bigger, no nopple and a scar from hip to hip.
I want to do this session to really try to educate and support people supporting people through this. So would be great if people had any tips for what they found to be useful and what you found to get your blood boil.
Thank you so much and good luck, love and hugs to every person reading this. You are fierce and you are not alone xxx
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I have a lovely friend (she truly is lovely and has been a great support) who made a comment however, which really irked me. Since diagnosis and treatment for ILC I have been trying to eat much more healthily, limit alcohol, up the exercise etc. After telling her how I wanted to either stop or drastically reduce the alcohol intake, she said she doesn’t think it really matters what you do, if the cancer is going to come back, it will come back regardless so why bother? I don’t know why it bothered me so much, maybe I just thought it was quite flippant and I wonder if she would feel that way if she had been through the full treatment I have. I kind of understand the sentiment; we do still have to enjoy life but I need to feel I am doing everything I can to prevent a recurrence or else feel guilty or remorseful if it does happen.
As to what I found helpful, practical support like cooking, help around the house and garden were really appreciated and just a quick message or call to check in meant a lot.
I think what you are doing could be really helpful for others as many people just don’t know what to say or how to react to you once the news is out. I noticed quite a few people (who I maybe knew well enough to have a bit of small talk with under normal circumstances) look panic stricken when they made eye contact with me in the supermarket 
Yep I know that feeling. Look at me with sad cancer eyes as I call it or just avoid me all together. These are the things that I want to help support people with. To give them some hints and tips on the do’s and don’ts.
I too am doing the same with diet and exercise. Yes it may still come back but actually I want to control what goes into my body and if this bastatd does come back I’ll have a fit body ready to deal with it.
I had someone say to me, at least you get a free tummy tuck. Hmmm I see the trying to put a bit of humour in but doesn’t help! Thank you for sharing. This really helps me to think about what to say xx keep being you and being fabulous xx
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I’ve heard some humdingers in my time but to say to someone who is being treated for bowel cancel - and all that that takes out of you - that she looks better having lost some weight is going straight into the Top 3.
For what it’s worth, my bugbear was always people who had known someone else who had had BC, and several knew someone who had died of it, talking like they were suddenly experts on my situation and care. Keep your bloody opinions to yourself! I’m three years past Dx and have been NED since treatment finished 
so I never refer to it any more.
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